Posts Tagged ‘Family’

My Mother On Gender Neutral Bathrooms

January 14, 2019

Mom:  I don’t know what the big deal is.  At some point in our lives every one of us has used the men’s bathroom when the line to the lady’s was too long.

Me:  I know I have.

Advertisements

Not When You Say It Out Loud, No

January 4, 2019

Last night we were playing Yahtzee and L’s Mother had one more roll of the die to complete her Yahtzee attempt, so she was talking to the die.(1)

“If you come through as a two, I will totally do the Yahtzee thing(2), I swear!” she told it.  “Come on, it’ll be funny!”  Evidently though, the die thought of something funnier, because she rolled a five.

Not to be outdone, however, L’s Mother promptly thrust her fist into the air and cried “Not-zee!”.

Around horrified laughter (hers and ours) she finally managed to gasp “That’s! Not! Right!”

*****

(1)  It’s something a lot of Yahtzee players do, so it’s only moderately weird.

(2) Meaning, for those who don’t know, a triumphant fist being raised into the air accompanied by a cry of “Yahtzee!”.

I May Never Be Comfortable With That

December 26, 2018

Logically I know that Lala loves pizza crusts almost as much as I despise them, so I’m more than happy to hand them over to her after I finish off a slice of pizza, but every time it still feels like I’m saying, “Good news, girl!  There is food leftover, so today you may eat!”

A Christmas Paraphrase (Alternate Title: Free Food Is Free Food)

December 25, 2018

Mom:  Merry Christmas!  Did you like the fudge I sent you?

Me:  Um . . . you mean the meat and cheese tray you sent?

Mom:  It was supposed to be fudge!

Me:  Was it meat and cheese flavored?

Overheard While L. And Lala Were Playing Chess

December 24, 2018

Lala: (after L. had taken her pawn)  Bye, pawn!

L:  You know what they say, “let ‘bye pawns’ be ‘bye pawns‘”.

Lala Thought This Was Hilarious

December 20, 2018

While at Disney World, Lala and L’s Mother meet a few princesses, one of them being Ariel.  Ariel took one look at Lala and said, “I thought *I* had long hair; you couldn’t get a dinglehopper through that . . . you’d have to use my father’s trident!”

You Have To Think Of These Things When You’re Planning How To Use Space

December 19, 2018

We’re finally getting the chance around here to put our (literal) house back in order in the wake of the three months of construction work, so today Lala asked me if she could make recovering the hall closet her day’s project.

“That depends,” I answered.  “What do you intend to do with it?”

“Turn it back into a linen closet,” she replied.

“Perfect,” I said.  “I just didn’t want to tell you to go ahead and find out after the fact that you were using it to store . . . I don’t know . . .”

“Bodies!” she suggested.

“Yes, exactly!  That closet would be terrible for storing bodies in!”

“I thought it would be perfect,” she said with a facetious pout.

“Well you’re wrong then,” I told her.  “It’s too narrow for a start, and you’d have to chop the bodies up to fit them on the shelves and that would be a huge mess!”

She Then Looked At Me And Said “But You Can Use THAT If You Like.”

December 5, 2018

“Maybe you can use what she just said, Dad,” my son announced, prompting a puzzled look from his mother.

“He really wants me to write about you for Candles and Curses today,” I explained, “so he’s waiting for you to say something funny.”

“Sorry, son,” she replied, “but I can only be funny when I’m trying to be serious.”

How Bad Was Yesterday For Me? This Bad:

September 20, 2018

I have alerted my household that if anyone needs my help with something they can’t do for themselves, I will help them as part of the process of teaching them how to do it for themselves.  In all other matters though . . .

Until further notice, I’m on strike, so even if you won’t excuse me, I’m off to play games, watch videos, and otherwise do absolutely nothing that I don’t want to do.

But It Made Me Smile On A Day I TRULY Needed A Smile

September 18, 2018

(Another paraphrased encounter with L’s Mother.)

“Since you said you were going to wait until your foot was better to move the trampoline, I was going to move it for you,” she told me this morning.  “Then I realized if I could move it, you could move it, and you probably meant you were waiting to move it until you could use it again.”

She was right too.