Posts Tagged ‘Absent Friends’

If She Needed To Learn That, I’m Glad It Was Him Who Taught Her

June 27, 2014

Today I’ve found myself thinking about Tim again. Specifically, I’ve found myself thinking about how much I owe him.

Even more specifically, I’ve found myself thinking about how much I owe him for teaching L’s mother the important lesson that she should not accidentally kick people in the knee . . .

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A Brief Silence

June 25, 2014

Silence, and a candle for all those people in your life you were once close to and now . . . for one reason or another, you’re not anymore.

Tim (Part Five)

November 22, 2013

The problem was that Tim put L’s mother on a pedestal, idealized everything about her, and in his eyes she could do no wrong.

Yeah, yeah, I know.  At least some people out there right now are thinking, “That doesn’t sound like a problem to me at all,” and I’m sure it’d be fun for a little while, but what about for a lifetime?  That’s not a partnership, a relationship of equals . . . that’s a worshipper and an altar.

Still not convinced that could be a problem?  Alright, if the idea of someone endlessly agreeing with you no matter what doesn’t horrify you like it does me, consider this:

Tim was the one who broke it off with L’s mother because he felt not just that he was “unworthy” of her, but that he would never be “worthy” of her.

Starting to see the problem yet?

But even though it would never have been good for either one of them long-term, I still wish the two of them had gotten more time together before things happened the way they did . . . but if I’m going to start wishing, I might as well end this entry on a really big wish.  I wish Tim was still around so he could be “Uncle Tim” to my son.

This candle’s for you, buddy.

Tim (Part Four)

November 21, 2013

Yep . . . you got it in one.  He’d died.  He was doing well, recovering from his bone marrow transplant, and then, well . . . the odds suddenly started beating back, sudden enough that Tim didn’t have time to write down or otherwise pass on our contact information to his mother.  Our gift, complete with our return address, arrived over a full month after the funeral, and to this day I don’t envy Tim’s mother having to sit down and write the letter to us that she did.  In short, she told us the bare bone details I included above, unnecessarily assured us Tim would have loved the shirt, then asked if we’d like her to return it to us.

Naturally, we told her no.

And there you have it.   Not the ending I wanted for this story, but the Valkyrie don’t care if you won or lost the battle, only how well you fought it, and Tim fought like the champion he was all the way to the end.  How could I not respect a guy like that?

So why did I say he was wrong for L’s mother then?

Well . . .

Tim (Part Three)

November 20, 2013

Of course, actually meeting Tim was in no way a “Mongo” experience, and soon we were all laughing over dinner.  It was so good, in fact, that when our visit was over, we parted company with an unspoken “we should do this again sometime.”  Unspoken because we all knew the odds against Tim were grim, but not without hope, and like I told L’s mother on the drive home, “If anyone can beat the odds, it’s Tim.”

We didn’t hear from Tim often after that, but we knew we wouldn’t, so we weren’t really concerned.  We knew that Tim’s dignity precluded him from burdening others with his “day-to-day” problems, and that he liked to give news after the fact, like when he beat his alcoholism.  (Something he told to L’s mother without her ever knowing before that point that he’d started drinking to excess.  His girlfriend at the time got pregnant, you see, and she “took care of things” via an abortion without even telling Tim she was pregnant first.  He took that . . . hard, and drank for a time after that.)

So when a few months later we came across a shirt that was simply perfect for Tim (featuring a wrestling Taz), we just bought it and mailed it to him without hesitation because we thought it would bring a smile to his face.

And I’m sure it would have.

Tim (Part Two)

November 19, 2013

Truth be told, I got that last story wrong, but I included it in the list because it was one of the thoughts that I was thinking at the time.  In truth, Tim did not nearly put a guy’s head through a car window for harassing L’s mother, but for harassing someone who was “only” a friend to Tim, so perhaps it’s better than I got it wrong at the time.

Even so, as I tried to prepare myself to meet Tim, I found myself wondering just how I was supposed to prepare myself to meet Tim.

While this wasn’t my exact thought process, my overall feelings on the matter at that point in time can best be summed up by a brief quote from the movie Blazing Saddles:

Bart:  I better go check out this Mongo character.  [Bart reaches for his gun]

Jim:  Oh no, don’t do that, don’t do that.  If you shoot him, you’ll just make him mad.

Tim (Part One)

November 18, 2013

Until last week I never really considered mentioning Tim here at all because I felt it wasn’t really my place, that he was primarily part of someone else’s story, not mine.  A little reflection on my part was all it took for me to realize just how silly that idea was.

So let me tell you how I met Tim.

Tim was L’s mother’s ex, and she was, without a doubt, the love of his life.  I’d heard stories from her about Tim off and on over the years, but they were only just that to me, stories.  They didn’t really become real for me until the day we found out Tim had leukemia and it wasn’t looking good, and L’s mother asked if we could go visit him.  There’s just no way you can say no to that question and feel good about yourself, let me tell you, and I wouldn’t have tried even if I’d been so inclined, which I wasn’t.  But after everything was arranged, some of those stories started to come back to me.

Tim is an obsessive body builder . . .

Tim took a symbol I once drew to represent me and had it tattooed on himself as a strength totem . . .

This one time Tim nearly put some guy’s head through a car window for harassing me . . .

And all those stories flashed through my mind at once when L’s mother told me, “It’s all set, and Tim is really looking forward to finally meeting you!”

As I recall, my reaction upon hearing her say that was “Greeeeeaaaaaat,” and wondering if I had just agreed to a huge mistake.

A Brief (Delayed) Silence

June 26, 2013

(I meant to do this yesterday, but other things occupied my attention.)

Silence, and a candle for all those people in your life you were once close to and now .  . . for one reason or another, you’re not anymore.

To A Girl Who Just Keeps Getting Hotter Every Year

May 20, 2013

Cheer up.

For every person bemoaning the fact that there were so many candles on their birthday cake that they set their hair on fire when they tried to blow them out, there are at least two people bemoaning that they don’t even have hair to risk anymore, and easily twice that many bemoaning the fact that they no longer have the breath to blow out their own candles anymore, and even more than that are incapable of bemoaning anything at all anymore.

So it could be worse . . . a lot worse.

This candle’s for . . .

Um . . . on second thought, you’ve probably had your fill of candles for one year.

In the words of Red Green, “Remember, I’m pulling for ya. We’re all in this together!”

A Brief Silence

June 25, 2012

Silence, and a candle for all those people in your life you were once close to and now .  . . for one reason or another, you’re not anymore.