This Just Always Strikes Me As Funny

L’s Mother: Oh! Something else I was going to tell you . . . oh, you wouldn’t care . . .

Me: If you say so. I trust your judgement.

L’s Mother: *Proceeds to tell me at great length what she wasn’t going to tell me*

This Describes ALL My Early Relationships, In Fact

Today I was asked about my first kiss and if it was a good one or not; after a moment’s consideration, I admitted, “It was a good kiss, but a bad idea.”

It’s For The Same Basic Reason That I Didn’t Go Into Acting

While I’ve seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show several times, I’ve never dressed up in costume to watch it because I’d like to go as Rocky, but I’m better suited to being Riff Raff.

I Like To Think My Bias Made Me Unbiased Though

“You don’t sound very excited about it,” I was told today after my opinion was asked and then given.

“I’m not very excited about anything today,” I replied.

“Yeah? Well You’re . . . GREEN! What Do YOU Know?”

When you think about it, humanity’s ability to turn the most trivial of differences into the direst of insults is actually kind of impressive.

Inspired By A Conversation I Overheard Today

Good Compliment: “You have a great smile!”

Still A Pretty Good Compliment: “You have the kind of smile that I like.”

But Do Yourself A Favor And Never Say: “Your smile reminds me of my ex’s . . .”

Only People

To me the funny thing about yesterday was that I know lots of people would have considered a strange cat on their porch a nice surprise, but I tend to view cats with the same aloofness and muted disdain that they’ve always shown me.

I’ve yet to meet a cat who minded this.

It Wasn’t

This morning when I was in that half-awake/half-asleep haze, I was arguing with one of my dreams if it was going to be worth it for me to fully wake up just yet. (This sort of thing happens to me a lot.)

“Go on,” the dream encouraged me. “You’ll get a nice surprise today if you wake up.”

Not long after that when I was mostly awake, but still feeling hazy, L’s Mother sauntered in and announced that there’s a strange cat on the porch.

“That had better not be it,” I muttered.

A Thought From One Of My More Easily Distractible Days

It would be easier to not waste so much time if wastes of time actually felt like wastes of time when you were doing them.

They Recommended A Five Mile Run

Over the weekend I heard one of the funniest examples of correlation not causation I’ve heard in a while.

Someone was reminiscing on a “miracle fat burning cream” that was simplicity itself to use. Just spread the cream on the areas you wanted to loose fat from, then use your natural body heat to activate the cream and watch the pounds just melt away!

The recommended method to raise your body heat was to exercise.