Archive for the ‘The Wit And Wisdom Of L’s Mother’ Category

And It Was Telling Me That It Was Time To Wrap It Up

May 10, 2017

This one is going to take a bit of explaining.

When she was a child, L’s Mother spent a lot of time around a couple of British expatriates.  Since these were her formative years, it left her with traces of a BBC worthy accent with certain words, primarily those that sound something like ‘really’ . . . but only when she’s tired.

Today turned out to be an incredibly busy day for us all (hence the lateness of this entry), and at one point I asked her how she was doing.

“I was going to hide how ‘weary’ I am,” she replied.  “But I have a tell.”

It Was Just The Two Of Us In The Car

May 8, 2017

“Oh, look!” L’s Mother exclaimed while we were in the car the other day.  “Cute puppy!”

Since I was driving, I could only spare a fraction of a second to glance in the direction she was pointing, but as near as I could tell, the puppy was indeed cute.  So cute, in fact, that the puppy reminded me of our own puppy, Isa, and the emergency bath I had to give her earlier that day.

All puppies are cute when you’re not the one getting **** out of their fur,” I chuckled.

There’s No Shame In Admitting We Both Had To Look It Up

May 1, 2017

This morning via text L’s Mother tried to congratulate me on replacing a door handle, but for some reason “handle” autocorrected to “hydrangea.”  Her response to this was very . . . her:

Seriously?  THAT’S what it gets from ‘handle’?  Whose vocabulary needs that on autocorrect?

I could only think of one response:

Landscapers?

Sometimes It’s Just The Right Thing To Say (And Of Course I DID Promise)

March 24, 2017

L’s Mother and I haven’t had much time for each other lately with all of us being some degree of under the weather . . . and because L. is six.  In fact, last night she was bemoaning this fact, so I gently pulled her into my arms and assured her that soon we’d all be feeling better again and that she’d be [Censored.  SERIOUSLY Censored.  Whatever you think I might have said here, it’s probably tame in comparison to what I actually said!] in no time.

Now I’m pretty good at gauging my audience, but I wasn’t 100% sure I’d said the right thing until I saw her eyes mist over as she smiled at me and asked, “Really?!  Promise?!”

And That’s When I Knew Exactly How Bad She Was Feeling

February 16, 2017

“Are you gracing us with your presence today?” I asked L’s Mother this morning since it was well past the time that she normally leaves for work.

When she just sort of stared at me instead of answering, I began to suspect that my question was phrased incorrectly, so I tried again with “Will you be present today?”

This time she sort of half-chuckled and half-sighed before answering “I’m not leaving the house today if that’s what you mean.”

For A While I Was Leaning Toward Not Sharing This

December 12, 2016

“Last night I dreamt that you had a group of handlers for your public image, and they decided to create you a girlfriend named Eileen Moore,” L’s mother told me the other day.

“Well ‘Eileen Less’ doesn’t conjure up the same image, now does it?” I replied.

Subtle Signs

October 14, 2016

I’m not out of sorts, I’m just out of order.

– L’s Mother when asked how she was feeling last night

“Pretty Sure, Yeah”

September 6, 2016

“Are you sure your son is only five?” one of L’s Mother’s co-workers asked her the other day, thus sparking the memory of L., toy screwdriver in each hand, walking around the house as he pretended to be a Pokemon called “Screwhands.”

So Don’t Worry, She’s Ahead On Points

August 4, 2016

Now if any of you out there felt I was being a tad . . . unrelenting on L’s Mother last week, rest assured that she got her own back.  (She always does.)

Last Friday she came in looking about as worn down as I’ve ever seen her, and she confessed to me that she had just been “faking it” the entire day.

She then smirked and informed me that if I played my cards right, I “could be a part of that later in the evening.”

Well . . . She Should Have Been Clear That She Meant That You ORDER It Online

July 29, 2016

The same conversation with L’s Mother that sparked my dating “wisdom” comment also featured the following interaction:

Her:  I thinking about using an online test for a particular vitamin deficiency.  It’s supposed to be pretty good.

Me:  Okay.

Her:  It’s simple too.  You’ll know if you have the vitamin deficiency depending on if you can taste something or not.

Me:  Wait . . . you said “online,” right?  What are you supposed to do, lick the screen?

Her:  (Deadpan) Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.