Posts Tagged ‘Fatherhood’

It WAS Part Of My Grandfather’s Job Description Though

October 7, 2021

As a father, part of my job is telling people it’s not too hot in here and that we absolutely do not need to turn the air down.

The other part of my job is going some place private to sweat.

(I am absolutely kidding.)

And Not For The First Time

June 30, 2020

Regarding yesterday’s post, I just wanted to clarify that while I’m in no way above setting up for a joke, I like to make it clear upfront when I’m doing so. What I posted yesterday actually happened the way I wrote it. I was feeling a tad maudlin and staring at what I had written knowing that the post needed something, when my son came in and provided it.

I Get Credit For That, Right?

June 29, 2020

Some days I wonder which is going to be harder, for my son to forgive me for the mistakes I make as a father, or for me to forgive myself.

Then, like just now (no joke), he interrupts me to ask if I can clean up the mess the dog made because he doesn’t want to touch it, and I do stop and clean it up because that is part of my current duties as a father.

I’m Still In That Mood

June 30, 2017

Let me say up front that I happen to like the show Sofia the First, and I’m glad my son watches it on occasion.  I particularly get a kick out of the “shared universe” aspect of the show when another Disney character makes an appearance.

But there in lies a bit of problem.

In the back of my mind I keep expecting Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood to pop up and start singing, “Too late to be known as Sofia the first, she’s sure to be known as Sofia the worst . . .”

A Couple Million Years Ought To Do It

May 30, 2017

Today I was presented with the theoretical situation of what would I do if my fifteen-year-old son asked me what I thought of the idea of him getting on a bus to travel hundreds of miles alone so he could meet someone he’d meet online.

It didn’t take me long to come up with my answer.

“What I’d tell him,” I said, “is that if that’s what he really wants to do, what he needs to do is wait for the end of humanity on Earth, give it enough time for the radiation levels to die down and for the cockroaches to achieve sentience, then ask his cockroach father and see what he says.”

Sometimes It’s All In The Framing

April 21, 2017

After a couple of hours of struggling to keep my son on track for today’s schoolwork, I finally got the chance to pour myself a cup from the pot of coffee that had been brewed fresh around the time the day’s conflict had begun.  Instead of a stream of coffee, however, I was rewarded with a drizzle.

“Really?”  I sighed.  “All that work and my reward is coffee dregs?”  I sighed again, then added without enthusiasm, “Yay, fatherhood.”

At this point L’s mother beckoned me over and made a gesture that is really none of your business.  Suffice it to say that once I caught my breath again, I managed a far more enthusiastic “Yay, fatherhood!” and got on with my day.

I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself

March 8, 2017

Children seriously do not understand how fragile life is, especially their own. For example, they don’t realize how dangerous it is to scream when they’re supposed to be sleeping . . .

– S.T.

“Inappropriate? Of COURSE It’s ‘Inappropriate!’ That’s Why It’s Funny!”

February 3, 2017

In the interest of doing a light-hearted entry on a day that I’m not feeling particularly light-hearted, I share the following observation with you:

One of the driving forces behind “Dad jokes” is the fact that Dads aren’t generally rewarded if they share the really funny things they’re thinking.

Other Reactions Might Follow, But That Would Definitely Be The First

August 12, 2016

To those who might have wondered how I’d respond if my son one day announced to me, “Dad, I’m gay,” I suspect my first reaction would be, “Hi, Gay.  I’m Dad.”

A Letter To My Unborn Daughter (Part Five)

April 29, 2016

I’m going to do my best as your father, but if there’s one thing five years of being a father to your brother has taught me, it’s that my best is far from perfect.  I’ll keep working at it though.

In the meantime, I’ll end with more or less the same advice I gave your brother in my first letter to him.  Be sure to cut your mother, Lala, and your brother some slack too, they’re going to need it just as much as I will, and watch out for those people who think it’s funny to tell outrageous stories to children just to see if you’ll believe them.  If someone ever tries to tell you there’s no peanut butter left in the world because a giant peanut better eating black hole has sucked it all away, the Universal perfect child response to that is a disdainful “Nu-uh!” and a scornful look; don’t kick them!  Until you’re old enough to make the determination on your own, just come to me and let me decide if they need to be kicked or not.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but it can wait for now.  Good luck, daughter.

I’m pulling for you.