Archive for June, 2011

I’ll Bet We’ve All Been There At Least Once

June 16, 2011

This one isn’t mine, and isn’t inspired by anything that’s happened in my life (Well . . . not lately . . . ), but it amused me enough that I’ve been waiting for the right time to record it here, because it needs to be recorded somewhere.

After a . . . let’s just call it a “profound disagreement” with his significant other, a friend of mine was getting the continued cold shoulder treatment, in his opinion, far in excess of what was warranted by his “crime.”  Upon consideration, he realized while this was true when only considering his original offense, he had failed to factor in that he was also guilty of “breathing while wrong,” and that explained everything.

And Again And Again And Again

June 15, 2011

Recently I saw something related to Howard Stern (an interview with Baba Booey) that sent me briefly into flashback mode, so bear with me.

Back when Howard Stern’s movie was still in the theaters, I came upon a movie marquee advertising it and other  movies of the day.  While this alone would be a bit of profoundly unsurprising and uninteresting trivia on par with “one day I wore shoes,” it was the order the movies were listed that can still elicit a smile from me to this day.  The movies listed on the marquee, in order, were:

The Saint

Selena 

BAPS

Howard Stern’s Private Parts

Since I can pretty much guarantee this ordering of titles was not a coincidence, to the unknown to me person responsible for this, I can only say, “Well played, sir or madam.  Well played indeed.”

(Hollywood take note:  If that were the full title of a single movie, I would watch it again and again.)

Unkind Thoughts

June 14, 2011

It’s not always Time that’s unkind to us; sometimes Time just provides us the opportunity to be unkind to ourselves.

The Man Who Worked For Peanuts

June 13, 2011

I’ve been thinking a lot about Charles Schulz lately, and about how much his strip Peanuts influenced my life.

Partially I’ve been thinking about this because I recently noticed that L. has a perfect “Linus profile,” an observation that has brought me endless hours of amusement since, and partially because I more than occasionally find myself, consciously or otherwise, quoting an old Peanuts strip or mimicking its word patter.  A while back a friend of mine mentioned that when her child asked her why isn’t there a “Children’s Day” like there’s a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, she had answered, “Every day is Children’s Day.”  Through my laughter, I managed to explain that was the exact answer, word for word, Linus once told Lucy she would get if she asked that question to an adult.  What makes this even funnier to me is that, to the best of my knowledge, my friend had never seen this particular strip.  (Ahem . . . it having been published before she was born, and all.)

To this day I respect Charles Schulz for showing me that warmth and wisdom were not necessarily incompatible with cynicism, and I’m looking forward to someday sharing all that with L.  I’m particularly looking forward to the day when L. asks me his first question that I can answer in a “Peanuts manner.”  I’m looking forward to the day I can look into his questioning little eyes, take a deep breath, and say:

Whah whah whah.  Whah whah whah!

That Means Yes

June 10, 2011

And if anyone out there was wondering if my thoughts from yesterday and the day before that were somehow related, well . . .

To utilize the outmoded vernacular:

You bet your sweet bippy!

(The story itself isn’t worth telling, and as should be obvious by now, I’ve been running short of time this week anyway.  The good news is that for the most part my being short on time this week has been a good thing.  With L’s teeth no longer being a constant issue, I’ve been working to re-establish something akin to regular work habits.)

But Then Again, Villains Rarely Do, Now Do They?

June 9, 2011

It always feels strange to me to find out that I’ve been cast in the role of the villain in someone else’s telling of a tale.  I’m never surprised by this anymore, but it still feels strange.  I don’t feel like a villain!

Anything Starting With “You’re Too Young,” For Example

June 8, 2011

An older person really can give good advice to a younger person . . . provided the older person hasn’t forgotten the reasons they would have ignored the advice when they were younger.

Yes, This Really Happened To Me This Morning. No, It Didn’t Happen In Verse. The Verse Is An Embellishment.

June 7, 2011
Once upon a morning cheery, while I stumbled eyes still bleary,
Did I chance ‘pon a quaint and curious omen from forgotten lore.
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
Then the sound of feathers flapping, flapping ‘bove my porch’s door.
“’Tis just a raven,” I muttered.  “Happy ‘bove my porch’s door.”
Only this, and nothing more.”

The Dawning Of A New Age

June 6, 2011

Well . . . it’s official.

When a baby comes into this world, their wants and their needs are, by definition, pretty much the same thing.  This phase doesn’t last forever, of course, because eventually wants and needs start to diverge somewhat.  Minor examples of this could be a baby needing sleep, but not seeming to want to sleep, or a baby reaching for something just because it caught their eye, but I’m not personally convinced those are examples of a conscious decision to want, per se.

A “happy baby playing in their crib” that becomes “banshee wail baby making ‘pick me up’ motions” when they see you watching them, on the other hand . . .

Congratulations L., life just got more interesting and more complex for all of us in this house.  (Those two things frequently pair together, I think you’ll find.)

I’m Planning To Take MY Chances, At Least

June 3, 2011

Yet another announcement on behalf of the Prevention Of The Phrase “Why Does It Always Seem Like I Hear About These Things Too Late” Foundation:

Today, if you didn’t know, is National Doughnut Day, which actually has a long (for this country) and noble (for any country) history.

But knowing full well most people don’t really care about that, there’s also a free doughnut in it for you at most doughnut places (the big chains, at least) around the country today.

Really.

And while I can’t guarantee that one doughnut won’t kill you (you might choke on it, or it might be poisoned, or have a knife . . .), the odds are in your favor that you’ll be okay.