Me: *setting up the cleaning drone while the dog looks on suspiciously* Relax, Isa. I’m just having it do a little spot cleaning, not Spot cleaning, so it’s not going to chase you.
L’s Mother: *starts laughing uncontrollably*
Me: Your day’s been that hard, huh?
(Like I’ve said before, I just make the jokes, I don’t laugh at them.)
Today I don’t know what to write. I’m not feeling like being funny today, nor am I feeling morose enough that I feel I have to be funny. With that said, I’m going to tell a joke anyway because now I can do it without feeling disingenuous. It’s not a good joke, but it’s one I wanted to record here because it’s bad and I’m proud of it.
The other day L. and his Mother were talking about the word “wherewithal,” but off the top of their heads, neither could come up with a concise definition. When this was brought to my attention I said, “It’s like a regular withal except on a night with a full moon.”
Recently the winner of the 40th Annual Hemingway Look-Alike Contest In Key West was determined.
I’m told the resemblance was mind-blowing.
The other day our dog wouldn’t stop barking because we’d gotten a delivery, so I told her, “Isa, stop barking at the delivery! I know it’s here, I’m getting it now, so you can stop telling me it’s here.”
When I opened the door, I saw the package was for L’s Mother from a place called “Katz,” and I didn’t even try to resist. I turned back to the dog (who was still barking), and told her, “Isa, stop barking at Katz!”
The following is an excerpt from a play my son and I were having the other day:
The Narrator (a.k.a., my son): You find yourself in one of “those” houses.
The Not-So-Brave Hero (a.k.a., me): (Thinking we must be thinking of different houses, but deciding to go with the joke anyway.) Really? But I don’t have any money!
The Narrator: (Ignoring me) You find yourself in the house of a grumpy cat.
The Not-So-Brave Hero: A grumpy cat house, you say? It’s grumpy because I don’t have any money, isn’t it?
Candles & Curses 