If You Don’t Get It, That’s Okay

Today, it being one of “those days,” I decided I’d best jot down a quick list of priorities for the day to help keep me on track.  Having done that, I labeled the text file “Priorities” and started to move on, then I realized it being one of “those days,” I’d best be more specific least the file get lost in the shuffle, so I tried to change the title to “Today’s (4/28) Priorities.”

Fun fact:  My computer doesn’t like it and ignores me when I try to include a “/” character in my text file titles, so the actual title came out to “Today’s (428) Priorities.”

This at first struck me as depressing, but then I realized the title would take on an entirely different meaning if today had only been the 20th of this month . . .

Because After A While You Can’t Escape The Realization That Doesn’t REALLY Answer The Question, Now Does It?

Yesterday I spent a lot of time being challenged by one of those CAPTCHA tests as I navigated a website.  At first this was just annoying, but after a while it started to become almost existential to be repeatedly asked “Are you human?” with the only reply being “I’m not a robot.”

Today’s Vocabulary Word, Son, Is “Ironic”

“Dad, I am so done with this kid’s magazine,” my son told me this morning.

“Okay,” I replied.

Three minutes later I hear him calling “Dad!” from his room.

“What?” I called back.

“Can you help me get this poster out of my magazine?” he asked.

Because I’ve Had More Than Ample “Amples” Today, And I’m Not In The Mood For Excessive “Excessives”

This morning I told my son that we had “ample” time to get ready for school.  Normally I don’t think twice about saying something like that; I just define the word for him if he asks, and we get on with our day.

Today, however, according to my son we have had “ample” time for breakfast, for getting dressed, for taking a break, for me to get him more apple juice, for me to get myself some coffee, and so on and so on.  At the current rate we are easily averaging ten “amples” an hour, and that seems excessive to me.

But I’m not telling my son that . . . not today, at least.

I Thought It Was The Perfect Retort

The other day at work one of Lala’s coworkers literally swept her off her feet into a hug.  Now, Lala is on the tall side, so this was a new experience for her.

“He just picked me up like I was nothing!” she gushed to another coworker.

“Oh, honey, you’re beautiful!” said coworker replied, meaning well, but completely missing the point and underscoring just how . . . odd this culture can be when it comes weight.

Lala just looked at her quizzically and retorted, “Nobody said anything about me being ugly!”

Sometimes It’s All In The Framing

After a couple of hours of struggling to keep my son on track for today’s schoolwork, I finally got the chance to pour myself a cup from the pot of coffee that had been brewed fresh around the time the day’s conflict had begun.  Instead of a stream of coffee, however, I was rewarded with a drizzle.

“Really?”  I sighed.  “All that work and my reward is coffee dregs?”  I sighed again, then added without enthusiasm, “Yay, fatherhood.”

At this point L’s mother beckoned me over and made a gesture that is really none of your business.  Suffice it to say that once I caught my breath again, I managed a far more enthusiastic “Yay, fatherhood!” and got on with my day.

This Earned Me A “DAaaad!”, But I Regret Nothing

Yesterday my son challenged me to a “duel.”  Having lost our duel the day before, I warned him that this time I wasn’t in the mood to lose.

Naturally this put him into smack talk/banter mode.

“You think you can defeat me?” he asked with a flourish as he handed me my sword.  (His weapon was the blaster, of course.)  “There is more to me than meets the eye, you know!”

“I know,” I agreed.  “There is also a prodigious smell . . .”

I Do This Too

In my deepest parts of sadness, I’m always making a joke or being sarcastic.

– Lea Thompson

The Best Time To Branch Out

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

– Anonymous

I’m Ready To Kick The Habit Though

Living in continual chaos is exhausting, frightening. The catch is that it’s also very addictive.

– Lorna Luft