Archive for March, 2017

We’re Just Happy If You Don’t Try And Kill Us

March 17, 2017

You don’t have to thank the messenger who bears ill tidings.  We don’t really expect that.

Not . . . Both Of Them, No

March 16, 2017

After posting yesterday, I told Lala that I had “successfully found two thoughts to rub together,” and that I was going back to bed now.

“Those thoughts were about girls, weren’t they?” she asked with a smirk.

This Is What Happens When I Read The News When I’m Sick

March 15, 2017

My private thoughts while blearily glancing over the news of the day:

Huh.  Sure seems like these days the news is dominated by demagogues, most obviously self-serving, but with a dash here and there of those who seem genuinely concerned with others, but they’re demagogues none the less.  That’s never a good sign.

Demagogues . . .

What was the word that girl used to describe herself as?   Demiverge?  No, demi-vierge!  Now that was a long time ago!

Huh . . . that’s a real word.  I mean, I know that now, but I didn’t know that then!  Fortunately she helpfully provided context for me to figure out when she meant . . .

I should probably go back to bed now.

“Good Job, Son, Now Give Someone Else A Sporting Chance To Talk”

March 14, 2017

Today my son was asked if he could explain something in his class.  His explanation was so . . . thorough that not only did he cover all the bases, he scored a basket and a touchdown while he was at it.

Ow . . .

March 13, 2017

If it’s true that it’s the healing that really hurts, then I have been healing like a boss lately!

“It Is TOO In Dispute!”

March 10, 2017

Recently a friend of mine sent me a persuasive argument to proofread if I got the chance.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance for a couple of days, and by the time I could warn him that he was going to lose his intended audience right at the beginning, he’d already lost them.

Overall my friend’s tone in his argument was erudite and logical, but before he even began he made a mistake I’m seeing more and more lately.  He preluded his argument to a skeptical audience with “And this part isn’t in dispute, so now let me get started.”

The audience’s response was . . . eminently predictable.

If It Wouldn’t Be Too Much Trouble

March 9, 2017

Dear governments and politicians the world over,

Currently I’m in the process of teaching my son the lesson that “When we work together, life is better for all of us,” and I wanted to thank you all for providing so many fantastic examples of the importance of learning that lesson.

I’d appreciate it though if you could now provide me with a positive example . . .

I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself

March 8, 2017

Children seriously do not understand how fragile life is, especially their own. For example, they don’t realize how dangerous it is to scream when they’re supposed to be sleeping . . .

– S.T.

“Huh. So You Are . . .”

March 7, 2017

Sometimes it’s all too easy to become jaded and to no longer see the wonders of the world as anything other than commonplace.  That’s why it’s so helpful to view things through the eyes of a child now and then.  Case in point:

What I saw:  Just another Skype session.

What my son saw:  “I’m looking into another state right now!”

I’ve Always Wanted To Say That To Someone

March 6, 2017

I’ve heard that some people like to introduce role-play into their relationships from time to time.  (Mental note:  Pick up  the Alan Scott cape from the drycleaners, then check on how much it would cost to get the mandolin retuned.  Remember to delete this note before posting.*)  I’ve even heard that some people like to do this in public, so when I saw an opportunity to try this with L’s Mother in the grocery store the other day, I decided to give it a try.

Moving the cart up close to her, I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Lady, would you please just get the hell out of my way?!”

It was strangely satisfying.


*  I’m kidding . . . the mandolin doesn’t really need to be retuned.