In Hindsight, It’s A Good Thing She Liked People

It’s been an odd week, so it seems appropriate that I round it out with an odd memory.  I’ve mentioned before that my grandmother had many fears, storms being the biggest one I knew of, but she was none too fond of snakes either.  In practical terms this meant three things:

#1.  Living in rural Arkansas as she did, she was living in the wrong place.

#2.  Going anywhere except from the house to the car guaranteed that she would yell at you at least once to ensure that you were wearing boots.  (And that they had been sprayed down with “chigger spray,” but that was just sensible if you wanted to be able to sleep relatively itch free that night.)

#3.  She was in many, many ways a timid woman, but if she saw a snake in the garden, she would display her latent ninja skills and dispatch it with a hoe faster than lightning.  Unlike lightning though, the only sound she would make would be if, and only if, it was necessary to tell you to stand still for a moment.

My Mother Would Have Found That Hilarious

Yesterday a storm rolled in with surprising speed, and I found myself thinking of my grandmother and how she absolutely loathed such storms.

That’s why when I alerted Lala (who was taking a bath at the time) about the storm, I found myself saying, “Lala Lou!  There’s a storm comin’ in!”

Sometimes Virtue Really Is Its Own Reward

Me:  (thinking)  That looks like some kind of delicious cinnamon cereal!  (out loud while resisting the urge to steal a piece from the bowl while Lala isn’t looking)  “What is that?”

Lala:  “Pork rinds.”

Me:  (blanching)  “I’m really glad I didn’t steal some then!”

I Was Deeply Offended (Because Her Joke Was Better Than Mine)

Lala got me some beard conditioner for Father’s Day because there have been one too many “Ouch!  Pokey!” complaints from the household of late, and I wanted to give some conditioner a shot.  When she gave it to me I found myself looking mildly askance at the brand name, “Naked Prince.”

“I prefer princesses, given a choice . . .” I started to say, but Lala both cut me off and topped my intended joke.

“Especially for rubbing on your face,” she concluded for me as innocently as it’s possible to say something like that innocently.

He Still Owes Me Another Game

Today was one of those days when I just didn’t feel right when I woke up, and I only felt worse as the day wore on.  The highpoint of my day was losing (and I mean profoundly losing) a game of Yahtzee to my son.

That was a pretty good highpoint though.

Shared In Honor Of Lala’s Return From Camping In The Woods

There once was a chigger,

Who wasn’t any bigger,

Than the point of a very small pin.

But the lump that he raises,

Itches like the blazes,

And that’s where the rub comes in, comes in,

That’s where the rub comes in!

– A bit of old verse taught to me by my mother

Fun Stuff (Part Four)

This last one I feel a little bad about (but only a little).

The first time L’s Mother and I went to Disney World, we ate at a particular place that we’d always said we wanted to go back to someday.  So . . . someday finally came around on this last trip, and after our food had arrived, the server (knowing we hadn’t eaten there in years, and had made a special trip to do so this time) asked how everything was.

“Well,” I sighed, “I’m going to have to be ‘that guy,’ I’m afraid, because, honestly, the food isn’t as good as I remember.”

The server looked absolutely crushed at this (which is why I feel a little bad), so I followed up with my planned joke as quickly as possible.

“It’s better,” I chuckled.

(For the record, I was forgiven by the server for this.)

Fun Stuff (Part Three)

This next one was more fun for other people than for me, but a deal’s a deal.  Since it turned out we were going to be at the parks on my actual birthday, I agreed to wear the “I’m celebrating” button and a set of ears if they could come up with something that I could make work with my hat.  So after a bit of surgery on a Minnie Mouse Ear Headband to remove the bow, we had something workable, and out “Disney bedecked” I went.  I even wore a Disney shirt.

(It said “I Tried To Be Happy, But I Got Bored” and had a picture of Grumpy on it, but I wore it.  Even at the “happiest place on Earth” I’ve still gotta be me because that makes me happy.)

Fun Stuff (Part Two)

Another fun moment was when L’s Mother screamed at the appropriate moment when the lights go out in the Haunted Mansion.  I wasn’t there for this particular moment, but I was there when she did this once before years ago.  That time she got a round of applause from all the other guests, and if she hasn’t warned me what she was about to do, they probably would have had to peel me off the ceiling since I was the one standing right next to her.  I’m told reactions were similar this time.

Sometimes I wonder if she missed her calling as a scream queen.

Fun Stuff (Part One)

Last week I said that this week I’d probably talk about the fun times we had on our vacation, and that’s still the plan, but I’ve run into a snag.  As I sit down to write this now, I realize a lot of the fun times just don’t translate well into stories because they’re essentially minor variations on the “rode a favorite ride again/saw a favorite character again and a good time was had by all.” theme.  Fun stuff, but not exactly gripping literature.

One thing that does stand out to me right now is L. and me designing our own car at the Test Track to make the most powerful race car with a hybrid engine ever designed.  That was cool.  (Still not gripping literature, but it’s a good place to start.)