Before I forget, a quick Christmas memory that made me happy:
At one point L’s Mother was talking about how she wanted everyone in the house to have a good holiday even if she had to use “the power of her mind” to make that happen.
Having literally waited years for this particular opening, I turned with a smirk and asked her if that meant she was wishing us a “Jolly Svengali Christmas.”
There is such a thing as too much glitter on your wrapping paper, and if the person who opens the present afterwards finds themselves looking like they just came off a wild night in Vegas with Tinkerbell, there was definitely too much glitter!
I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but I’m obviously only having “limited success,” so let’s see if I can find something good to write about.
Let’s see . . . it’s a pretty day, and that huge mosquito is on the other side of my window, so that’s pretty good.
“Mom, when do we have to take the Christmas tree down?” my son asked the other day.
“We can keep it up as long as you like,” his mother answered.
“But when are we supposed to take it down?” he wanted to know.
Smiling, his mother replied, “If we follow tradition, February.”
February? I thought. What tradition is she following?
My question must have been visible on my face, because she continued with, “Because by February it’s so close to Valentine’s Day that you’re out of excuses for not having taken your tree down earlier.”
Mom: Merry Christmas! Did you like the fudge I sent you?
Me: Um . . . you mean the meat and cheese tray you sent?
Mom: It was supposed to be fudge!
Me: Was it meat and cheese flavored?
Well . . . it’s sunny and 79 degrees Fahrenheit outside my window right now, but I see people have strung lights in their palm trees.
Must be Christmas time again . . .
The holidays frequently give me time for my mind to drift to . . . less than cheerful places, and this holiday is no exception.
But you know what? I don’t care. Right now my son is “excavating” fossils from a science kit he got as a present, and that is far more important to me.
Merry Christmas, one and all.
“When we get home, I’m going to find some flaws,” I hear my mother say on the way back from Christmas lunch.
“Really, Mom?” I asked in exasperation. “Do we have to do this every year? What is it this time? My hair? My clothes? My lifestyle in general? What do you want from me?”
“The floss, Robert, the floss,” she answered. “I have something caught in my teeth.”
“Oh,” I said softly. “It’s in the bathroom. On a completely unrelated note, have I mentioned how much we enjoy your Christmas visits?”
Mom is visiting us this season, but given the chaos/space shortage in the house at the moment, she’s staying in a hotel.
When checking in to said hotel, the desk clerk gave her a big smile and said, “So I see that you’re staying with us for the holidays!”
“No,” my mother corrected. “I’m staying with my family, I’m just sleeping with you.”
(And since I don’t have anything right now to top that, Merry Christmas, all!)
The Christmas season is fast approaching, so why not get your child a creepy doll that you move around the house while your child sleeps, and then tell them it’s watching their every move? (1)
Order your very own “Stalker on the Rocker” today! (2)
*****
(1) I can think of lots of reasons!
(2) Yes, yes, I know I’m supposed to find this cute. Lots of other people certainly do, and I truly mean no disrespect to anyone who does, particularly the creators and/or their lawyers, but I can only assume that those people and I have watched radically different movies in our time.
