It’s Okay If You Don’t Get It, She Did

“Can you remind me again when you’re planning on taking the Christmas decorations off the holiday tree?” I asked L’s Mother the other day.

“After Candlemas,” she replied.

I just looked at her and sighed, “Now I’m gonna need more rope.”

I’ll Talk To You Later

Originally I was going to write something longer (and honestly, not that festive), but L’s mother is waiting for me to wrap this up, and I think my holiday is better spent with her than here.

Happy Holidays!

It Was A *Particularly* Vain Hope For This Holiday

Every holiday has its traditional icons, but one of the least talked about icons is the “holiday possum.”  Strongly related to the “weekend possum” and the “day-off possum,” the holiday possum remains perfectly still in bed, mimicking sleep in the often vain hope that the child(ren) of the house will leave them be for at least a few minutes more.

Fun-Weird Is Fine, Just Not Weird-Weird, Okay?

However you chose to observe/celebrate this time of year, my advice is whatever you do, unless it’s your deliberate intent, don’t make it weird.

I’ll Be Better Tomorrow, So At Least I Can Be Thankful About That

I can think of no better way to describe my mood today than by admitting that when Mom expressed her hope that we have a good Thanksgiving, my actual response was “I hope we have a good one too.”

A Holiday Observation From The Perspective Of Parenthood

After a while a child’s noises, be they of excitement, frustration, griping, or what have you, all start to sound the same . . .

This News Increased My Base Tranquility

(Hmmmm . . . lighthearted or more broody today?  Oh, what the heck?  Let’s go with lighthearted.)

So I sent my Dad a cake for the holidays, but since I didn’t have any tracking information, I texted asking him to let me know when/if the package arrived.

His response?

“Houston, the package has landed.  All is well.  Small cake for me, but added pounds for all mankind.”

Ah, Thanksgiving

“Okay, there’s going to be a delay on dinner,” L’s Mother announced.  “I’m trying something new and I’ve hit a snag, so I’m glad to see that you’re snacking because you’re going to need that to tide you over.”

“This ain’t my first rodeo, little lady,” I chuckled around my mouthful of cold pizza.

Dreaming Of A White Christmas

So I thought I had it bad when I realized I had failed to lay in a critical household supply, necessitating a Christmas Eve grocery store run.

But I wasn’t even close.

The folks checking out in front of me looked like they had forgotten to buy anything for a holiday meal, but it turns out they had actually completely prepared for Christmas dinner with their extended family when they arrived.

What they were not prepared for was the call they received this morning from their kids saying, “Mom, Dad, great news, we and the kids are actually going to make it in a day early!  That won’t be a problem, right?”

Pro tip, kids:  People in that situation will often say it’s not a problem, when in fact, it is a huge problem, and if you pull that trick too often, it’s a fast way to guarantee a white Christmas for yourself.

(They still cover cadavers in the morgue with white sheets, right?)