Posts Tagged ‘Inappropriate . . . But Funny’

This Will Make More Sense To You Later, Son

November 5, 2020

The other day my son with gifted with a toy drone that zips around the house. It’s fun while it lasts, but it takes about 40 minutes of charging to get around 5 to 8 minutes of play.

My son calls it Drone 6000; *I* call it a dating simulator.

And It Probably Never Will

October 27, 2020

The other night I had a dream that I was essentially a ghost, and my sole method of interacting with the world was via touch. Even that, however, was limited to touching people, not objects. I had a message I was trying to get across, but I couldn’t even write it, and I was starting to get frustrated even though I could understand perfectly why people weren’t sticking around long after feeling an unearthly presence touching their skin.

As bad as this was, it got worse when word started to get out about the “haunting,” and thrill seekers started seeking me out like I was a cheap Halloween attraction. This finally culminated in a group of college-age girls coming to my location and throwing giggling dares at me to “touch them.”

Even in my dream I recognized this as an awkward situation because on one hand I don’t like saying no to a request (particularly a request like that one) unless I have a reason, but on the other hand, there was room for doubt as to the seriousness of their request, or at least some doubt that they seriously thought the request might actually be granted.

“You could have just booped their noses,” L’s Mother opined when I told her about all this when I awoke.

Chuckling a throaty chuckle, I smirked and admitted, “I can honestly say that option never even occurred to me!”

So I’m Getting Some Business Cards Printed Up

March 18, 2020

So yesterday somebody posted one of those “Find Your Offensive St. Patrick’s Day Name” name generators on my social media feed, and I had a few moments, so I checked and saw that my generated name was beyond anything I was prepared for even knowing the name was supposed to be “offensive.”

I mean, this was a name that could only appeal to a drunk and hor. . . monal teenager who was at the stage of intoxication that everything is funny (especially the stuff that isn’t) and the delusion has set in that whatever they say will come across as witty and charming, and there is simply no way I am going to ever post or even say that name in public!

This Made Me Smile, And I Haven’t Had A Lot Of Smiles To Share Lately, So Here You Go

March 11, 2020

I must stay and watch the brat,

‘Cause ma and pa just had a spat,

The ice man still brings ice, you see,

But our ice box runs with ‘tricity!

– Something I saw yesterday on a clip featuring a classic black-and-white cartoon (no link because some of the clips, while funny, take it a bit far even by my standards.)

 

Not When You Say It Out Loud, No

January 4, 2019

Last night we were playing Yahtzee and L’s Mother had one more roll of the die to complete her Yahtzee attempt, so she was talking to the die.(1)

“If you come through as a two, I will totally do the Yahtzee thing(2), I swear!” she told it.  “Come on, it’ll be funny!”  Evidently though, the die thought of something funnier, because she rolled a five.

Not to be outdone, however, L’s Mother promptly thrust her fist into the air and cried “Not-zee!”.

Around horrified laughter (hers and ours) she finally managed to gasp “That’s! Not! Right!”

*****

(1)  It’s something a lot of Yahtzee players do, so it’s only moderately weird.

(2) Meaning, for those who don’t know, a triumphant fist being raised into the air accompanied by a cry of “Yahtzee!”.

L’s Mother Thought It Was Funny, At Least

August 7, 2018

Judging by the silence, not even the crickets thought yesterday’s post was funny; that’s okay though . . . because *I* did.

And on the subject of things that only I might find funny, yesterday after a long and tiring day I found myself contemplating the dirty dinner dishes still remaining on the table.  Reaching a decision, I looked at L’s Mother and announced, “I can give you every part of the rat but one for those remaining dishes.”

My Favorite Part Of This Is The Oxford Dictionary Links

February 2, 2018

“Yes, Virginia, there is a slight difference between a ‘butt-dial‘ and a ‘booty call‘ . . .”

(Inspired by an e-mail conversation I had yesterday.)

And I Thought To Myself, “Nah . . . Too Easy!”

January 19, 2018

Last night I was checking the WordPress site on my phone, and the link for ‘report ad’ was visible before the banner ad loaded, prompting me to ask myself “I wonder what kind of ad I’d feel the need to report on WordPress?”.

Then the ad loaded:

“Backend developers needed!”

I Regret Nothing

November 17, 2017

Last night I was making the traditional “just sat through a movie in the theater” restroom stop when I walked into a bit of situation.  I don’t know the full story, but I’m guessing the kid at the far urinal was having some sort of “shy bladder” issue, and his father was trying to talk him through the etiquette of how to focus.

“Always leave a space between urinals if you can, look forward and just pretend that nobody else is even there,” he was saying.

I tried to resist, I really did, but the setup was just too perfect, so I deadpanned, “And never talk.”

“That as well,” he chuckled, but then the silence got awkward as I maintained my deadpan for the sake of the joke until I had completed my own business and left the restroom.

That Doesn’t Sound Like A “You’re Wrong” To Me

October 16, 2017

Last night somebody handed me a soft blanket that was a particular shade of grey, and I stopped a moment to marvel at it.

“This is so soft,” I said, “that if somebody skinned Eeyore and made a blanket out of him, I’ll bet the blanket would look and feel exactly like this.”

Naturally this prompted a horrified look from L’s Mother.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” I challenged her with a grin.

Her retort?

“Shut up!”