Archive for June, 2018

Of Course That Meant It Was Three-Quarters For Me

June 15, 2018

The following is a paraphrase of the events of last night:

Lala:  “These cookies have too many calories for me to have one.”

Me:  “I can make them half the calories, if you like.”  *breaks a cookie in half*

Lala:  *Eyes me with exasperation, then takes half the cookie.  After eating half of that, she hands the rest back to me*

Me:  “One-quarter the calories.  Even better!”

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“Natural Causes”

June 14, 2018

I’m never sure quite how to take it when I read someone died from “natural causes.”  “Natural causes” . . . what does that even mean?

I mean, beyond a certain point, if you shoot someone enough times it becomes unnatural for them not to die, right?

If They Were True, They Were Just Statements Of Fact

June 13, 2018

The worst insults I’ve ever taken to heart were never the ones that were true, but the ones in my heart of hearts I was afraid were true.

Now I’m Starting To Feel Messed With Though

June 12, 2018

And some days you’ll race to beat the storm, but instead of getting wet, you’ll see the sun instead.

Fortunately For Me, I Like Watching Storms

June 11, 2018

Some days you’re looking for sunshine, but what you get is to watch the storm roll in instead.

Oddly Appropriate Though If You Think About It

June 8, 2018

Yesterday, while commiserating with someone over having their wisdom teeth removed, I made the following observation:

“When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I went bowling afterwards.  This was not very wise.”

I Stand Corrected

June 7, 2018

My son:  Hey, Dad.  I’m just watching a video, but I’m not going to watch all of it because I don’t want to waste my time.

Me:  You’re on your own time right now, so you can watch the whole video if you want.  You don’t have to call it a “waste of time” on my account.

My son:  It’s ten hours long.

Me:  That would be a waste of your time then!

REALLY?!

June 6, 2018

Me:  *After reading that someone may soon be the first Native American congresswoman*  “You mean there hasn’t even been one after all this time?!”

I’m Pretty Sure I Played It Every Shift Too

June 5, 2018

When I was in college I spent one semester as a college radio DJ because . . . I wanted to say I was a DJ in college.

It’s not like I learned absolutely nothing from the experience though; I did learn that when you needed time to do something else, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida was the song to play.

So Thanks For The Lesson, Little Guy

June 4, 2018

Among other summer projects, I’m devoting time and energy toward better health and general life balance because:

A)  It’s just a good idea.

and B)  To better help my son obtain healthier life balance in his life.

Today, for instance, I went outside for some direct sunlight, not for tanning purposes, but for some Vitamin D.  Having precisely zero interest in overdoing it, I set a timer, but when the timer went off I was surprised at how reluctant I was to get up and go back inside.  I did anyway though, and with visions of a young turtle in my head as I did so.

Why a young turtle?

Because I once found a young turtle dead on the side of the road, not because he’d been run over, but because he’d been sunning himself and, as near as I could tell, had been enjoying himself so much that he couldn’t tell he was baking himself to death in the process.