I’m Trying To Look Like An Angel As I Type This

January 13, 2022

Yesterday I was reminded of one of my favorite “inspiring a Google search to get the reference” jokes, and I wanted to record it here:

Back in the day I considered studying ancient Egyptian plumbing in college, but I decided the world didn’t need any more “Pharaoh Faucet Majors.”

Because Stories About Failing Aren’t Nearly As Popular

January 12, 2022

Arguably the worst misconception fiction gives us is the misconception that “taking the chance” is the same thing as succeeding.

My Week In A Nutshell So Far

January 11, 2022

Yesterday I got extremely impatient with the “Impatience” tag I used yesterday because I originally entered it as “impatience,” and the system kept insisting on replacing my attempts at correction with my original entry.

But at least I was aware of the irony.

Because I Quote This A Lot And Was Genuinely Surprised That I’d Never Recorded It Here

January 10, 2022

You don’t know impatient until you’re a monkey waiting for a donut.

Curious George

Maybe It’s Off Picking Me Up Some Pie In The Sky

January 7, 2022

I know it’s a meme and all, but seriously . . .

Where is my flying car?

Or The Second, Or The Third . . .

January 6, 2022

“I give up!” my son proclaimed (loudly) while playing a game this morning.

“Forever?” I asked.

“No, just for now,” he answered.

“Good,” I chuckled, “because if I gave up ‘forever’ the first time your mother frustrated me, you wouldn’t be here.”

No, But It Can Look Like It

January 5, 2022

The question put to me: Have you ever ghosted someone?

My answer: I don’t think so, no, and certainly never intentionally!

The question rephrased: Have you ever stopped talking to someone because you realized you were always the one initiating the conversation, and you figured that if they wanted to talk to you again, they would?

Me: Ummmm, that’s not the same thing . . . is it?

Inspired By A Recent Purchase Of Mine

January 4, 2022

As much as I hate to say it, you probably are accident prone when your friends start unironically gifting you things like band-aids and non-slip sauna shoes.

Somebody Wake Me When It’s 2023

January 3, 2022

It’s one thing to not be ready for the start of a new day or even a new week, but it’s quite another thing to not be ready for the start of a new year.

Yet Another Tip You Won’t Read In A Book About Parenting

December 31, 2021

Nothing brings a parent and child closer faster than embarking on a mutual conspiracy against the other parent.