Posts Tagged ‘Family’

A Cold Retort

January 18, 2018

What follows is an actual text exchange between me and my mom:

Mom:  “Bet you wish you, too, could be somewhere it’s 16 degrees that feels like 5.”

Me:  “It would interfere with my tea on the porch.”

Mom:  “Ouch.”

Me:  “I’m too sick to play softball today.”


The Trip (Part Five)

December 8, 2017

Regardless, my absolute favorite moment of the trip was the following exchange I had with my son:

L:  I want to go! When is mom going to be done talking with those people?

Me:  How long have you known your mother now?

L:  (slightly perplexed)  Seven years?

Me:  And when have you ever seen your mom cut a conversation short?

L:  (without missing a beat)  April 27th, 2011.

Me:  I am so writing this down!

The Trip (Part Four)

December 7, 2017

Even so, actually being on my best behavior was difficult at times for reasons both understandable (“You’re telling me now that you’re expecting me to learn choreographed dance moves before the event tomorrow.  I am not–  Huh?  Oh, you just want me to join L’s mother on the dance floor after the choreographed event!  Yeah, I can do that.”(1)) and perplexing (“So you feel you’re qualified to teach my seven-year-old son how to shake hands like ‘a man’ after you, a physically mature adult, felt the need to use a pointlessly crushing grip on a child, do you . . .?”(2)), but overall I think I did okay.

Nobody said anything about not inviting me back for the 100th, at least.


(1) A blatantly paraphrased summation of a simple and brief misunderstanding.

(2) L’s Mother was in the process of handling that one because I walked up on said event already in progress.  This, by the way, was the final catalyst for me pulling her aside and telling her we needed to go soon before I said something that I would have found hilarious, but would have justifiably been considered fighting words.

The Trip (Part Three)

December 6, 2017

Now I flat-out said last week that I was dealing with more people than I normally do and catching up with old friends, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that I was at a family event.  Since I don’t do those very often, I was on my best behavior.

Well . . . I did my best to be on my best behavior, at least.  Like I said a couple of times, I was there for a 50th anniversary, and if anyone felt that my behavior was lacking, they could just rescind my invitation for the 100th.

That sounded fair to me.

The Trip (Part One)

December 4, 2017

Let me start off by saying that I used to enjoy flying, but those days are gone and may or may not ever come back around again.  I appreciate the efforts to make air travel safer, but they add a level of hassle (sometimes involving being literally hassled) that encourages me to avoid airports whenever I have a reasonable alternative (including just staying home).  With that said, on my recent trip it was nice to see that efforts are also being made to make flying comfortable again.  Enjoyable for me it was not, but less painful is at least a step in the right direction, particularly when we’re talking about flying cross-country late at night with a child in tow.

I’m just going to acknowledge that there were difficulties in doing that and gloss over that part, but if you want a window in my mindset after a few hours, I point you to the following text sent out around that time:

Superpower of time acceleration so far failing to manifest.  At least L. finally fell asleep.

What Went Right (Part Four)

November 16, 2017

Staff member:  Happy Birthday!

L:  Thank you!

(This happened too many times to detail individually.)


(And finally, the incident that was the most amusing.)

Me:  Okay, I’m heading back to the room.

L’s Mother:  Sounds good.  L. and I are going to stay a little longer.  (aside to me)  But only so long as he’s still having fun and not griping, so we probably won’t be that long.

– eight or so hours later –

L’s Mother:  What just happened?

What Went Right (Part Three)

November 15, 2017

Me: (hesitantly)  Are you sure you want to ride Expedition Everest?

L:  Uh-huh!

Me:  Well . . . you’re tall enough, if only just, so okaaay . . .

-one ride later-

Me:  So what did you think of your first real roller coaster ride?

L:  I liked it!  I’m not sure I would have gone if  I’d realized it was a real roller coaster, but I liked it!


Me:  (thinking to myself)  I wonder if that’s on purpose?  *Thought while contemplating the fact that two painfully cute girls were working the “single rider” entrance to Expedition Everest*

Girl #1:  Single rider line, no waiting!

Girl #2:  That’s right, no waiting, so step over here if you’re single . .

Both in chorus:  Riders!

Me:  Yeah, that’s on purpose.

What Went Right (Part Two)

November 14, 2017

Host from the Haunted Mansion (deadpan, using a spooky voice):  Leave while you still can.

L’s Mother:  Hi!  I found these sunglasses in the car.  Somebody must have dropped them.

Host from the Haunted Mansion (now in the cheeriest voice possible and smiling like she just found a golden puppy holding a basket of chocolate):  Thank you so much!


L:  There’s nothing here that I want to eat.

Me:  Suit yourself.  I, for one, am planning to have to have one of those humungous soft serve cones over there, and I was hoping you’d have one with me, but if you don’t want one . . . 

L:  Wait . . . are you serious?

Me:  I never joke about ice cream.

What Went Right (Part One)

November 13, 2017

So picking up from last week, I’d said that the good moments outnumbered the bad on our second attempt to take our son to Disney.  Here are some of those moments (not all of these will be related to my son, by the way):


Me: (checking the receipt)  Yeah . . . they got the order wrong, but at least we didn’t get charged for what we didn’t get.  Oh, well.

Server:  What’s missing? *Promptly vanishes, only to reappear again in approximately one minute*  Here you go!

Me:  What just happened?


Me:  (to my son after disembarking from the Star Tours ride)  You were the rebel spy and you didn’t tell me?!  Young man that is really the sort of thing I expect you tell me about, you know, so no more working for the rebellion without telling me first!

Him:  *Says nothing, is possibly rolling his eyes, but is definitely smiling*

Me:  (to my son after disembarking from the Star Tours ride again since it was late and the line was practically non-existent and, sure enough, once again he was picked as the spy)  What did I just say?!

What Went Wrong (Part One)

November 8, 2017

With that out of the way, I’m going to get serious for a bit.

“Was it really that bad?” isn’t just a rhetorical question in this case, it’s a question I’m still asking myself.  The honest answer to that is “No . . . and yes, in that order.”  (That’s been a theme in my life lately.)

There were good moments, there really were, and I’d say they outnumbered the bad, but we’re talking around a 60-40 split overall.  While that might be a typical or even a good percentage from what I observed, it just doesn’t feel like a victory of fun to me.

To borrow a phrase, “mistakes were made,” and one of those mistakes was that a schedule that appeared easy and fun in theory turned out to be brutal in practice. I even suspected this would be the case, but didn’t say anything at the time because I didn’t want to be the downer dad, and that was the biggest mistake made both in general and by me personally.  Just about every bad experience that followed (except for a truly abysmal guide on the Jungle Cruise; bad jokes can be good, but not bad delivery) stemmed from that one mistake.

That . . . and one other . . .