An Excerpt From Some Play With My Son

April 10, 2019

Mysterious Voice (My son):  Once again we need your help on an adventure.

Our “Not So Brave” Hero (Me):  Can’t you get somebody else to do it?

Mysterious Voice:  We wanted Superman, but he’s on another continent.

Our “Not So Brave” Hero:  I can wait.

Mysterious Voice:  No!

Our “Not So Brave” Hero:  Fiiiiiiiiine.

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So I Think He Got It

April 9, 2019

Recently I used the phrase “chewing the scenery” within earshot of my son, but I had my doubts that he’d fully understood what I meant until a few days later I heard him say that someone was “chewing the scenery like a rancor chewing on the fourth wall.”

He Was Grinning When He Asked That Though, So MAYBE He Was Kidding And Actually Got The Point This Time

April 8, 2019

“We’ll get started in about twenty minutes,” I told my son this morning.  “Nineteen minutes, to be precise.”

“I thought you were done with being ‘precise,'” he replied.  “It’s kind of annoying.”

“The day I can say ‘about twenty minutes’ and you accept that as an answer is the day I’ll stop being so ‘precise,'” I told him.

“But is that eighteen minutes . . . or twenty-two . . . or seventeen . . . or what?” my son then wanted to know.

And That’s What I Did

April 5, 2019

Me (while staring at a project in progress that took two hours of research and back and forth tweaking to make something work):  After all that, I wonder what the odds are that I’ve managed to at least save as much time on the next step as I spent on this one trying to make the next step easier?  Probably best not to dwell on it and just move on.

When NOT Making The Joke Leads To More Jokes

April 4, 2019

Lala:  I’m going to draw a bath.

Me:  *doesn’t take the joke bait, but it doesn’t make any difference*

Lala:  . . . with crayon!

L’s Mother:  You should use water colors instead!

Points For Timing (And I Actually Heard Most Of This)

April 3, 2019

To follow-up on yesterday, apparently right after I went back today for a quick nap, my son lost his pet rock.  (It was later recovered.) While he and Lala searched the house, he asked her if they should ask me if I knew where it was.

Checking the bedroom door and finding it locked (something I do when I want to make it clear I’m not to be casually disturbed), my son wanted to knock, but Lala said no.

“If he’s resting, we shouldn’t wake him with a loud knock,” she said.

*Cue the only delivery man in weeks to actually knock on our door loud enough to be heard to knock like the police are about to break down our door.*

“Yeah, like that one,” Lala sighed.

Well . . . No GOOD Jokes, I Mean

April 2, 2019

Recently my son was introduced to the concept of a “pet rock,” and is currently in class with his new “pet.”

I don’t really have a joke for this.  I just wanted this event recorded.

And That’s No Joke

April 1, 2019

Happy “Don’t Trust Anybody Or Anything” Day!

(So far I’ve been given an empty glass instead a glass of water, been told there was going to be construction outside our house all day today, and I sat on a squeaky toy.  This all happened before 9 A.M., so this may be a long day for me.)

Huh

March 29, 2019

One of my favorite gags in Mystery Men involved the idea of “chicken rentals.”  So much so that for a time I included “chicken rentals” on my business cards in the hopes that somebody would ask “Who would want to rent a chicken?“.

Today I learned that chicken rentals are an actual thing.  (Apparently a lot of people learned this today and the sites seem to be overloaded, so I’m not including a link here, but you can seriously search for “chicken rentals” yourself and see what I’m talking about.)

Yes It Is And Yes I Can

March 28, 2019

“Remember what I said about stepping on brown?” my son asked me the other day.

“Yes,” I replied.

“That’s harder now that the whole floor is brown.  Could you maybe make that a Candles & Curses entry?”