Archive for July, 2018

I Can’t Really Blame Them For That Either, But I Can Blame You!

July 31, 2018

If you tell someone they’re fat when they are, in fact, underweight, they hopefully won’t believe you, but if they do believe you, provided they live long enough (anorexia can kill), odds are good there will come a day when they stop believing you.

After that if you tell that person they’re fat when they are, in fact, a healthy weight, you’ll probably hurt their feelings, but odds are good they won’t really believe you.  (And if they do, you’ve just pushed someone back into anorexia, so stop it!)

But if after all that, that same person starts becoming dangerously overweight, you know who they probably won’t believe?  They probably won’t believe the people who actually care about them and their health because you (or people like you) have been telling them for years that they’re fat, and they are now so done with the topic of their weight.

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I Enjoyed That WAY Too Much!

July 30, 2018

People talk a lot about the “joys of parenthood,” and a lot of it is just that . . . talk.  Some of the real joys don’t get talked about much, like the joy of playing with your child when they’re acting out the role of the monster and they suddenly demonstrate the way to defeat said monster is to bean it three times in the head with a soft, squeaky dog toy like so . . .

This Isn’t An Original Observation On My Part, But It’s Something I Keep In Mind A Lot

July 27, 2018

Even though they convey the same core message, there are worlds of difference between someone saying “Father, I have sinned,” and “Daddy, I’ve been naughty.”

Yeah . . . I Probably Shouldn’t

July 26, 2018

Yesterday (after 4 hours sleep) I found a quote from Grover Cleveland and couldn’t resist making a Super Grover joke.

Today (after 8 hours sleep) if I used a different quote from Cleveland, I wouldn’t be able to resist making a Super Grover 2.0 joke.

Maybe I shouldn’t blame the lack of sleep . . .

A Super Grover Quote

July 25, 2018

I would rather the man who presents something for my consideration subject me to a zephyr of truth and a gentle breeze of responsibility rather than blow me down with a curtain of hot wind.

Grover Cleveland

So Fair Warning

July 24, 2018

I got a response to yesterday’s post that, frankly, floored me.

Really?!  I thought.  They know how I feel about . . . wait . . . actually they don’t know!  I’ve mentioned it to a few people over the years, but not them, and I’ve never addressed it on Candles & Curses.  Now that I think about it, it’s amazing this hasn’t come up before now, in fact, so I’d better address it ASAP.

First off, let me make clear that I am no way calling anyone out.  I know “that word” has changed meaning in popular culture, and that no offense was intended (Or if it was, it was the friendly kind of offense common between friends.  Either way, we’re good.), but for everyone else:

If you use the word “geek” in my direction, your best case scenario from me is a Pescian Goodfellas (or if you prefer, a Pestoian Goodfeathers) reaction along the lines of “What do you mean by that?  You’re sayin’ I’m a sideshow attraction, is that what you’re sayin’?  That I am some freak that bites the heads of chickens for your amusement?  Is that what you’re sayin’?!”

I’m just sayin’.

It Sounds Like It Would Also Be As Equally Safe

July 23, 2018

Today’s phrase lost to time that I’m bringing back is:

“About as easy as pouring hot butter into a wildcat’s ear.”

(Source:  The Twilight Zone, Season 2, Episode 14, “The Whole Truth”)

Because That IS Who We Are

July 20, 2018

Now I freely admit regarding the event I mentioned yesterday, that a lesser woman would have made my life Hell for a while after something like that, but not L’s Mother.  That’s just not who either of us are.  Another case in point:

Not long after the picture incident, L’s Mother came in and started venting about something at work, and while I was listening, I was also lacking some necessary context, so I was only getting about half the story and I knew it.  Even so, I kept listening, and as the story continued I pulled her a little closer to me.

Smirking, she paused and said, “Annnnd you haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”

Feigning offense, I retorted “Of course I have!”

“Uh huh,” she said.  “And what word have you heard?”

“‘Said'” I said with a grin.

Not Even REMOTELY What I Meant!

July 19, 2018

Noting that her hair looked particularly good one day, L’s Mother asked me to take a picture of her; pleased with the results, she decided to use said picture to update her work profile picture.  Personally I felt the picture, while technically fine, didn’t really capture her . . . . essence, for lack of a better word, so later on I mentioned I didn’t care for the picture because it “didn’t look like her” to me.

This prompted her to burst into peals of laughter.

Suspicious and wary, but still needing to know, I asked her what was so funny.

Still laughing, she gasped, “Everyone at the office today told me they liked it because it made me look pretty!”

Then It’s Time For A Change Up

July 18, 2018

Sometimes it takes a little while to notice that the tension you’ve been telling yourself you’ve been “working out” is actually the tension you’ve been working in!