I have since found out that the aforementioned “worm slingshot” incident involved a stretchable toy worm and stretching it out to “slingshot” it across the room. Apparently both L. and his mother were unprepared for the amount of force this generated, but were fortunate enough to not hit anything breakable.
And, yes, L’s Mother was indeed the instigator.
“This may have been as bad an idea as the worm slingshot,” my son announced this morning.
No, I had no idea what the “worm slingshot” was, but certain probabilities crystalized for me when his mother grinningly said, “We weren’t going to tell your dad about that, remember?”
Turning to L’s Mother, I looked at her with play accusation and asked, “What did you do?”
Today I don’t know what to write. I’m not feeling like being funny today, nor am I feeling morose enough that I feel I have to be funny. With that said, I’m going to tell a joke anyway because now I can do it without feeling disingenuous. It’s not a good joke, but it’s one I wanted to record here because it’s bad and I’m proud of it.
The other day L. and his Mother were talking about the word “wherewithal,” but off the top of their heads, neither could come up with a concise definition. When this was brought to my attention I said, “It’s like a regular withal except on a night with a full moon.”
This morning L’s Mother pulled me into her arms, snuggled up against me and said, “Tonight we need to make sure that L. goes to bed on time because I’m really . . .” Her voice became husky here, almost a purr. “Sleepy,” she finished (without irony, I might add).
Regardless, my point on Monday wasn’t to criticize L’s Mother’s doodles, but to express my bemusement at the combination of her personal symbology and some obscure days of celebration. I think I can be forgiven, for instance, for wondering what “Burning Keyhole Day” was supposed to celebrate (it’s actually National Cheese Toast Day), but there are one I really should have kept my mouth shut on.
Especially because “Suicide Pact Day” (represented by a skull and crossbones followed by a heart symbol) turned out to be marking Talk Like A Pirate Day and Wife Appreciate Day.
I was going to ask your opinion, then I remembered that I was going to do it anyway.
– L’s Mother, said to me earlier today (And I still don’t know what she did.)
“I just finished up a few rounds of bellows breath,” L’s Mother told me yesterday. “Not to be confused with Mister Bellows’ breath, of course,” she added with a grin.
Now friends and neighbors, there are few things sadder than dropping a reference some fifty odd years out of date and expecting someone else to get it, but sadder things do exist.
“It’s Doctor Bellows‘ breath,” I corrected her.
“I’m going to get some things from the grocery store,” L’s mother announced this morning.
“If you get another cake, I’m divorcing you,” I told her. (This seemed like a reasonable thing to joke about since threating violence over a cake seemed like too much to me.) “But don’t worry,” I added. “It’s not like I’ll move out or anything.”
“The funny thing is,” she chuckled, “my first thought was, ‘It’s going to be hard to pay for your insurance if you’re not my spouse . . .'”
After stumbling into the kitchen early this morning, I noticed that the water dispenser we usually keep in the refrigerator was sitting on the kitchen counter. While still bleary-eyed, I could see that it was empty, and guessed (correctly) that L’s Mother had intended to refill it, but got interrupted. While still sleepy, I figured (correctly) that I was awake enough to refill a water dispenser.
What I wasn’t awake enough for was to notice that L’s Mother had left the spigot on the dispenser open.
Here’s another one for the “Things Like This Really Happen To Me” file:
The other night L’s Mother had a dream that “nature spirits” wanted to get her something for her upcoming birthday. She didn’t tell me this because she didn’t take this terribly seriously because . . . dream, but yesterday evening she found herself thinking, “Well, if they are going to get me something for my birthday, they need to do it soon.”
Cue me walking in with a large blue-green bouncy ball saying, “This just floated down the waterway and stopped at our yard. Maybe it’s a birthday gift from the water spirits . . .”
