I Was

I was looking for directions on the box on how to prepare this, and the first thing I saw was “keep frozen” and I thought to myself, “That doesn’t sound tasty at all!”

– L’s Mother’s latest attempt to see if I was really listening to her

Her Response: “Well . . . YEAH!”

It turns out that a while back someone asked my wife and one of her coworkers what the secret of a successful marriage was.  The coworker stressed the importance of harmony and that the wife should tend to all the husband’s needs, wants, and comforts.

It was at this point in the story that I interrupted my wife’s telling to laugh and observe that “Clearly your philosophy is different!”

Presuming You’re Not A Busybody With Your Acquaintances, Of Course

Given the option, I prefer to be perfectly on point with just the “right” levels of protectiveness and curiosity.  When that’s not an option (and it frequently isn’t), I’ve decided I’d rather be slightly (emphasis on slightly) overprotective and overcurious than the alternatives.  The tricky part is determining where the lines are, but there are some handy rules of thumb.

For instance, I figure that if you would ask the same question if a casual acquaintance told you their late night ended around eight in the morning that you would if a family member told you the same thing, you’re probably doing okay.

My Morning Conversation (Take Two Thanks To A 404 Error)

L’s Mother:  We should do something fun tonight!

Me:  Okay.  Sounds good to me.

L’s Mother:  Because it’s 7/17/17!

Me:  Of course.

L’s Mother:  I know it’s a made-up holiday, but it’s special to me.

Me:  I know.

L’s Mother:  Oh, and we should be sure to eat at 7:17!

Me:  Too far.

Oh. Oh! Then Yes I DID See You, But . . . Um . . . Yeah, I Saw You

So I’m out driving today, and while stopped at a stop light I noticed somebody’s arm flailing out the driver’s side window from a car ahead of me.  It takes me a moment, because all I can really see is the arm, but I eventually decide the gesture is intended to be a wave.

Why is that idiot waving? I thought to myself.  It’s not like anybody can tell why they’re waving, or even who they’re waving to!

When I got home I found Lala had arrived there just before I did, and the first thing she said to me was “Did you see me earlier?”

“No,” I answered.  (Yes, I know that you see where this is going, but at the time I had zero reason to expect what was about to happen next.)

“Really?” she asked, sounding disappointed.  “I waved and everything . . .”

I’ll Do That, Son

Yesterday I took an extra moment to properly time my necessary walking between my son and the television screen while my son was playing a game.

“Why do you try to be so careful about not blocking my view?” he asked me.

Chuckling, I answered, “Well . . . it’s because it used to seem like my mom was always blocking my view when I was really interested in something, and I remember how much I hated that, so whenever I can, I try not to do that to you.”

“Oh,” my son replied, then after a  thoughtful pause he asked, “Is Grandmama still coming to visit this week?”

“Yes,” I told him.

“Can you please remind her that it’s rude to block people’s views?”

That Still Counts, I Guess

“You are a goddess among mortals,” I told Lala yesterday as she handed me a much needed cup of cheer.

Preening, she responded with, “I’ve always known that, but it’s nice to have it acknowledged.”

I looked at her askance.  “A goddess of arrogance, it seems,” I sighed.

So I Definitely Need Another Term . . . AND A Vacation

You know how some people like to say that they need a vacation from their vacation?  Right now I feel almost exactly the same way, except that I object to calling it a “vacation.”

I’m not complaining, I’m really not.  If given the chance to do it all over, I do everything pretty much exactly the same, but so my family could have a mini-vacation, I ended up being on duty for essentially 96 hours straight.  (This time our stay was three nights, and I took point on my son all three nights because he asked me to do it.)

And That’s When I Knew Exactly How Bad She Was Feeling

“Are you gracing us with your presence today?” I asked L’s Mother this morning since it was well past the time that she normally leaves for work.

When she just sort of stared at me instead of answering, I began to suspect that my question was phrased incorrectly, so I tried again with “Will you be present today?”

This time she sort of half-chuckled and half-sighed before answering “I’m not leaving the house today if that’s what you mean.”

I Got It After The Fact, But I STILL Got It

Let the record show that I, of course, got Mom’s permission to tell yesterday’s story.