When NOT Making The Joke Leads To More Jokes

Lala:  I’m going to draw a bath.

Me:  *doesn’t take the joke bait, but it doesn’t make any difference*

Lala:  . . . with crayon!

L’s Mother:  You should use water colors instead!

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“Yes, That Was Exactly It”

“Who bought the ‘Would-Kill-Me-If-I-Ate-It pie?'” L’s Mother asked me yesterday.

“Lala,” I answered.  “She knew I was feeling down and thought it might help.”

L’s Mother considered that for a moment.  “And she blamed me for your mood, is that it?” she asked with a smirk.

It Wasn’t, But She DID Kind Of Look Like Her

I suspect most people have “that friend.”  You know, the one that when you read a headline saying “Naked Hairy Man With A Katana Charges Police Line,” your first thought is Please don’t be him!  Please don’t be him!

The other day I read a headline saying “Grandmother Drifts Out To Sea On An Ice Floe During A Photo Op,” and my honest first thought was Please don’t be my mother!  Please don’t be my mother!

I’m Pretty Sure I Know What She Meant, But I’m Going To Watch The Movie With Her Anyway Just To Be On The Safe Side

“Watching Coco is my new Halloween tradition,” L’s Mother announced the other day.  “I’m going to watch it every Halloween even if I have to watch it with my dead family.”

Now Where Was I?

“That was . . . random,” my son informed me after reading my post from yesterday.

“Not really,” I said out loud.  “I did say right up front that I was giving some background information so what I was going to say next would make sense.”  Random, I mentally added, was you and your mother deciding to name the house Astra.

Suffice It To Say That’s Its Name

For what I’m going to be talking about for at least some of this week to make any sense, you first have to understand that our house is named Astra.

Well . . . maybe “understand” is too strong a word here.

That . . . Would Do It, Yeah

I correspond with a number of people around the world (it’s one of my favorite parts of the information age), and recently one of my correspondents was bemoaning an upcoming two-week family visit.

“It’s like spending two weeks in a prison!” they told me.

“I know that feeling,” I replied, “but surely it’s not that bad.  Where are you going again?”

“Siberia,” they answered.  “In February!”

To Be Fair, It WAS Frozen Fresh

Last night my son wanted all of us to go outside and moon gaze together, and it was more than a little cold.  I went outside with them anyway, of course, but since I’m still not quite at 100% again yet, I was suffering.

My son, on the other hand, was having a grand time.  “Isn’t it great to be out in the fresh air?” he asked.

“Maybe for you,” I replied through chattering teeth.  “But the only air I’m getting is frozen.”

A Paraphrased Text Exchange With My Mom

Me:  (Updating her how I feel.)  Well, my order of tea, orange juice, soup, ice cream and cold medicine arrived, so I’m good for now.

Mom:  (Having her own issues at the moment.)  So we’re both just livin’ the dream today.

Me:  Absolutely!  When are we going to wake up, do you think?

My Mother On Gender Neutral Bathrooms

Mom:  I don’t know what the big deal is.  At some point in our lives every one of us has used the men’s bathroom when the line to the lady’s was too long.

Me:  I know I have.