Archive for the ‘Letters to L.’ Category

And He’s Not Familiar With The History Of The Phrase

December 11, 2018

I want to make clear up front that I don’t have a horse running in this race, so to speak, but I have to give my son the point from yesterday that an awful lot of duplication of effort goes into making public restrooms “separate but equal.”


So Far I’ve Still Managed To Be Nice About It, At Least . . . So Far

December 10, 2018

My son’s getting old enough now that he’s starting to ask me the trickier questions about why certain things are the way they are, and I’m running out of nice ways to say “Sometimes people are just ridiculous.”

She Then Looked At Me And Said “But You Can Use THAT If You Like.”

December 5, 2018

“Maybe you can use what she just said, Dad,” my son announced, prompting a puzzled look from his mother.

“He really wants me to write about you for Candles and Curses today,” I explained, “so he’s waiting for you to say something funny.”

“Sorry, son,” she replied, “but I can only be funny when I’m trying to be serious.”

True Parenthood In Action

November 26, 2018

“Yes, son, I still love you even after you’ve thrown something directly at my face.  I know it was an accident and it was a soft block and didn’t do any damage, but just in case my look of surprised fury didn’t clue you in . . . don’t throw things at my face.”

Yesterday’s Parenting Experience.

November 15, 2018

Me:  Okay, kiddo, it’s been one of those days, so I’m going to lie down for just a bit while this headache passes.  Get me if you need me, of course, but try to keep in mind that I need to rest as best I can.

L:  Okay!

(A few minutes later.)

L:  *opening door*  Dad?

Me:  *opening eyes*  Yes?

L:  Isa went poo on the pad, but I cleaned it up for you so you didn’t have to.

Me:  Thank you!  But why are you waking me up to tell me this now?

L:  I can’t find her treats for being a good girl.

Me:  They’re in the office.

L:  Okay!  *shuts door*

(Less than a minute later.)

L: *opening door*  Where in the office?

Me: *eyes already open because I’d been waiting for this*  Left of the trampoline.

L:  Okay! *shuts door*

(A few minutes later.  Just enough time to lull me into a false sense of security.)

L:  *opening door*  Dad?

Me:  *opening eyes*  Yes?

L:  Isa had more poo, but this time it made me sick and I threw up in the bathroom.

Me:  *getting out of bed*  Well . . . your heart was in the right place; too bad your stomach wasn’t.

I Really Did

November 8, 2018

“Today you are H.E.L.L.O.” my son informed me this morning.

“Hello?” I asked.

“No, H.E.L.L.O.!” he corrected me by spelling it out for me again.

“Either way, makes sense to me,” I said with a shrug.  “I feel like ‘hello’ this morning.”

Now That You Mention It, Son, That Really IS Pretty Snotty!

November 1, 2018

You shouldn’t ask a yes-no question and then make ‘yes’ not an option!

– L, Age 7 (but only for a couple more days) – in response to The Little Red Hen story


This Is How You Measure Success In This Case

October 29, 2018

Over the weekend as part of my continuing efforts to get me and my son outside more, I introduced my son to playing frisbee in the backyard.

Total frisbee recovery tally for the weekend:  3 roof recoveries and 1 neighbor’s yard recovery

That’s . . . My Boy (We Need To Talk About The Downsides Of Comedy, Son, And SOON!)

October 25, 2018

Today my son had a substitute teacher in his virtual class, and early on she had struggled with pronouncing his name to his kid satisfaction, so the second time she called on him she laughingly told him she was just going to call him “Mister Alan”.

Without missing a beat, my son grinned and retorted, “That’s just ‘Mister’ to you!”

Fortunately, his teacher thought it was funny, and when I (instantly) confronted him over it, his reasoning was, essentially, “She set me up for it.  I pretty much had to!”

That’s My Boy

October 23, 2018

While getting ready for class this morning, my son told me that he hoped that we “didn’t get into a tighter situation than a pair of designer jeans on a well-fed elephant.”  Then he gave due credit to where he’d heard the phrase when I asked him.