Finally Found One

Apologies for moving into a stand-up comedy trope area here, but I really have shaken my head for years whenever I’ve seen a group of girls prancing off together in the direction of the bathroom.  I’ve heard the jokes(1), as well as the real reasons (2), but I still find the practice more than a little weird.  I can honestly say that it was only last week that I admitted that I was at a loss to come up with any situation where I would look at another guy and say, “Come on, we’re heading to the bathroom.”(3)

Then over the weekend, after watching a movie in the theater, a group of us were standing around talking about the movie.  I think all of us knew this little post-movie chat was just a brief interlude before making the traditional post-movie exodus to the bathroom, but for one member of our group in particular, it was clear to me the interlude wasn’t brief enough for his tastes.  Still, he dutifully involved himself in the conversation as he did his best to guide the group in the direction of his increasingly required destination.  But groups can be obstinate things, and to complicate matters, he was interested enough in the conversation that he kept getting drawn back in.

Realizing this couldn’t go on much longer, finally, I looked him in the eye and said, “Come on, we’re heading to the bathroom,” and peeled off from the rest of the group.

Halfway there, I realized what I had just said, stopped and then exulted, “So there is a situation I will head to the bathroom with another guy!”

The theater has asked me never to return.(4)


(1)  My favorite involves overstuffed divans and big screen televisions.

(2)  I asked.  Funny how often that works.(7)

(3)  Yes, I know some other guys can easily think of a few, but this affects me not.

(4)  I’m kidding about this, by the way.  I’ve been offered free tickets should I return, in fact, which I find more worrisome.(5)

(5)  I’m not kidding about this.(6)

(6)  Blatantly misstating and misrepresenting the reason behind the offer, but not kidding.

(7)  And yes, I have been threatened with retribution should I ever reveal the “secrets.”

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