Archive for January, 2019

A Conversation I Overheard Today

January 15, 2019

Person #1: You be careful if you take your vehicle to him to work on.  If all he has to do is wipe some oil off your engine, he’s still going to charge you because it costs money to launder the oil off that rag.

Person #2:  He’s right.  I will because it does, but . . . if I don’t wipe enough oil off the first time, I’ll comp you the cost of the second rag.

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My Mother On Gender Neutral Bathrooms

January 14, 2019

Mom:  I don’t know what the big deal is.  At some point in our lives every one of us has used the men’s bathroom when the line to the lady’s was too long.

Me:  I know I have.

Time To Find Some New Tricks

January 11, 2019

I’ve never really counted, but I’m pretty sure I easily have dozens of methods and tricks to help me with motivation and focus.

Today not even a single one of them has worked yet.

Sometimes You Need To Consider The Alternatives

January 10, 2019

“They keep playing ‘encouragement’ songs in my class!” my son complained today.

“Would you prefer they play discouragement songs about what a terrible day it’s going to be and how nothing is going to go right?” I asked him.

“No!” he laughed.

“There you go then,” I told him.

Oh, THAT Tradition!

January 9, 2019

“Mom, when do we have to take the Christmas tree down?” my son asked the other day.

“We can keep it up as long as you like,” his mother answered.

“But when are we supposed to take it down?” he wanted to know.

Smiling, his mother replied, “If we follow tradition, February.”

February? I thought.  What tradition is she following?

My question must have been visible on my face, because she continued with, “Because by February it’s so close to Valentine’s Day that you’re out of excuses for not having taken your tree down earlier.”

Welcome Back To School, Son

January 8, 2019

I get bored sometimes too, son, so . . . I get it.  I really do.  Heck, I’m bored right now, truth be told.  You don’t need my help in class at the moment, but I need to stay available in case that changes because that’s my job.  It’s not just an important job, it’s important to me that I do it and do it well, but perpetually thrilling it is not because I assure you that getting you a snack so you can keep your focus on class is never the highlight of my day.

It’s okay to be bored though.  Bored happens, and what you’re doing right now is exactly the right way to handle it.  You’re quietly keeping yourself busy while still paying enough attention that you know what’s going on so you can focus your attention fully when it’s needed.

Just like I am right now, in fact.

Stumbled Across My Note Of This Quote Today

January 7, 2019

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

Benny Hill

Not When You Say It Out Loud, No

January 4, 2019

Last night we were playing Yahtzee and L’s Mother had one more roll of the die to complete her Yahtzee attempt, so she was talking to the die.(1)

“If you come through as a two, I will totally do the Yahtzee thing(2), I swear!” she told it.  “Come on, it’ll be funny!”  Evidently though, the die thought of something funnier, because she rolled a five.

Not to be outdone, however, L’s Mother promptly thrust her fist into the air and cried “Not-zee!”.

Around horrified laughter (hers and ours) she finally managed to gasp “That’s! Not! Right!”

*****

(1)  It’s something a lot of Yahtzee players do, so it’s only moderately weird.

(2) Meaning, for those who don’t know, a triumphant fist being raised into the air accompanied by a cry of “Yahtzee!”.

Because I Get Nervous When People Talk About What They DON’T Do Instead Of What They Do Do

January 3, 2019

I may be the only person who sees a label that says “Animal cruelty free” and mentally adds, “But we torture the **** out of plants and humans!”.

Maybe An Even Better Start Than I First Thought

January 2, 2019

Yesterday I shared my “resolution” for the new year.  What I didn’t share yesterday (because it would have spoiled the punchline), was that one of the first things I did upon making that resolution was to stop by a diner for a spicy pepper omelet because that seemed the most enjoyable way for me to spend the hour that I had before it was time to pick up L’s Mother.  Upon finishing my meal I couldn’t help but notice that my server’s name was “Hope”.

So now I can honestly say I’ve had some hope in my life for the new year, and I have my resolution to thank for that.

(Yeah, I know . . . that was a long walk for that one, but it’s no joke that hope has been in short supply for a lot of people lately, so I’ll take what I can get.)