Now I Wait

Well . . . my ballot has been filled out and put in the mail, and, no, I’m not particularly happy about it.

But it’s done.

Because Only The Amateurs Actually LIE

With an important election upcoming, I feel the need to once again address a subject near and dear to my heart, namely, the use of facts to sensationalize or deceive, and today’s example of “figures never lie, but liars often figure,” comes from a news report I heard the other day:

Hurricane Matthew was undoubtedly a powerful and devastating storm, and it unmercifully pounded Haiti in particular, and it is a fact that by most reports, Matthew was responsible for the deaths of well over a thousand people in that country.  But presumably this wasn’t “punchy” enough for someone, because they felt the need to add one word to their report that took that fact and used it deceptively.

That word was “alone.”

To say that Hurricane Matthew was responsible for the deaths of well over a thousand people in Haiti “alone” implies that the total death number must have been something dramatically larger than the over a thousand suffered in Haiti, but as I look this up right now, the actual number of reported deaths from Matthew outside of Haiti was . . .

55.

While this is bad, it’s not what’s implied by adding the word “alone” to an otherwise completely accurate fact.

So watch yourselves out there when people start rattling off facts in your face.

I Was Prepared For It In General, But The Specifics Of The Whirligig Of Parenthood Keep Surprising Me

“What?  Yes . . . of course I can change those batteries for you.  Give me just a -”

“What?  Well . . . Lala didn’t know you wanted to keep that scribble on the white board before she wrote on it.  Hang on, hang on . . . I’m pretty sure I can erase the words without erasing the scribble.  Give me just a -”

“What?  Yes, I suppose I can help you catch that Pokémon . . .”

When Worlds Collide

Me:  I don’ t understand it when I see girls wearing short skirts paired with heavy leggings.

Lala:  Sometimes it’s too cold to wear a skirt without leggings.

Me:  Then isn’t it too cold to wear a skirt then?

Lala:  (Long pause)  Whaaaaaat?

His Teacher Assured Him That In This Case It Was Okay To Assume Without Trying First

“I’d rather be a fruit bat because, well . . . I assume I wouldn’t like insects.”

– My son’s answer in class today to the question “Would you rather be a fruit bat or a bat that eats insects?”.

And That IS A Fact

The man who boasts that he could easily beat up a woman because “they’re naturally smaller than men, and that’s not sexism, that’s a fact”, not only doesn’t understand the difference between tendency and guarantee, but is not going to see it coming should a woman (smaller than him or not) ever decide to knock his sexist *** out.

And The Horrible Thing Is That I Really Don’t

I know I’m far from alone in this, but what offends me most about this upcoming presidential election is that what we have are two candidates essentially running on the “You don’t want the other one to win, right?” platform.

I’m Glad You’re Feeling Better Now, Son

Despite all the reasons I shouldn’t, I love hot dogs, but they are one of the least appetizing foods to witness being thrown back up, especially when this is happening at one in the morning . . .

It Also Could Have Been Worse

So if you’re wondering just how bad was the plumbing issue I mentioned on Monday was, let me put it this way:

We’ve been running drying fans and an air scrubber for mold nonstop for two days now, so . . . it could have been better.

A Reason I Shall Be Contemplating Every Day Until My Bruise Heals

Remember when you were learning how to walk and your parents stressed the importance of not watching where you were going and slamming your toes into a door?

No?

There’s a reason for that.