Every holiday has its traditional icons, but one of the least talked about icons is the “holiday possum.” Strongly related to the “weekend possum” and the “day-off possum,” the holiday possum remains perfectly still in bed, mimicking sleep in the often vain hope that the child(ren) of the house will leave them be for at least a few minutes more.
However you chose to observe/celebrate this time of year, my advice is whatever you do, unless it’s your deliberate intent, don’t make it weird.
I can think of no better way to describe my mood today than by admitting that when Mom expressed her hope that we have a good Thanksgiving, my actual response was “I hope we have a good one too.”
After a while a child’s noises, be they of excitement, frustration, griping, or what have you, all start to sound the same . . .
(Hmmmm . . . lighthearted or more broody today? Oh, what the heck? Let’s go with lighthearted.)
So I sent my Dad a cake for the holidays, but since I didn’t have any tracking information, I texted asking him to let me know when/if the package arrived.
His response?
“Houston, the package has landed. All is well. Small cake for me, but added pounds for all mankind.”
“Okay, there’s going to be a delay on dinner,” L’s Mother announced. “I’m trying something new and I’ve hit a snag, so I’m glad to see that you’re snacking because you’re going to need that to tide you over.”
“This ain’t my first rodeo, little lady,” I chuckled around my mouthful of cold pizza.
So I thought I had it bad when I realized I had failed to lay in a critical household supply, necessitating a Christmas Eve grocery store run.
But I wasn’t even close.
The folks checking out in front of me looked like they had forgotten to buy anything for a holiday meal, but it turns out they had actually completely prepared for Christmas dinner with their extended family when they arrived.
What they were not prepared for was the call they received this morning from their kids saying, “Mom, Dad, great news, we and the kids are actually going to make it in a day early! That won’t be a problem, right?”
Pro tip, kids: People in that situation will often say it’s not a problem, when in fact, it is a huge problem, and if you pull that trick too often, it’s a fast way to guarantee a white Christmas for yourself.
(They still cover cadavers in the morgue with white sheets, right?)
