Archive for the ‘The Wit And Wisdom Of L’s Mother’ Category

I Then Promptly Returned And Said, “But You Were Saying?”

May 17, 2021

“Now this won’t be of any interest to you whatsoever . . .” L’s Mother foolishly used as a lead-in with me early this morning.

So of course I interrupted her with, “You’re right,” and walked out of the room.

Maybe That WAS The Meditation . . . Seems Appropriate, At Least

May 4, 2021

Today’s marks the day I had my most “21st century” conversation to date:

Me: (Seeing that L’s Mother is wearing a VR helmet) What are you doing?

L’s Mother: I’m doing a quick VR meditation, but all I’m seeing is “Updating, please wait.”

So THAT’S Why They Kicked Me Out Of That Class!

April 28, 2021

It’s not a good idea to shove things down people’s throats just so you can practice the Heimlich Maneuver.

– L’s Mother

Fortunately For Me, She Said Yes

April 20, 2021

The other evening after making some poor choices for dinner and now suffering the consequences, L’s Mother turned to me and announced, “I think it’s time for me to be alone with my bad choices.”

I contemplated that for a moment, then asked, “You are asking me to leave now, right?”

She Was Still Being Facetious Though

March 31, 2021

So yesterday I picked up some new to me ice cream sandwiches because they were on sale (thereby proving my genetic link to my parents, but I digress), and was sampling one of them with my son. We agreed the ice cream was excellent, and even though the cookie wafer was a little too firm for our liking, we had to admit this might be one of the finest ice cream sandwiches we had ever had.

We said this out loud . . . in front my son’s mother . . . a woman who loves ice cream sandwiches, but has had to cut dairy out of her diet.

Her response?

A very quiet (and I’m quoting her literally here), “Neither of you have parents who are married to each other.”

My son initially thought she was facetiously threatening me with divorce, but after I moment I got what name she was really calling us.

I Do, And She Has A Point

March 26, 2021

Do you know what they did in Rome?

– L’s Mother’s horrified response to being advised to “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

My Response: Breathing Is Overrated

March 22, 2021

I’ve stated before the reasons behind my reluctance to talk about the weather these days, so I winced when yesterday I heard L’s Mother telling one of her sisters how warm it is here. To L’s Mother’s credit, she did add that at the moment the pollen is so thick that it’s practically impossible to breathe right now.

Her sister’s retort was simply, “We got 25 inches of snow this year.”

Does This Sort Of Thing Happen To Anyone Else?

March 9, 2021

Me: *Getting ready to make a snack for L.* Do you know where the jelly is? It’s not where it should be.

L’s Mother: I put it back to where we used to keep it. (I.e, where we used to keep it eight months ago!)

Sometimes The Jokes Just Tell Themselves And I Don’t Have To Say A Word

March 4, 2021

L’s Mother has been in meetings most of this week, so I haven’t seen her very often. At one point early in the week she came out and announced that she had already “wasted” six minutes of her thirty minute break, and I responded with a quick opinion of what she could have been doing with those six minutes. (Make of that what you will and judge me how you like because I don’t care because I didn’t say it to you, and it made L’s Mother laugh as I knew it would.)

Just this morning she came out of her office, announced she had ten minutes, saw that I was standing right there with a “Well?” look on my face, and she promptly collapsed in a fit of giggles on the couch.

I’m Not A Big Drinker, But I Also Hate Wasting A Good Drink

March 3, 2021

Speaking of anniversaries, today is the anniversary of the day L’s Mother first shared a drink with me . . . because we were in Vegas, the drink in question was a margarita in a glass around three feet tall, and I legitimately feared that I would die if I drank it all myself.