Archive for July, 2016

Now If I Could Just Find The Red Die

July 15, 2016

There’s a reason I don’t hold too tightly to the idea of “I know what I saw, and what I saw was real, end of discussion!”, and today I got a fresh reminder of why that is.

My son was looking for some missing dice, particularly a red one, so I checked the dice bag and saw a red die inside the dark bag.  Because I was in a hurry, without looking I set the “red” die beside the other dice and moved on, only to be called back because the red die was still missing.

“I sat it with the others,” I called out.  “Just look.”

“He’s right,” L’s Mother chimed in.  “There’s an orange die here now, but no red one.”

For some households, this would have been the beginning of a fight, but I had a suspicion of what had happened, and sure enough, the orange die looked demonstrably red when it was at the bottom of the dark dice bag.

This Is Why The Window Into My Dreams Usually Stays Closed

July 14, 2016

Last night I dreamt that I was walking among a ramshackle community of thugs, pirates and cutthroats when I noticed a group of children playing a harmless looking dice game in the street.

How cute, I thought to myself.  It’s good to see kids doing normal kid things in the midst of all this depravity and degradation.

“Okay, he’s dead!” one of the kids announced.  “Now roll again to see if you can **** his corpse.  It’s trickier than it sounds!”

(The funny thing is that my dream actually bleeped that word out for me, presumably for extra comedic effect.)

Well I Do!

July 13, 2016

Every time I see on social media people posting the results of their “This is the size of my vocabulary” quizzes, I keep thinking “Maybe . . . but how well do you use it?”

So Wait For Your Editor Next Time, Son

July 12, 2016

Yesterday I left my son unsupervised at my computer for literally less than one minute, and this is what he posted.  I, of course, knew that he was typing, but I didn’t think that he’d hit publish in the brief time I was gone, thereby forcing me to do a quick scramble of a post-publish edit to give said post a title and some context via a parenthetical explanation.

Needless to say, he and I had words about this.

In theory he now understands that he shouldn’t have hit the publish button, because in this house we double-check our capitalization and punctuation before we post, but he’s only five, so I’ll probably ending up reminding him at least once more before the lesson sticks.

And Now A Special Announcement From My Son

July 11, 2016

i got my sithspawn codex entry in star wars from defeating dark sithspawn in the cave of shadows

(This is what I get for walking away from the computer to check on the coffee. – RA)

There’s A 100% Chance You People Are Terrible At Your Job

July 11, 2016

What follows is a truer than I like excerpt from a recent notice I got from the city:

“Blah blah blah required by law to tell you no later than twelve months after the fact, so eleven months and twenty-nine days ago . . . blah blah blah results of 5.1% when the mandated acceptable level is 5.0% . . . blah blah blah BUT we only performed ninety-nine of the mandated one hundred and twenty tests to reach this number, so . . . blah blah blah oh, and by the way, we also neglected to perform an entirely different mandated test, but this doesn’t mean your water quality has been affected, because statistically speaking . . .”

Which Probably Says Good Things About You

July 8, 2016

When I don’t say something about some recent national or world event, sometimes I wonder if anyone ever wonders if I even noticed that it happened.  While I make no special claims of omniscience, thanks to the variety of news sources available to me, odds are good that I probably did notice.  Sometimes I choose not to comment though, particularly if I’m guarding against saying something recklessly impulsive.  (For the record, heartfelt is fine, but I feel there’s more than enough . . . “non-considered” comments floating about cyberspace as it is, thank you very much.)

With that said, one of the heartfelt comments that I noticed particularly caught my eye though.  It was a comment bemoaning that sad state of the word, and marveling that kids are posting about their new Pokémon game as if nothing was out of the ordinary.  Their conclusion, logically enough, was the reason kids were doing this was precisely because this kind of news isn’t out of the ordinary for them; this is the world they grew up in . . . and that conclusion is true as far as it goes.

But the larger truth is that this is the world I grew up in too, so I understand these kids.

If you grew up in a different world than I did, good for you, but the world has been this way for quite some time now, and if you think otherwise, I can only presume that you just didn’t notice.

“Fantabulanope”

July 7, 2016

Life around here is running on more or less an even keel again at the moment, and that’s nice, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember the not-so-long-ago time when I was making up new words to best convey my precise level of disinclination to deal with the latest dilemma clamoring for my attention.

So Don’t Blame My Stock

July 6, 2016

Say what you will about me, I don’t come from pretentious stock, at least.

When Mom was telling me about her 4th of July activities, she told me that she had “dined with royals,” which she then clarified meant that she’d had a chili cheese dog from Burger King, and a Blizzard from Dairy Queen . . .

I’m Fairly Positive That Means It Gets COLD There

July 5, 2016

You know you’re dealing with someone from a climate colder than South Florida when they tell you that their ideal temperature is between 17 and 20 degrees Celsius, but you know you’re dealing with someone from a MUCH colder climate than South Florida when they quickly amend, “positive, I mean.”