Archive for December, 2016

The Weird Part Is They USED To Be The Same Thing For Me

December 16, 2016

This week I learned that tension and stress, while related, are actually separate things.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and deal with this headache . . . but at least I’m not stressed about it.

The Bravest And Most Poignant Thing I’ve Heard This Week

December 15, 2016

Don’t worry, you don’t die from it, you die with it!

Jim Backus reassuring people about his suffering from Parkinson’s disease.

The Fastest Man Alive Who Will Save Every One Of Us Versus The Evilest Ceramic Ever

December 14, 2016

(The following is a heavily paraphrased conversation.  It’s heavily paraphrased because when you’ve been friends with someone long enough, you find yourself conveying a lot of information and nuance in just a few words, words that wouldn’t necessarily convey the same level of meaning to a stranger.)

“It’s funny when you run across a weird gap in someone’s knowledge,” a friend of mine told me the other day.  “I mean . . . I’m sure I have them too, but I obviously don’t know what they are until I stumble over them or someone points them out to me.”

Knowing this was going to be good, I just kind of went “Uh huh.”

“Like the other day,” my friend continued.  “I was talking to someone and found out that they thought that The Flash and Flash Gordon were one in the same.  It was . . . strange.”

“Well . . .” I said.  “Pop culture knowledge is a vast and winding field, and the names are similar, so I guess I can see how someone could think that.” I was deliberately doing a poor job of hiding my amusement though, and I could tell my friend was bracing himself.

“Still . . .” I continued.  “It does make me wonder if they also think that Ming the Merciless was a vase . . .”

“What Do You Mean Antiques? They Were New When I Bought Them!”

December 13, 2016

When I was a kid I used to love playing with the deck of cards my grandfather kept up in a top cabinet.  The cards at my house were always new and stiff, but these cards were broken in, soft, and yellow from age.  In my young mind they were “grandfather” cards.

Last night my son asked to play a card game with me, so I brought down my deck of cards from the top closet, and I couldn’t help but notice how nicely the cards were broken in, soft and . . . yellow from age . . .

Well . . . at least I finally have the style of cards that I like, so it’s not all bad.

For A While I Was Leaning Toward Not Sharing This

December 12, 2016

“Last night I dreamt that you had a group of handlers for your public image, and they decided to create you a girlfriend named Eileen Moore,” L’s mother told me the other day.

“Well ‘Eileen Less’ doesn’t conjure up the same image, now does it?” I replied.

Today’s Definition Of Friendship

December 9, 2016

Some times the funniest stories of my week involve friends and/or family, but some times those stories don’t paint them in the best of lights, so unless they think it’s funny too and give me express permission to tell the story, I don’t tell the story no matter how funny it is.

While You Need To Drop The Idea That She “Makes” You Fussy, The Rest Of That Is The Start Of An Important Concept, Son

December 8, 2016

Just because she makes me fussy sometimes when she doesn’t call on me when I want a turn, that doesn’t mean I can’t love her.

– L. (six years old) talking about his teacher

I Worry More When I Know People AREN’T Looking For It

December 7, 2016

The more I see people moan and fret about the future of the United States, the more I find myself contemplating my own feelings on the matter.  In short, I would describe my current attitude as being “cautiously pessimistic (because any way you slice it, it’s going to be a divisive four years) with a dash of optimism.”

Why a dash of optimism?

Because the way I figure it, the more people worrying about abuse of power in their elected officials, the less chance there is that said elected officials will get away with abusing their power.

Things Overheard Only In My House

December 6, 2016

At this rate my son will be able to infect people with lycanthropy before *I* can!

– L’s Mother (Note: This was not an out of context statement!)

For The Two People Who Always Harass Me About This

December 5, 2016

Yes, I did notice that yesterday was the eight year anniversary of Candles & Curses.