To Be Fair, He DID Say The Gift Was “Time And Togetherness”

To honor parents everywhere this Christmas, I wanted to share the story of a father (not me) whose son (also not me) wanted to give him the gift of time and togetherness, so the son made his father a coupon good for one lunch with him . . . that the father was expected to pay for.

Mom And Computers Don’t Get Along

Because L. has said that it just doesn’t feel like a festive Christmas with no Christmas guests, we’re going to try getting my mother online so she can be with us virtually while we decorate the tree.

Pray for us.

But It’s REALLY Funny To Me

Before I forget, a quick Christmas memory that made me happy:

At one point L’s Mother was talking about how she wanted everyone in the house to have a good holiday even if she had to use “the power of her mind” to make that happen.

Having literally waited years for this particular opening, I turned with a smirk and asked her if that meant she was wishing us a “Jolly Svengali Christmas.”

Maybe I’m the only one who finds that funny.

A Christmas PSA

There is such a thing as too much glitter on your wrapping paper, and if the person who opens the present afterwards finds themselves looking like they just came off a wild night in Vegas with Tinkerbell, there was definitely too much glitter!

Sounds Like A South Florida Christmas To Me

I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but I’m obviously only having “limited success,” so let’s see if I can find something good to write about.

Let’s see . . . it’s a pretty day, and that huge mosquito is on the other side of my window, so that’s pretty good.

Oh, THAT Tradition!

“Mom, when do we have to take the Christmas tree down?” my son asked the other day.

“We can keep it up as long as you like,” his mother answered.

“But when are we supposed to take it down?” he wanted to know.

Smiling, his mother replied, “If we follow tradition, February.”

February? I thought.  What tradition is she following?

My question must have been visible on my face, because she continued with, “Because by February it’s so close to Valentine’s Day that you’re out of excuses for not having taken your tree down earlier.”

A Christmas Paraphrase (Alternate Title: Free Food Is Free Food)

Mom:  Merry Christmas!  Did you like the fudge I sent you?

Me:  Um . . . you mean the meat and cheese tray you sent?

Mom:  It was supposed to be fudge!

Me:  Was it meat and cheese flavored?

Seriously, Without The Lights I Wouldn’t Be Able To Tell Otherwise

Well . . . it’s sunny and 79 degrees Fahrenheit outside my window right now, but I see people have strung lights in their palm trees.

Must be Christmas time again . . .

Priorities

The holidays frequently give me time for my mind to drift to . . . less than cheerful places, and this holiday is no exception.

But you know what?  I don’t care.  Right now my son is “excavating” fossils from a science kit he got as a present, and that is far more important to me.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

A HEAVILY Exaggerated Christmas Tale

“When we get home, I’m going to find some flaws,” I hear my mother say on the way back from Christmas lunch.

“Really, Mom?” I asked in exasperation.  “Do we have to do this every year?  What is it this time?  My hair?  My clothes?  My lifestyle in general?  What do you want from me?”

“The floss, Robert, the floss,” she answered.  “I have something caught in my teeth.”

“Oh,” I said softly.  “It’s in the bathroom.  On a completely unrelated note, have I mentioned how much we enjoy your Christmas visits?”