Archive for the ‘The Wit And Wisdom Of L’s Mother’ Category

To Each Their Own, But . . . Wow!

March 30, 2023

“Now that it’s time to say goodnight, there’s something I’ve been meaning to share with you, but I didn’t want to ruin the mood of the evening,” L’s Mother told me last night.

“Okaaaay,” I said, doing my best to brace myself.

“If you think about it, there’s got to be at least one couple out there somewhere who has roleplayed Doctor Honeydew and Beaker in a . . . you know . . .”

“Thank you for not ruing the mood of the evening!” I quickly interjected.

Keeping It Light Today

February 15, 2023

Me: *setting up the cleaning drone while the dog looks on suspiciously* Relax, Isa. I’m just having it do a little spot cleaning, not Spot cleaning, so it’s not going to chase you.

L’s Mother: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Me: Your day’s been that hard, huh?

(Like I’ve said before, I just make the jokes, I don’t laugh at them.)

The Subtext Of My Conversation With L’s Mother About Yesterday’s Post

February 8, 2023

L’s Mother: What you wrote yesterday was a little mean spirited, you know. They probably just wanted to close the ticket since it was a larger problem already being worked on.

Me: Agree to disagree. They’re the ones who set the rule of “If you don’t respond, we’ll consider the matter resolved.”

L’s Mother: (Without irony) Even so . . . did you try the simple and obvious fixes? That usually work for me.

Me: (Suspiciously) Is this what gaslighting feels like?

I’ve NO Idea What I’m Going To Post Tomorrow Though

November 24, 2022

In honor of Thanksgiving, L’s Mother asked me to go seventy-two hours without sharing anything even remotely negative no matter how interesting or funny, so . . .

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

And She Understood Because She’s My Best Friend Too

October 21, 2022

This morning right after I woke up and stumbled to the kitchen, L’s Mother started talking to me, and out of the blue said, “You’re my best friend.”

I knew my response to that, but I was too tired to formulate the words at the time, so I smiled and made myself a cup of tea. After I was more awake though, I sought her out in the kitchen, put my arms around her and whispered in her ear, “Nobody is my best friend when I’ve just woken up.”

Um . . . Maybe?

October 19, 2022

“Is it a full moon?” L’s mother asked me last night. (It wasn’t.) “Because my teeth feel extra sharp tonight.”

Now some people would find this a strange thing to say, but not me since I knew exactly what she was talking about. What I found strange was what she (without any intent of being funny) said next:

“Oh well, are you ready to try that blood, I mean bread pudding I made?”

As I Went To Get Her Ice

September 22, 2022

L’s Mother: Would it be asking too much for you to get me some ice?

Me: At the moment, yes. I can do it a bit though.

L’s Mother: Okay. It’s just that I burnt myself and . . .

Me: *sighing because once again she has buried the lead*

Good Thing I Asked

August 26, 2022

Another sign you may need coffee is if someone places a large, bright red travel mug full of coffee on your desk while you are away, then stops by a few moments later, points to said bright red mug literally in front of you and asks, “You noticed that, right?”, and your response is a confused, “Noticed what?”.

I Think She’s Starting To Develop An Opinion About This

August 16, 2022

A couple weeks back I asked L’s Mother, “What does “LB” stand for on the calendar?”

“Oh!” she replied. “You know how we got woken up by a leaf blower this morning?”

“Yeah . . .”

“Well,” she continued, “I want to track how often that happens so I know if it’s a one-time or even just an occasional thing, or if it’s something I’m going to have to ask someone to stop.”

“Fair enough,” I said.

Today after being woken by a leaf blower, I noticed the calendar had dutifully been marked . . .

. . . with “FLB.”

Not ALL My Memories With L’s Mother Are Sweet

August 15, 2022

L’s Mother (who absolutely adores dark chocolate, the darker the better): Did I make the dessert too much to my tastes?

Me (choking and flashing back to the time I ate unsweetened baking chocolate as a child): That’s . . . one way to put it.