Posts Tagged ‘Identity’

Because After A While You Can’t Escape The Realization That Doesn’t REALLY Answer The Question, Now Does It?

April 27, 2017

Yesterday I spent a lot of time being challenged by one of those CAPTCHA tests as I navigated a website.  At first this was just annoying, but after a while it started to become almost existential to be repeatedly asked “Are you human?” with the only reply being “I’m not a robot.”

It Was Late Enough At Night That This Even Almost Made Sense To Me At The Time

March 29, 2017

This may only be funny to me, but yesterday’s entry reminded me of the time I accidentally dialed my own phone number.  (It was late at night and I was running mostly on autopilot.)

Right as I realized what I had done, I heard the sound of a phone ringing on the other end of the line, so I promptly hung up because like I said, it was late, I know how much I hate it when people call me after a certain hour without a good reason, and I didn’t want to get mad at myself.

Roles (Part Two)

September 6, 2013

Now to head off the nigh-inevitable question (sometimes asked of me privately, sometimes just thought of and mentioned to me long after the fact) of “What brought this on?”, I’ll go ahead and answer that here and now.  (See?  I do pay attention to feedback.)

Someone asked a question, and without thinking, I started switching to the role of “answerer.”  Never mind that I had my doubts that the questioner really wanted an answer, and even more doubts that they had any room for it amidst all their preconceived notions, I still almost answered automatically.  I managed to stop myself, but it was a near thing . . . too near.

Now this may not sound like much to you, but I’ve wasted so much time (my time and other’s) trying to give answers people simply did not want to hear, that these days I’ve learned the merits of beating down (with a baseball bat, if necessary) the impulse to play the role of “answerer” unless I’m sure the answer is going to be heard.  Of course, I’m rarely “sure” about these things, so sometimes I make exceptions and sometimes I take chances, and sometimes I end up regretting that and sometimes I don’t.

I can live with that though, so long as I don’t automatically answer.

Roles (Part One)

September 5, 2013

I have a confession to make.

If someone tries to cast me in a social role, my first inclination is to become that role.  I don’t do this because I lack an identity of my own, mind you, but because (and this will either make sense to you or it won’t) on a deeply visceral level I’ve yet to be able to change, I consider it impolite to do anything else.

As you might imagine, this works just fine if someone is trying to bring out the best in me and/or it’s a role that I want to play, but it sours rather quickly outside those two circumstances.  Heck, it can sour if only one of those circumstances is in play, but if none of them apply, it can get downright ugly, not to mention confusing, as multiple, often conflicting, roles are thrown my way.  In the words of a certain Goblin King:

Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations.

Over time, of course, I’ve learned the importance of not accepting a role just because someone else wants me to play it.  (My son reminds me of this every time he’s mad and trying to make me mad too.)

But the inclination remains.