That’s Probably Even A Real Thing Too

My thoughts on overhearing someone ordering a “Snap Decision” from the bar today:  I wonder what you chase a “Snap Decision” with?  My money is on an “Instant Regret.”

It’s Obvious I’m Kidding, Right?

I always wanted to join the marching band as a kid, but my mother never supported me.  “Robert, you’re just not good enough,” she told me.  “You’re too delicate,” she told me.  “Nobody in their right mind tries to play the pipe organ in a marching band,” she told me . . .

That Just Made Me Happy

Today I watched a young family with a toddler react to a stranger paying for their lunch.  While that was nice, what really impressed me was said family made sure to leave their server a generous tip even though someone else was picking up the bill.

Sadly, There Are More Examples Of People Like That Than There Are Examples of Stained Glass

I’m always pleased to pass down the wisdom of previous generations to the next one.  Today that piece of wisdom was the descriptor of someone having “all the beauty and depth of a stained glass window.”

Maybe I Should Buy Him A Hat

My son:  Yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer . . . 

Me:  (Glancing at the sky, then at my son’s mother)  I’m glad the sun’s starting to go down; I’d hate for the boy to sunburn his tongue.

So Maybe There IS Only One Type Of Idiot

The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn’t realize they’re an idiot.

On the other hand, an idiot who knows they’re an idiot is an idiot no longer . . .

“That Escalated Quickly”

So last night I sampled a food combination I hadn’t sampled in a while, and this morning I woke up with a feeling in my guts that reminded me why I hadn’t sampled that particular combination in while.

L’s Mother (ever the food scholar) speculated that even though I’ve never had that reaction to these foods individually, because they were of the same plant family, perhaps they were reinforcing each other’s effects, and that’s why I was feeling this way.  This observation prompted her to suggest that, “Maybe next time you should add a third member of the same family and see if you–”

“Die?” I somewhat testily (but playfully) finished for her.

Maybe Someday I Will

My words while doing some organizing the other day:  Well look at this!  A memento from someone who has forgotten me from a time in my life best forgotten!  I should return the favor.

My actions while doing some organizing the other day:  Carefully gathers up the spilled rose petals and tucks them back in the envelope with the card before placing everything in a box with other keepsakes.

“Interpreting Context Clues”

“So that’s how she ended up leaving the building with a police escort and sporting a lovely new set of bracelets!” I finished my story at the dinner table last night.

My son chuckled.  “That’s a funny way of saying she got handcuffed,” he said.

His mother (who’s been taking point on our son’s school recently) beamed with pride.  “You definitely get an “A” in school today for that!” she told him.

Flabergasted, I turned to her and asked, “What exactly are you teaching him?!”

Be Equally Wary Around Either

From the outside a heartless sociopath is all but indistinguishable from a burnt out empath.