Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

I’d Have Declared Her The Winner Too

March 1, 2021

I’m 80 years old. I need one more cheap thrill, since my doctor told me I only have another 25 years left.

Miskel Spillman‘s winning entry (in 25 words or less) in Saturday Night Live‘s “Anyone Can Host” contest

When He’s Right, He’s Right

April 15, 2020

Today my son asked if he could have some more orange slices, but this time could I “set them closer to him.”

“Okaaaay!”  I gleefully told him, which really should have warn him, then I carefully balanced the plastic bowl with the orange slices on top of his head so he wouldn’t forget about them like he had the previous slices.

He sighed softly.  “This is a one time joke, right?” he asked me.  “Because it wouldn’t be funny a second time.”

And I Relearn That Lesson On A Regular Basis

April 13, 2020

Years ago I watched a stand-up comedian tell a joke that made the entire audience groan, and his response was, “I know, but I don’t care.  It’s my favorite joke, it stays in the act.”

I learned a lot that day.

He’s A Bright Kid

May 1, 2018

Yesterday I was in the process of walking into a room when I found an inflatable sun blocking the doorway.  Things like this happen with children in the house, so I just moved it out of my way and didn’t give it a second thought.

Until later when I found it in the doorway again.

Why is this toy in my way after I’ve already moved it once?” I asked my son.

“Because it’s a sunblock!” he answered with a cheesy grin.

I Walked Into That One So Hard My Nose STILL Hurts

October 27, 2017

And to wrap up the week, a quick joke from my son:

We were going over some of his classwork earlier this week, and I made the mistake of telling him that something was the “same principle” as something else.

“Of course it’s the same principle!” he said with a grin.  “Every school only has one principal, you know.”

Say Goodnight, Lala

October 12, 2015

Some days are better than others, and yesterday was one of “those days” for this household.  Everyone was feeling discontented and generally inclined to be vocal about it.  So much so that by day’s end when Lala told me she was going to sleep, I asked her if she wanted to chat a few minutes first just to try to change the day’s mood before it was completely over.

“So we don’t have to chat about anything in particular, but the rule is neither of us can complain about anything, and if we can’t do that, then best we say goodnight now.”

She pondered that for a moment, looked me dead in the eye, said “Goodnight,” then turned and walked away.

That was one of the few laughs I’d had that day, so . . . thanks for that, Lala.

Tacky, I Know, But My Audience LOVED It

September 30, 2015

(And now for a lighter moment to change the subject.)

“What does P.U. stand for?”  L. asked me this morning.

“Pepsi Uncle,” I answered.  (Pepsi Uncle was the name of a long ago jack-o-lantern of mine when I was around L’s age so I could call it “P.U. Pumpkin.”)

“No!” L. laughed.  “What does P.U.P. stand for?”

“Oh!” I exclaimed as I realized where this was going.  “It stands for pup!”

“Yes!” L. giggled.  “What does P.U.P.P. stand for?”

“The same as pup, just with some extra P,” I answered, then paused.  “That pup needs to go outside!”

Facing The Truth

June 9, 2015

And now for a lighter note:

George: Your mother cut my face out of the picture.
Gracie:  Oh, George, you’re being sensitive.
George: I am not! Look at my face! What happened to it?
Gracie:  I don’t know. It looks like you fell on it.

Burns and Allen

And Calling It An “Action Lentil” Doesn’t Change Anything

January 14, 2015

(Another odd mood, another easy joke, also food related.  Maybe I need to eat more.)

I try not to judge over inconsequential things, but I have to draw the line somewhere, son.  I know you’re going through a picky eating phase, and that you play with your food more than eat it right now, but your mother worked really hard on preparing you a nice Indian inspired meal last night, and no son of mine is going to play with his dal at the dinner table.

Then I Remembered “Buffalo Wings,” And Became Even Less Sure

January 13, 2015

(I’m in an odd mood, so I’m going for the easy joke today.)

While shopping the other day, I came across something that perplexed me.  In the meat department I found “ground buffalo” for sale.

Is there another kind?  Don’t they ALL live on the ground?