Archive for November, 2017

So It’s Best For All Concerned If I Rest Now

November 30, 2017

I realize that lately my entries have been particularly brief, but that trend is going to continue for at least one more day.  As I type this I have been awake for some twenty-two odd hours or so, and while this is far from a record, it’s a condition that runs the risk of being fatal . . . to others.

Not My Idea Of A Good Morning

November 29, 2017

Me:  *Gets up, glances at the news playing on T.V., and counts no fewer than three innuendoes in the absence of facts over the course of a two minute “report”*

Me:  *Turning and walking away*  Nope . . .

One Of The Most Disturbing Questions I Have Ever Asked Someone

November 28, 2017

Me:  (Catching up with an old friend)  Are they still burning that nerve gas near where you live?

And, No, I Hadn’t Been Drinking, So It Wasn’t That

November 27, 2017

We all have our own ways of dealing with stress, and the other night as I made a rare appearance at a large social gathering, I rediscovered one of mine.

“We need to go soon,” I told L’s Mother as I discretely pulled her aside.  “I’m getting funnier and running out of people it’s safe to be funny with.”

Post-Thanksgiving Thankfulness

November 24, 2017

I know this is going to sound like I’m just being snarky, but I’m serious.  While yesterday had its highs, it also had some serious lows, so today (arguably a day late) I am thankful that it wasn’t any worse than it was.

I’ll Be Better Tomorrow, So At Least I Can Be Thankful About That

November 23, 2017

I can think of no better way to describe my mood today than by admitting that when Mom expressed her hope that we have a good Thanksgiving, my actual response was “I hope we have a good one too.”

Today’s Internal Monologue

November 22, 2017

People knew I was kidding yesterday, right?  L’s Mother certainly did, and that’s the important thing, but still . . . I hate it when a joke falls flat.

Ah well, hazards of humor and all that.

After telling my son at least twice today that if he has something to say to me, he needs to come tell me and not shout it from across the house, did I really just shout across the house to tell him something?  Yes . . . yes, I did.  Time to walk over to him and apologize for doing that to try to get back a little closer to the “do as I do” ideal.  Still working on this whole “parenthood” thing.

Ah well, when he starting talking about how he could change his name to anything he wanted, I didn’t suggest “Monkey Breath” out loud, so I’ve got that going for me, at least.

My Example Of Anti-Reflective Lenses In Action

November 21, 2017

Me:  *taking my glasses off*  Maybe it’s me . . . 

L’s Mother:  *smirking, but remaining silent as she waits for it*

Me:  *putting my glasses back on*  No . . . the problem is definitely you!

Once Again Demonstrating “The Initiative”

November 20, 2017

Yesterday some chum bucket died of natural causes in the care of the California Department of Corrections.

(You can, of course, find more details if you care to look it up, but I still feel this is all that needs to be said.)

I Regret Nothing

November 17, 2017

Last night I was making the traditional “just sat through a movie in the theater” restroom stop when I walked into a bit of situation.  I don’t know the full story, but I’m guessing the kid at the far urinal was having some sort of “shy bladder” issue, and his father was trying to talk him through the etiquette of how to focus.

“Always leave a space between urinals if you can, look forward and just pretend that nobody else is even there,” he was saying.

I tried to resist, I really did, but the setup was just too perfect, so I deadpanned, “And never talk.”

“That as well,” he chuckled, but then the silence got awkward as I maintained my deadpan for the sake of the joke until I had completed my own business and left the restroom.