Posts Tagged ‘Food’

She Actually Swore At Me For That One, So I Know She Appreciated It

November 27, 2019

To put it simply, L’s Mother likes talking about food, and I prefer eating food to talking about it.  Even so, I do my best to stay engaged when she’s on the topic, and that’s no joke, but the longer the conversation goes on, the more likely it becomes that a joke will be told.

L’s Mother forget this recently, and was completely unprepared when I said, “Speaking of tempeh, the other day I read that someone is trying to create a tempeh-derived milk substitute.  They’ve had a promising start, but it may be years before they get a viable final product.”

“Really?” L’s Mother asked me.

“Yes, really,” I assured her.  “It could happen someday, but right now it’s a long, long way to tempeh-dairy.”

The Horror! The Horror!

November 22, 2019

Me:  (After some bleak contemplation of the tofu and low-carb beer sitting before me.)  This is somebody’s idea for a new layer of Hell, isn’t it?

Well . . . Maybe One

November 18, 2019

In a backhanded way I’m kind of glad I didn’t get the chance to tell this story last week because now there’s more to tell:

Last week my son wanted to go to our local doughnut shop and get a doughnut, and I spent a couple of hours seeing if either his mother or Lala (both on diets) wanted to take him.  I tried playing up the aspect of them getting some coffee while they were there, but to no avail.

As I explained to them, the reason I didn’t want to take him is because I knew that if I went I’d come back with a box of doughnuts that I’d end up eating the bulk of (and I did too) because to me the concept of only getting “one doughnut” from a shop was the perfect example of a number that was both irrational and imaginary.

This week however has given me reason to be grateful to the concept of irrational and imaginary numbers because my son wants to go again this week and I am not eating any doughnuts this week!

It Turns Out It Wasn’t So Difficult For Me To Describe After All

October 23, 2019

“Try this,” L’s Mother said to me yesterday while she handed me a dubious looking fried chip.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s . . . something,” she replied.  When I looked at her askance she added, “It’s difficult to describe.”

So I tried it.

“Wow . . .” I said slowly.  “The drywall really brings out the taste of the ceiling plaster, doesn’t it?”

Reason Number 432 Why I Am Not A Great Chef

July 4, 2019

Great chefs never announce that they are using some olive oil by using the words, “Oh, Popeye!

Sometimes Virtue Really Is Its Own Reward

July 1, 2019

Me:  (thinking)  That looks like some kind of delicious cinnamon cereal!  (out loud while resisting the urge to steal a piece from the bowl while Lala isn’t looking)  “What is that?”

Lala:  “Pork rinds.”

Me:  (blanching)  “I’m really glad I didn’t steal some then!”

Maybe She Has A Point After All

June 14, 2019

Paraphrased from a text conversation between me and Lala:

Me:  “Just dropped L’s Mother off  for her appointment.  Now to make the decision on how to spend my time for a bit.”

Lala:  “You’ll find some place awesome.  You have that knack.”

 Me:  (thinking) I don’t know if that’s really accurate.

Me: (Also thinking, but now after I’ve finished eating)  That deep fried raspberry cheesecake with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and caramel drizzle really was pretty good.

Guess Which Two Things Have Started To Be Cooked Around Here More Lately, And You’ll Have The Answer

June 11, 2019

It’s actually impressive to me that cooking cauliflower can almost rival cooking fish in its ability to permeate the house with its odor.

Guess how I know this.

I Was Still Fine, Just A Little . . . Less Fine After That

March 22, 2019

You know how television and movies like to show how desensitized someone has become by having them eat a sandwich during an autopsy or the like?

Today while I was finishing up breakfast I noticed I needed to clean up after our dog, Isa.  Since I was pressed for time, I grabbed something to protect my hand and transported the dog food byproduct to the toilet.  It was only as I was flushing that I became fully aware that I had been chewing the last bite of my breakfast the entire time.

I was fine until I remembered I’d been eating a chocolate muffin.

“Yes, That Was Exactly It”

March 20, 2019

“Who bought the ‘Would-Kill-Me-If-I-Ate-It pie?'” L’s Mother asked me yesterday.

“Lala,” I answered.  “She knew I was feeling down and thought it might help.”

L’s Mother considered that for a moment.  “And she blamed me for your mood, is that it?” she asked with a smirk.