Archive for the ‘Letters to L.’ Category

I Stand Corrected

June 7, 2018

My son:  Hey, Dad.  I’m just watching a video, but I’m not going to watch all of it because I don’t want to waste my time.

Me:  You’re on your own time right now, so you can watch the whole video if you want.  You don’t have to call it a “waste of time” on my account.

My son:  It’s ten hours long.

Me:  That would be a waste of your time then!

Advertisements

I Wonder What He Thinks About Stock Market Trends In The Coming Weeks

June 1, 2018

My son:  *utilizing a toy as a makeshift crystal ball*  I can see into your future!

Me:  Good thing I’m in the market for a peek into my future then.

My son:  You shall . . . get very little sleep tonight.

Me:  Well that doesn’t sound very appealing!  Besides, I’ve been working to even out my sleep schedule lately, so barring an emergency, I’ll probably sleep just fine.

Me:  (Later, and still wide awake at 1:30 A.M.)  Huh.

Here’s Something You Won’t Read In Any Parenting Books

May 23, 2018

“Careful, kiddo,” I admonished my son yesterday after he carelessly jostled me.  “The tea in my mug is still pretty hot, and I don’t want to spill it on me or you.”

“How badly would it hurt if you spilled it?” he asked.

Freshly sizing up the temperature of the mug in my hand, thus assuring myself that the tea wasn’t scalding, I stuck my finger in the tea.  “A little bit,” I answered after a moment.  “Not much, but it wouldn’t be comfortable.”

My son looked at me askance.  “Did you really just stick your finger in there?”

Appreciating his healthy skepticism, I demonstrated the trick again so he could see that I wasn’t trying to pull a fast one on him this time.

“Could I . . .?” he sort of asked, unsure of the words he wanted to use.

“Check the temperature of the side of the mug first to give you an idea of what you’d be getting into,” I advised him.  “Then . . . if you really want to . . . okay.”

After checking the mug, he carefully dunked his finger into my tea as well.  His eyes widened slightly, then he pulled his finger out and said, “That is hot.  I’ll be more careful next time!”

Lesson learned, for now, at least . . . and, yes, I still drank the rest of my tea.

Do Pod People Even Come In A “Healthy Living” Variety?

May 21, 2018

Technically the last day of school for us is tomorrow, but all assignments having been turned in, tomorrow is really more of a celebration day than a school day.  With little for us to do today but fill the time waiting, I figured my son would want to goof off.

Instead he asked me to jog around the house ten times with him as part of his new “healthy living” summer program.  Which I did.

But I’m still confused.

 

 

This Has Been My Life Lately

May 15, 2018

My son:  This tastes like juicy water!  (Translation:  There’s too much water in his juice.)

Me:  That’s odd.  I was in a hurry this morning, so I didn’t add any water.

My son:  In that case it’s too sweet.  Can you add some water, please?

Then He Wanted To Play Star Wars

May 4, 2018

Today I told my son it was “Star Wars Day” because it was May the fourth, as in “May the fourth be with you.”

He was distinctly unimpressed.

He’s A Bright Kid

May 1, 2018

Yesterday I was in the process of walking into a room when I found an inflatable sun blocking the doorway.  Things like this happen with children in the house, so I just moved it out of my way and didn’t give it a second thought.

Until later when I found it in the doorway again.

Why is this toy in my way after I’ve already moved it once?” I asked my son.

“Because it’s a sunblock!” he answered with a cheesy grin.

That’s Why It’s Important To Watch Their Eyes, Son

April 19, 2018

While my son and I were playing with our dog this morning, she started to get rambunctious, so we ended up singing, “Crazy eyes, crazy eyes!  It should come as no surprise, that you are feeling wild, ’cause we see your crazy eyes!” (I have just come to accept that this is “normal” in this house.)

It was only later that it occurred to me that if someone had taught me to look for crazy eyes when I was my son’s age, my life would have turned out very differently . . .

So Your Mother Keeps Telling Me

April 11, 2018

L  (Age 7):  Do you want to see a magic trick, Dad?

Me:  I’m pretty sure I just said I needed a few minutes to get some work done, buuuuut . . . okay.

L:  *spends several long moments twirling and making “mysterious” noises*

Me:  Okaaay . . . what’s the trick?

L:  *putting his finger to his lips*  Shhhhh.  The magic takes time.

Perhaps I’m Destined To Be The One To Write This Book . . . AFTER I’ve Gotten More Rest

April 6, 2018

Something fiction involving parenthood actually prepares you for:  The nigh-inevitable “child not wanting to be alone coming into your room in the middle of the night” moment.

Something some fiction involving parenthood sort of prepares you for:  The moment when you child begins do their best to recreate their room in yours so they can sleep better when they do finally go to sleep and let you sleep again as well.

Something fiction involving parenthood tends to gloss over:  That moment when you are pressed against the wall and tangled in a Frankenstein-like creation of covers, some of you hot and some of you cold, but all of you unwilling to move lest you wake the child that has kept you awake for over an hour now.

Something I know fiction involving parenthood has never mentioned:  The moment when at long last you get back to sleep as well and lapse into a fitful dream involving creepy crawly things and your child brushes their foot against you at the perfect time to startle you awake once more.