I Feel This Way About A Lot Of Vices

Violet Beauregarde:  Spitting’s a dirty habit.

Willy Wonka:  I know a worse one.

– Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

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Back To School

My son is less than thrilled with this, but in fairness, I feel the same way.  Hopefully the new tools and approach we’re trying this year will sway us, but it’s too early to tell.

Wish us luck.

My Mother Would Have Found That Hilarious

Yesterday a storm rolled in with surprising speed, and I found myself thinking of my grandmother and how she absolutely loathed such storms.

That’s why when I alerted Lala (who was taking a bath at the time) about the storm, I found myself saying, “Lala Lou!  There’s a storm comin’ in!”

A Good Case Can Be Made Either Way

When other households debate the merits of “two doors versus four doors,” they’re talking about cars.  In my household we’re talking about what kind of bookshelves we want.

Picture Imperfect

Recently I met someone as pretty as a picture.

Unfortunately they had depth similar to one as well.

The Worst Joke I Told My Son This Week

So this guy is getting ready to travel through the cursed forest of Am, and is understandably concerned about the evil reputation the forest’s trees have.  A local guide assures him that while the trees might look fearsome, they were, in fact, completely harmless.

So assured, the guy enters the forest and, sure enough, the trees don’t bother him, but once he’s a ways into the woods, the shrubs start flailing at him and even chasing him down when he tried to run.  Bleeding from numerous wounds, he barely escapes the forest with his life.

Once he had recovered, he tracks down the guide and confronts him.  “You told me the forest was safe!” he shouted.  “But I nearly died when those shrubs attacked me!”

“I told you the trees of Am were harmless,” the guide corrected.  “But you’ve still got to watch out for Am-bushes.”

Painfully Accurate Phrasing There, Son

I’m sorry you only got thirty-nine winks of sleep last night.

– My son, L., age 8

Times Change

Until relatively recently, I always considered travel advisories, barring weather events, as something that were only issued for people visiting other countries, not my own.

Going Out A Hull Breach In Space Comes To Mind

Yesterday’s snark aside, I really do appreciate the wisdom of being able to go with the flow.  Sometimes the flow is going in the direction you want to go, and sometimes the direction it’s going is just nice if you take the time to notice.  Even when the flow is going somewhere you profoundly don’t want to, fighting directly against it is usually counterproductive, but that doesn’t mean going with the flow is always the best idea.

 

There Wasn’t Enough Sarcasm In The World To Properly Convey The “Yeeeeesssss!” I Wanted To Say

“You’re really tense,” I was told over the weekend.  “Do you think it’s possible that you don’t like the feeling of things being out of your control?”