Archive for the ‘Letters to L.’ Category

My Kingdom For A Cross Street!

June 27, 2017

Today my entry was delayed by my decision to accompany my son and Lala on a little outing that turned out to be not quite so little after all.  The main reason for this was because at one point our next destination was close “as the crow flies,” but we were driving, not riding crows . . .

 

I’ll Do That, Son

June 13, 2017

Yesterday I took an extra moment to properly time my necessary walking between my son and the television screen while my son was playing a game.

“Why do you try to be so careful about not blocking my view?” he asked me.

Chuckling, I answered, “Well . . . it’s because it used to seem like my mom was always blocking my view when I was really interested in something, and I remember how much I hated that, so whenever I can, I try not to do that to you.”

“Oh,” my son replied, then after a  thoughtful pause he asked, “Is Grandmama still coming to visit this week?”

“Yes,” I told him.

“Can you please remind her that it’s rude to block people’s views?”

It Was A Completely Legal And Safe Turn, I Just Didn’t Have A Lot Of Time To Linger While Doing It

June 9, 2017

Today my son learned that when I’m driving and say “Hang on!”, I mean it!

I Now Have A New Standard For “Ironic”

June 7, 2017

What follows is a (heavily paraphrased to better capture background nuances) exchange between me and my son:

Him:  “Dad, do you want to do something together?”

Me (Knowing that it’s been raining for days and that he’s feeling cooped up):  “Sure!  What do you want to do?”

Him:  “It has to be something inside because I don’t like getting wet.”

Me:  “Of course.”

Him:  “Do you want to log into [an online game that includes fishing] and fish together?”

Me (Indulgently):  “Sure.”

Him:  “Isn’t this great?”

Me (Uncertainly as I watch our avatars standing together in virtual rain as they fish):  “Yes . . .?”

A Couple Million Years Ought To Do It

May 30, 2017

Today I was presented with the theoretical situation of what would I do if my fifteen-year-old son asked me what I thought of the idea of him getting on a bus to travel hundreds of miles alone so he could meet someone he’d meet online.

It didn’t take me long to come up with my answer.

“What I’d tell him,” I said, “is that if that’s what he really wants to do, what he needs to do is wait for the end of humanity on Earth, give it enough time for the radiation levels to die down and for the cockroaches to achieve sentience, then ask his cockroach father and see what he says.”

But I’m Going To Put Mine On Now

May 25, 2017

Today is my son’s last day of kindergarten, and I’m feeling . . . maudlin, not because time continues to pass, but because he is profoundly unimpressed by this day.

Up to a point, I understand.  I’m not one to enjoy pomp and circumstance myself (I remember arguing with my parents about me not wanting to “bother” with attending my high school graduation ceremony.), but we both walked a hard road together, son, and it’s okay to acknowledge that fact.

And, again, no, you don’t “have to” wear the party hat.

Parting Advice From (And For) My Son’s Kindergarten Class

May 22, 2017
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
 Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss

Because I’m Not Having Much Luck On That Front

May 17, 2017

Today my six-year-old son grasped the concept that just because you agree with an opinion, that does not make it a fact, not even if the opinion is a very, very good one.

May he someday teach this concept to the rest of the world.

So I Definitely Need Another Term . . . AND A Vacation

May 15, 2017

You know how some people like to say that they need a vacation from their vacation?  Right now I feel almost exactly the same way, except that I object to calling it a “vacation.”

I’m not complaining, I’m really not.  If given the chance to do it all over, I do everything pretty much exactly the same, but so my family could have a mini-vacation, I ended up being on duty for essentially 96 hours straight.  (This time our stay was three nights, and I took point on my son all three nights because he asked me to do it.)

Thanks For Using Me As Your Emotional Proxy There, Son

May 3, 2017

The school year is coming to an end soon, and I think my son is going to miss his virtual school teacher, but he doesn’t want to admit it.

I came to this conclusion after leaving class briefly to get myself a glass of water, only to come back to hear his teacher saying, “Oh, L., I’m going to miss you guys too!”

Suspicious at the timing (He’d type his every thought into the chat box if I let him, so I usually ask him what he’s typing as soon as I hear the first keystrokes, and this wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken advantage of any lapse of my attention), I looked over his shoulder to see what he had typed in my brief absence:

“My dad is really going to miss you!”