Archive for May, 2017

And That’s A Bit Of A Wonder In And Of Itself

May 31, 2017

Truth be told, I’ve been dreading the release of the Wonder Woman movie because, while there have been many fine actresses playing female superheroes, the world has yet to see a movie generally considered to be a good female superhero movie, and, bluntly, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

But as I write this now, I see that the pre-release reviews of the movie on Rotten Tomatoes put it at 96% fresh, and . . . I still can’t dare to hope because I know that number will change as more reviews come in.

But I am cautiously optimistic about the movie right now, and that hasn’t happened in a long time.

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A Couple Million Years Ought To Do It

May 30, 2017

Today I was presented with the theoretical situation of what would I do if my fifteen-year-old son asked me what I thought of the idea of him getting on a bus to travel hundreds of miles alone so he could meet someone he’d meet online.

It didn’t take me long to come up with my answer.

“What I’d tell him,” I said, “is that if that’s what he really wants to do, what he needs to do is wait for the end of humanity on Earth, give it enough time for the radiation levels to die down and for the cockroaches to achieve sentience, then ask his cockroach father and see what he says.”

As Soon As I Get The Chance, And I Hope That Chance Is Soon

May 29, 2017

Even though I’ve made my feelings abundantly clear regarding treating Memorial Day as just another three day weekend, even I have to admit that today as I’m getting the end of the school year paperwork in order for my son, I am profoundly grateful that I have this three day weekend to fight this particular bureaucratic battle.

I’ll still be raising a glass in honor of all the warriors everywhere and everywhen who put themselves in harm’s way in the defense of others, of course.

And I’m Pretty Certain Of That

May 26, 2017

While I do believe that modest doses of uncertainty are good for mind, body, and soul, there’s no doubt in my mind that large doses can be lethal.

But I’m Going To Put Mine On Now

May 25, 2017

Today is my son’s last day of kindergarten, and I’m feeling . . . maudlin, not because time continues to pass, but because he is profoundly unimpressed by this day.

Up to a point, I understand.  I’m not one to enjoy pomp and circumstance myself (I remember arguing with my parents about me not wanting to “bother” with attending my high school graduation ceremony.), but we both walked a hard road together, son, and it’s okay to acknowledge that fact.

And, again, no, you don’t “have to” wear the party hat.

And That’s Exactly What Happened Too

May 24, 2017

You know what the worst part of when your child spills ice water down your pants leg and ice ends up in your shoe is?  It’s that you know it’s only a matter of time before somebody asks you if you can get them more water!

I Don’t Agree With C.S. Lewis On Everything, But I Do Agree With Him On This

May 23, 2017

“And you have misjudged your friend. She is weak, but she loves you. She was afraid of the older girl and said what she does not mean.”
“I don’t think I’d ever be able to forget what I heard her say.”
“No, you won’t.”
“Oh dear,” said Lucy. “Have I spoiled everything? Do you mean we would have gone on being friends if it hadn’t been for this—and been really great friends—all our lives perhaps—and now we never shall.”
“Child,” said Aslan, “did I not explain to you once before that no one is ever told what would have happened?”

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis

Parting Advice From (And For) My Son’s Kindergarten Class

May 22, 2017
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
 Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss

Time Will Always Tell

May 19, 2017

While I’ve heard variations on this parable before, recently I heard what I thought was the best version I had ever encountered, but after a while I realized it was still lacking something for my tastes.  Once I had that thought though, I knew what I thought it needed, so what follows is my personal version:

A king and his doctor were once fond of hunting together in the woods.  One day, however, the king accidently cut his finger very deeply while they were out.

“This is bad,” the king said.

“Good . . . bad . . . time will tell,” the doctor said as he bandaged the wound.

Over time the cut became infected, and the king began to fret.  “Is it bad?” he asked the doctor as the doctor was again tending to the cut.

“Time will tell,” the doctor replied.

Eventually the infection became severe, and the king’s finger had to be amputated to save his life.  The king was furious!

“You are a terrible doctor!” he shouted at his one time friend.  “Not only could you not save my finger, you couldn’t even give me a straight answer when I asked you!  Maybe a little time in a prison cell will teach you the difference between good and bad!”

“Time will tell,” was the doctor’s only reply as he was being lead away to his cell.

So the next time the king went hunting, he went hunting alone.  As these were his “personal” woods, he assumed he would be safe, but unbeknownst to him, the woods also contained several varieties of malicious fairies who had different ideas.  Normally they avoided humans, but this particular day they were looking for sacrifices for reasons known only to them, so the captured the king, trussed him up, and began the ritual that would culminate with the ending of his life.

“This is bad,” the king thought, but then the fairies noticed the king’s missing finger.

“This sacrifice is flawed!” they cried, so left the king where he was as they went off in search of more suitable sacrifices.  Eventually the king freed himself from his bonds and made his way back to his castle.

Upon arriving home, the king summoned the doctor before him.  “My apologies, my friend,” the king said.  “I thought it was bad when I lost my finger, but if I had not lost my finger, the fairies would have sacrificed me.  Furthermore, I thought it was bad when the fairies captured me in the first place, but had they not, I would not have realized the wisdom of your words.  Good . . . bad . . . time does indeed tell.  The only bad thing here was me having you thrown into a cell.  Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, my friend,” the doctor answered with a smile.  “Had you not acted as you had, I would have been with you in the woods that day when the fairies captured you, and *I* have ten fingers.”

That Still Counts, I Guess

May 18, 2017

“You are a goddess among mortals,” I told Lala yesterday as she handed me a much needed cup of cheer.

Preening, she responded with, “I’ve always known that, but it’s nice to have it acknowledged.”

I looked at her askance.  “A goddess of arrogance, it seems,” I sighed.