Posts Tagged ‘Inappropriate . . . But Funny’

My Favorite Part Of This Is The Oxford Dictionary Links

February 2, 2018

“Yes, Virginia, there is a slight difference between a ‘butt-dial‘ and a ‘booty call‘ . . .”

(Inspired by an e-mail conversation I had yesterday.)

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And I Thought To Myself, “Nah . . . Too Easy!”

January 19, 2018

Last night I was checking the WordPress site on my phone, and the link for ‘report ad’ was visible before the banner ad loaded, prompting me to ask myself “I wonder what kind of ad I’d feel the need to report on WordPress?”.

Then the ad loaded:

“Backend developers needed!”

I Regret Nothing

November 17, 2017

Last night I was making the traditional “just sat through a movie in the theater” restroom stop when I walked into a bit of situation.  I don’t know the full story, but I’m guessing the kid at the far urinal was having some sort of “shy bladder” issue, and his father was trying to talk him through the etiquette of how to focus.

“Always leave a space between urinals if you can, look forward and just pretend that nobody else is even there,” he was saying.

I tried to resist, I really did, but the setup was just too perfect, so I deadpanned, “And never talk.”

“That as well,” he chuckled, but then the silence got awkward as I maintained my deadpan for the sake of the joke until I had completed my own business and left the restroom.

That Doesn’t Sound Like A “You’re Wrong” To Me

October 16, 2017

Last night somebody handed me a soft blanket that was a particular shade of grey, and I stopped a moment to marvel at it.

“This is so soft,” I said, “that if somebody skinned Eeyore and made a blanket out of him, I’ll bet the blanket would look and feel exactly like this.”

Naturally this prompted a horrified look from L’s Mother.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” I challenged her with a grin.

Her retort?

“Shut up!”

What Did You THINK I Meant?

October 12, 2017

“Right,” I said out loud this morning.  “Time to get the tape and the coconut oil.”

It was at this point I became aware of questioning adult eyes upon me.

“They’re needed for a science project demonstrating why spiders don’t get stuck to their own webs,” I clarified with a chuckle.

Now I Want To Make That Character!

September 22, 2017

Me:  That bra is a telekinetic wielding an ax!

L’s Mother:  What?

Me:  It’s really good at lifting and separating.  

Presumably

February 10, 2017

As background for this, my son’s virtual school teacher has a habit of going “Mmmmmm” when she’s reaches the blank part of a sentence that she’s reading to the class.  For example, if the sentence is “The _____ dog is barking,” she’ll read it to the class as “The Mmmmm dog is barking,” then ask the class which word would go best in that sentence.  This is usually not a problem.

Usually.

The other day, however, the sentence was “Abraham Lincoln was called _____ Abe,” and the correct word to fill in the blank was, of course, “Honest.”  However, when she read it as “Abraham Lincoln was called Mmmmmm Abe,” my honest (but kept to myself) first thought was “Presumably only by Mary Todd though!”

In Honor Of The Unofficial State Bird

July 22, 2016

I was talking to my Dad on the phone the other day, and he made the mistake of telling me he was at one of the Finger Lakes, but he “wasn’t sure which one.”

“It’s New York, Dad,” I reminded him.  “You’re probably at the middle one.”

Well I Do!

July 13, 2016

Every time I see on social media people posting the results of their “This is the size of my vocabulary” quizzes, I keep thinking “Maybe . . . but how well do you use it?”

Possibly At The Bar

June 29, 2016

This morning my son asked me if I knew what a “hot Jupiter” was.  “Sounds like a drink to me,” I told him, prompting him to giggle and tell me that was silly.

He was right, of course.

But it’s not like I was going to tell him that it sounds like a name you’d hear in an all-male strip club.