Archive for the ‘The Wit And Wisdom Of L’s Mother’ Category

It’s The Circle Of Life

July 4, 2022

The other day L’s Mother referenced “generic hotdogs,” and that naturally prompted me to start singing, “Hot dogs, generic hot dogs! What kind of kids eat generic hot dogs? Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks . . .

“Now if you could only tell me what’s actually in generic hotdogs,” L’s Mother retorted with a smirk.

“I just did,” I replied. “Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks . . .”

And That’s When I Knew Her Day Was REALLY Bad

June 14, 2022

L’s Mother: I’m not having a good day, and I also don’t feel well, so I’m going to take a bath while I’ve got the chance.

Me: (Knowing that we’ve had lightning strikes in our area recently.) Would you like me to check the weather for you first so you don’t get electrocuted and die?

L’s Mother: *pauses just a little too long before answering*

I Just Wish They Were Less Noisy And Didn’t Make Such A Mess

June 10, 2022

While contemplating a family of Canada Geese that has taken up occasional residence in our yard, L’s Mother commented, “I know they may be considered an invasive species(1), but I kind of like them.”

That was the moment I realized that I feel the same way about humans.

**********

(1) They’re not, but Muscovy Ducks are, so it was a reasonable guess.

Because I Learn From My Mistakes

June 2, 2022

“My eye is a little red today,” L’s Mother announced a few days back.

Then I noticed she was wearing a red top.

I like what you’re wearing,” I told her.

And I Consider Being Able To Breathe One Of The Best Parts Of Waking Up

May 26, 2022

“Oh nooooo!” I heard L’s Mother exclaim from the kitchen this morning, and from her tone I knew she’d noticed that I was using the coffee maker.

“Relax,” I assured her as I walked into the kitchen. “I slept well and feel fine, I just woke up a little stuffy.”

And This Is True Understanding (And It Was Her Stomach)

May 24, 2022

“I’ve been awake and productive since 6 A.M.” L’s Mother announced this morning.

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “Was it your stomach?”

That’s True Love Right There

May 23, 2022

This morning L’s Mother looked at the breakfast I had worked hard to prepare for myself, and she expressed a temptation to steal it even though it wasn’t on her diet.

And I looked at her, and at that moment I realized *I* was tempted to not kill her if she tried.

And Then There Are Days Like Today Where I Don’t Think I’m Awake At All

May 19, 2022

Yesterday I mentioned my friend with the reversed from expected awake and asleep brain patterns.

Yes, I laughed about this at the time, I think we all did. (It really did explain some things.)

But.

It also made me wonder just why am I so sure I’m awake just because I think I am?

When She’s Right, She’s Right

May 11, 2022

This morning L’s Mother greeted me with a cheery, “Good morning!” before noticing the mug in my hand, the mug I only use with the coffee maker.

“Oh,” she said. “That’s not your ‘good morning’ mug!”

She Was So Happy She Got One That She Included A Fist Pump With Her “Yes!”

April 27, 2022

My son and I are currently studying (to use the vernacular) “Eastern” history and culture, and an especially patriarchal period of one culture had a list of seven reasons when a daughter-in-law or wife could be disowned. (I’m not calling this culture out by name because many, many cultures all around our globe throughout history have had similar attitudes, albeit not always quite so specifically stated.) Before hearing the list, I turned to my son and facetiously asked him how many of those reasons he thought might apply to his mother (who is a very independent person).

He wisely declined to answer, but when I told his mother this, her response was a hopeful, “Did I get all seven?”

“No,” I had to tell her. “I’m sure you would disobey your parents-in-law if you felt the need, but they’ve never ordered you to do anything, so that’s never come up. You’ve borne a male heir and you’re one of the least jealous people I know, so neither of those apply, and neither do adultery, stealing, or having an incurable disease. ‘Talkative,’ on the other hand . . .”