Suggested “flirty” text that I read about the other day: So I had this dream about you last night . . .
Expected response: Go on . . .
My actual response if I’d received such a text: Go on . . .
(So far so good.)
Suggested follow-up: I’ll tell you about it later.
Expected response: *Proceeds to spend the rest of the day anticipating the later conversation*
My actual response: Why did you bother texting me then?
I hate how it plays to certain tropes, but it’s no secret that L’s Mother is a big fan of alternative foods, and I am . . . not. She’s been right just often enough about the foods that she’s had me try that I don’t wince at the idea (any more), so these days I frequently just go all in on what I’m trying.
With that said, today I tried some hemp-based creamer, promptly gave a Kool-Aid Man worthy “Oh no!”, and went to inform L’s Mother that I would not be using that creamer again.
“Could you taste the hemp?” she asked.
“I could taste the rope,” I told her.
You know what’s worse than planning to use a joke to describe how you’re feeling today, then realizing you’ve already made that joke?
Realizing that when you made that joke before, you screwed it up.
Candles & Curses 