Archive for February, 2022

Yeah, That’s Why I Called Her That

February 28, 2022

Over the weekend I had to call the bank to authorize a fund transfer (nothing grandiose, it was basically just to authorize a savings account with delusions of grandeur). Since L’s Mother had done the bulk of the set-up on this one, when the customer service rep asked me how we wanted to handle the transaction fee, I told her I needed to consult my “financial advisor,” and the rep chuckled politely as I handed the phone over to L’s Mother. L’s Mother informed the rep that she’d get that information, and to give her “one moment, please,” unconsciously slipping into her best professional phone voice as she did so.

There was a stunned pause, and then the rep, recognizing the signs of someone long accustomed to dealing with numbers and people over the phone, blurted out, “She really is your financial advisor!”

I’m Going To Mark That One In The “Maybe” Column

February 25, 2022

“You look like an alien!” I told L’s Mother this morning after being startled by the unnatural sheen coming from whatever product she had coated her entire face with.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. You don’t know,” she replied.

Not long after that, once the product had dried and she’d removed it, she came into the room to show me that, “Look! I peeled off my entire face!”

Or Who’s Lying More

February 24, 2022

Once people start shooting, it tends to eclipse the debate of who’s lying.

Further Proof My Life (Spelled With A “W”) Is Weird

February 23, 2022

Realizing she had left her coffee mug in another room, this morning L’s mother announced, “I can’t make my coffee yet because it’s not like I can use my hands as a mug.”

While not exactly a point I would call “reasonable,” it was at least a point I didn’t care to debate, and that would have been enough for most people.

L’s mother isn’t most people though.

“Because I always warm my mug with boiling water first,” she added.

My Life Is Weird (Or Maybe I Should Have Spelled That With A “W”)

February 22, 2022

I just want the record to show that today I joined a special party that L’s Mother had today at 2:22 because today is 2/22/2022. (Edit: AND it’s a Tuesday. I forgot that part.)

Because of course she did.

And The Train Will Always Beat You Harder

February 21, 2022

The house always wins” is a pretty basic concept.

It also applies to trains.

She’s Hoping The Chocolate Will Help With The Apology

February 18, 2022

We are currently undergoing a shortage of “good” chocolate in this house because L’s Mother accidently called someone in on their day off because today was the only day L’s Mother was free to meet with them.

At Least There’s A Common Link

February 17, 2022

When you’re a kid and you’re sick and you finally get out of bed, your parent says, “How are you feeling? Do you feel well enough to eat? Are you hungry?”

When you’re a parent and you’re sick and you finally get out of bed, your kid says, “Can you make me food?”

Because I Treasure Jokes I’ve Never Heard Before, I’m Recording This One

February 16, 2022

An old man was sitting on a park bench just people watching. As he watched, he’d periodically pull out a bar of chocolate and eat it. He’d done that six times when a little child wandered over to him.

“Eating that much chocolate is bad for you,” they said.

“I’ll have you know,” the old man replied, “that my grandfather lived to 105.”

“And did he eat that much chocolate too?” the child asked wide-eyed.

“No,” the old man snarled. “He minded his own damn business!”

I Don’t Blame Them For That, But Still . . .

February 15, 2022

Of late a friend of mine has been taking great joy (a little too much joy, if you ask me) in reminding me to be “patient,” and I’m finding it a challenge to be patient with that.

I don’t consider myself an impatient person by nature, but it’s long been a sore point of mine that I’m not as patient (particularly as a parent) as I would like to be. I’d like to be remembered as a person with vast, even endless, reserves of patience, but that doesn’t seem likely at this point. I do have reserves of patience, I swear, but nobody but me ever really considers that until they run out.