Archive for the ‘The Wit And Wisdom Of L’s Mother’ Category

My Exact Response Was A Horrified “Oh, God!”

April 29, 2019

L’s Mother hurt her eye a few days back, not badly, but it looked horrible, more red than any other color, particularly the next day.  So much so that I had already admitted to her that I found the sight of it disturbing.

This is perhaps a weakness I should not have drawn attention to.

The next morning (early enough that I wasn’t even thinking about her eye yet) she came into my office wearing a red and white sundress, and proclaimed, “You never complement me when I wear something that matches my eyes anymore!”.

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When NOT Making The Joke Leads To More Jokes

April 4, 2019

Lala:  I’m going to draw a bath.

Me:  *doesn’t take the joke bait, but it doesn’t make any difference*

Lala:  . . . with crayon!

L’s Mother:  You should use water colors instead!

“Yes, That Was Exactly It”

March 20, 2019

“Who bought the ‘Would-Kill-Me-If-I-Ate-It pie?'” L’s Mother asked me yesterday.

“Lala,” I answered.  “She knew I was feeling down and thought it might help.”

L’s Mother considered that for a moment.  “And she blamed me for your mood, is that it?” she asked with a smirk.

That’s Just Not Something I Worry About

March 19, 2019

The other day while eating a dish that included soybeans as an ingredient, L’s Mother took pains to assure me that I didn’t include enough soybeans in my diet to have to worry about Phytoestrogens.

To say the least, I found this an odd choice for dinner conversation, but not wanting to be rude, I assured her that I was far more like to worry about the “Fido estrogen” in our dog, Isa, than I was to worry about something like that.

I’m Pretty Sure I Know What She Meant, But I’m Going To Watch The Movie With Her Anyway Just To Be On The Safe Side

March 4, 2019

“Watching Coco is my new Halloween tradition,” L’s Mother announced the other day.  “I’m going to watch it every Halloween even if I have to watch it with my dead family.”

Oh, THAT Tradition!

January 9, 2019

“Mom, when do we have to take the Christmas tree down?” my son asked the other day.

“We can keep it up as long as you like,” his mother answered.

“But when are we supposed to take it down?” he wanted to know.

Smiling, his mother replied, “If we follow tradition, February.”

February? I thought.  What tradition is she following?

My question must have been visible on my face, because she continued with, “Because by February it’s so close to Valentine’s Day that you’re out of excuses for not having taken your tree down earlier.”

Not When You Say It Out Loud, No

January 4, 2019

Last night we were playing Yahtzee and L’s Mother had one more roll of the die to complete her Yahtzee attempt, so she was talking to the die.(1)

“If you come through as a two, I will totally do the Yahtzee thing(2), I swear!” she told it.  “Come on, it’ll be funny!”  Evidently though, the die thought of something funnier, because she rolled a five.

Not to be outdone, however, L’s Mother promptly thrust her fist into the air and cried “Not-zee!”.

Around horrified laughter (hers and ours) she finally managed to gasp “That’s! Not! Right!”

*****

(1)  It’s something a lot of Yahtzee players do, so it’s only moderately weird.

(2) Meaning, for those who don’t know, a triumphant fist being raised into the air accompanied by a cry of “Yahtzee!”.

Fortunately, I Had

December 21, 2018

Me:  So I just read that Julie Andrews voices some kind of monster in Aquaman.

Lala and L’s Mother:   (simultaneously)  Really?!  We have to see this movie!

Me:  Wow.  I hope I read that right then.

L’s Mother:  (teasing, but ominously)  I hope you did too.

She Then Looked At Me And Said “But You Can Use THAT If You Like.”

December 5, 2018

“Maybe you can use what she just said, Dad,” my son announced, prompting a puzzled look from his mother.

“He really wants me to write about you for Candles and Curses today,” I explained, “so he’s waiting for you to say something funny.”

“Sorry, son,” she replied, “but I can only be funny when I’m trying to be serious.”

But It Made Me Smile On A Day I TRULY Needed A Smile

September 18, 2018

(Another paraphrased encounter with L’s Mother.)

“Since you said you were going to wait until your foot was better to move the trampoline, I was going to move it for you,” she told me this morning.  “Then I realized if I could move it, you could move it, and you probably meant you were waiting to move it until you could use it again.”

She was right too.