Archive for December, 2018

I Should Really Find That Sign

December 31, 2018

For years I had a sign that said “All who cross this doorway bring happiness, some by entering and some by leaving.”

It was only comparatively recently that I realized that same sentiment can apply to years as well.

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Counterproductive . . . But Still Tempting

December 28, 2018

With all due respect to Alexander’s solution to the Gordian Knot, it would be counterproductive to slice through the clutter in my house just to clear it, so I’m going to have to declutter it the long way.

And I Still Don’t Know, But I Still Do It

December 27, 2018

Recently I came across a note to myself saying, essentially, that “I don’t know why I bother being on time for appointments; it just means I have to wait longer.”

I May Never Be Comfortable With That

December 26, 2018

Logically I know that Lala loves pizza crusts almost as much as I despise them, so I’m more than happy to hand them over to her after I finish off a slice of pizza, but every time it still feels like I’m saying, “Good news, girl!  There is food leftover, so today you may eat!”

A Christmas Paraphrase (Alternate Title: Free Food Is Free Food)

December 25, 2018

Mom:  Merry Christmas!  Did you like the fudge I sent you?

Me:  Um . . . you mean the meat and cheese tray you sent?

Mom:  It was supposed to be fudge!

Me:  Was it meat and cheese flavored?

Overheard While L. And Lala Were Playing Chess

December 24, 2018

Lala: (after L. had taken her pawn)  Bye, pawn!

L:  You know what they say, “let ‘bye pawns’ be ‘bye pawns‘”.

Fortunately, I Had

December 21, 2018

Me:  So I just read that Julie Andrews voices some kind of monster in Aquaman.

Lala and L’s Mother:   (simultaneously)  Really?!  We have to see this movie!

Me:  Wow.  I hope I read that right then.

L’s Mother:  (teasing, but ominously)  I hope you did too.

Lala Thought This Was Hilarious

December 20, 2018

While at Disney World, Lala and L’s Mother meet a few princesses, one of them being Ariel.  Ariel took one look at Lala and said, “I thought *I* had long hair; you couldn’t get a dinglehopper through that . . . you’d have to use my father’s trident!”

You Have To Think Of These Things When You’re Planning How To Use Space

December 19, 2018

We’re finally getting the chance around here to put our (literal) house back in order in the wake of the three months of construction work, so today Lala asked me if she could make recovering the hall closet her day’s project.

“That depends,” I answered.  “What do you intend to do with it?”

“Turn it back into a linen closet,” she replied.

“Perfect,” I said.  “I just didn’t want to tell you to go ahead and find out after the fact that you were using it to store . . . I don’t know . . .”

“Bodies!” she suggested.

“Yes, exactly!  That closet would be terrible for storing bodies in!”

“I thought it would be perfect,” she said with a facetious pout.

“Well you’re wrong then,” I told her.  “It’s too narrow for a start, and you’d have to chop the bodies up to fit them on the shelves and that would be a huge mess!”

Five Minutes In And I Was Asking For Peanuts

December 18, 2018

So while the vacation was good, like I said yesterday, we all got frustrated at points.  One of the most notable times for me was when I bellied up to the poolside bar for some downtime, and quickly (not to mention unwillingly) made the acquaintance of a gentlemen suffering from the unfortunate condition of not being able to not talk at length about how great he was.  Two minutes in and I found myself thinking about the scene from the movie Daredevil where Bullseye flips a peanut into a chatty woman’s throat to make her stop talking.