It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before I Start Actively Using This As A Retort

Fatherhood has changed me, of course; this was inevitable.  It’s just that the changes are most definitely not of the variety that some of my acquaintances (fathers themselves) rather gleefully assured me was coming.  I was me before L. was born, and I’m still me.

But there have been changes.

For instance, I’m more patient than I was before – not nearly to the level I feel I need, but I keep working at it.  Stress and exhaustion can still incline me to snarl and snap, of course, but it takes more to provoke me than it used to.  There was a time when displays of random obnoxiousness and ignorance (I find the two usually go together) would just infuriate me, even if I didn’t react overtly.  Now I’m more inclined to look at someone and think, “Wow.  Somebody needs a bottle and a nap!”

Mind you, the contents I’m thinking of for the bottle starts at the benign and becomes increasingly . . . “dire,” depending on the level of obnoxiousness and ignorance being displayed.

I told you I’m still me.

And Be Prepared

Sometimes the best you can do is hope for the best . . . especially when you’re not entirely sure what the “best” outcome is!

This candle is for several folks, myself included, hoping for the best right now.

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

“You know you’ve been playing way too many computer games when you start thinking of your age as ‘leveling up,'” someone a few(1) years younger than I told me today.

I need to play more computer games then.

A lot more computer games.

And soon!

(1) And by “few” I actually mean “a great many.”

I Wish I Could Take Credit For This One

The following is paraphrased:

“In the eyes of the cynic, the progress of the ‘advancement’ of human thought across generations can best be summarized as “We used to think, but now we know!”

– Unknown

Now I Find I’ve Changed My Mind, I’ve Opened Up the Doors

Asking for help – an admission of weakness when asked of one’s enemies, an admission of laziness when asked unnecessarily, and a sign of wisdom when asked necessarily of one’s friends; few skills are as important to develop as the skill of properly asking for help when one is in need.

And even fewer have been harder for me to develop personally.

(And just in case you’re not placing the title.)

And Now . . . A Reference To A Joke About As Old As The Telephone

So the topic of piercings came up in conversation yesterday, and a desire was expressed (not by me) to ask someone if their Prince Albert piercing (Yet another thing you’re going to have to look up on your own if you don’t know what I’m talking about; my eyes are watering at the very idea too much to make the link.) ever interfered with them using the bathroom.

“In other words,” I said.  “Your question would be . . .”

(Wait for it.)

“How does that Prince Albert work when you go to the can?”

Mystery Solved

As you might recall, L. was breech.  We never did find a certain reason why this was, because he certainly proved his capacity to turn on more than one occasion.

I have now come to suspect that he was busy developing the love of chewing on cords that he is currently demonstrating with such frequency and persistence.

She’s Got A Point

A while back someone asked L’s mother about her views on marriage, and her response was, in essence:

“I’m definitely pro-Yay! marriage.  If your marriage doesn’t have any “Yay!” in it, then it’s not really a marriage, now is it?”

I’m Just Sayin’

Son, I can’t help but notice how happily the girls in your life are willing to hold you in their arms right now, and accept that your flirty smile and your wandering eyes will inevitably focus on a different girl for a while before returning to them.  None of them are anything more than playfully offended by this, and all is always forgiven once your attention turns their way again.

I regret to inform you that this trick may not always be as easy to pull off as it is for you right now.

Pro Tip For A Thursday

(Since I’m on a roll.)

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationships with people is to give them a chance to miss you now and then.

If you never give them this opportunity, I assure you they’ll start thinking about how much they’re likely to miss you in a entirely different sense, and start practicing their marksmanship.