Archive for the ‘Wags and Growls’ Category

Keeping It Light Today

February 15, 2023

Me: *setting up the cleaning drone while the dog looks on suspiciously* Relax, Isa. I’m just having it do a little spot cleaning, not Spot cleaning, so it’s not going to chase you.

L’s Mother: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Me: Your day’s been that hard, huh?

(Like I’ve said before, I just make the jokes, I don’t laugh at them.)

Dear Isa

November 22, 2022

Little dog, I know there are times you can’t help but be under foot, and I know you don’t understand the harshness in my voice when I tell you to move sometimes, but let the record reflect that harshness is in my voice because I’m carrying something that if I dropped it on you, would kill you dead.

In the parlance of my youth, “roll a saving throw, you’re still dead!”

And The Fact That This Has Never Happened Doesn’t Seem To Deter Her

June 24, 2022

Sometimes I wonder why my dog is just staring at me.

I suspect she doesn’t want to miss it in case I spontaneously decide to give her an extra meal.

Discretion Is The Better Part Of Hunger Too, It Seems

April 25, 2022

In the midst of the chaos of the approaching end of the school year, I heard our dog, Isa, yipping her “Hey!” bark from the family room. Curious, I stuck my head in because she usually only yips like that when she wants someone to open a door for her.

It turns out L. had dropped two pieces of cereal on the couch out of her reach, and while Isa is capable of jumping up on the couch, the floor in front of it is slick enough for her that she doesn’t like to make the attempt after some embarrassing nose-bonking failures.

So she was asking for help like the unapologetic chowhound that she is.

I Love It When A Joke Comes Together

December 31, 2020

The other day our dog wouldn’t stop barking because we’d gotten a delivery, so I told her, “Isa, stop barking at the delivery! I know it’s here, I’m getting it now, so you can stop telling me it’s here.”

When I opened the door, I saw the package was for L’s Mother from a place called “Katz,” and I didn’t even try to resist. I turned back to the dog (who was still barking), and told her, “Isa, stop barking at Katz!”

Okay, Maybe It’s Not So Much Of A Secret, Come To Think

May 19, 2020

“Do you know where Miss Eat-n-arf is?” my son asked earlier today, thus revealing to me the secret identity of Social Distancing Dog.

An Off Switch Would Be Nice

May 8, 2020

On a lighter note, Social Distancing Dog continues to be diligent in her patrols of our home’s perimeter, and while I admire her sense of duty, our “strange puppy from another kennel” needs better control over her “sonic alert” power.

Thanks For Saving Me Some Time Today, Son

May 5, 2020

The basic idea of Isa (our dog) is easy.  You just need fur and a stomach.

– Today’s drive-by observation from my son, L. (age 9)

A Canine Ahead Of Her Time

April 30, 2020

Yesterday I decided that our dog, Isa, isn’t an otherwise mild-mannered pup with the annoying habit of barking whenever someone is within six feet (or farther) of our front door.  She is, in fact . . . SOCIAL DISTANCING DOG!

I Then Apologized To The Dog

April 1, 2020

This morning I awoke to find an “unexpected present” from the dog outside the bedroom door.

“Bad dog!” I scolded her, prompting L and his Mother to scurry over.

“No, no!” they protested.  “It’s not real! It’s just a prank!”

“Really?” I sighed.  “You two knew I didn’t sleep well last night, and you still thought this was going to be funny!  There had better not be any other ‘surprises’ in store for me today, because as far as *I* am concerned, there is NO April Fools’ Day around me.”

I let my words (and the accompanying disappointment) sink in for a just moment before unleashing a flurry of tickles on my son.  “Gotcha!” I chuckled.  “April Fools!”