Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

When Gaming And Birthdays Collide

May 31, 2021

She’s [age redacted]? It’s time for her to start gearing up!

– L., age 10, making a joke upon hearing his grandmother’s age

I’m Not Sure Where This Stems From

November 23, 2020

I’ve mentioned before that flowers and I don’t get along, but I despise fake flowers as abominations against nature.

You might say the only thing I hate worse than posies are poseurs.

Thanks, Son

November 2, 2020

Me: *Thinking while staring at the computer screen* There has got to be something better for me to write about than how depressing Halloween was!

My Son: *Bursting into my office and launching into his routine even before I have time to protest* “Why did the chicken cross the ocean?”

Me: *Sighing* “Why?”

My Son: “To get to the other tide!”

Me: *Thinking* Works for me.

So Always Test The Waters Carefully

September 1, 2020

Yesterday’s post got me thinking about when is a joke “too soon”? Now I doubt anybody out feels that a tragicomic event from 1677 falls into that category, but it’s not like there’s a set amount of time that passes before it’s okay to make light of something. I learned that when I heard Fozzie Bear ask, “What do you get when you go on a titanic vacation?” and the answer was “Halfway across the Atlantic!”. Now even though the Titanic sank in 1912, my response was still “Too soon!”.

So when is a joke no longer “too soon”?

When people are ready to laugh about the incident, and never any sooner.

He’s Been Watching British Programing Again

August 27, 2019

My son this morning:  Do you want to hear a joke?

Me:  (Mentally sighing because it’s really early.)  Sure.

My son:  How do you get four elephants in a Mini?

Me:  (Mentally:  I’ve always hated this joke, and why is he including a British car in it?  Oh, well . . .)   Outloud:  Two in the front and two in the back.

My son:  Right!  Now how do you get two whales in a Mini?

Me:  (Mentally:  Really?!)  Outloud:  One in the front and one in the back?

My son:  No, you take the M4 from London!

Me:  (Mentally piecing it together.  Wait, what?  “How do you get to Wales in a Mini?”  Oh!)  Outloud:  That’s terrible!  I’m so proud of you!

The Worst Joke I Told My Son This Week

August 9, 2019

So this guy is getting ready to travel through the cursed forest of Am, and is understandably concerned about the evil reputation the forest’s trees have.  A local guide assures him that while the trees might look fearsome, they were, in fact, completely harmless.

So assured, the guy enters the forest and, sure enough, the trees don’t bother him, but once he’s a ways into the woods, the shrubs start flailing at him and even chasing him down when he tried to run.  Bleeding from numerous wounds, he barely escapes the forest with his life.

Once he had recovered, he tracks down the guide and confronts him.  “You told me the forest was safe!” he shouted.  “But I nearly died when those shrubs attacked me!”

“I told you the trees of Am were harmless,” the guide corrected.  “But you’ve still got to watch out for Am-bushes.”

When NOT Making The Joke Leads To More Jokes

April 4, 2019

Lala:  I’m going to draw a bath.

Me:  *doesn’t take the joke bait, but it doesn’t make any difference*

Lala:  . . . with crayon!

L’s Mother:  You should use water colors instead!

I Woke Up Thinking This Today. I REALLY Hope I Read It Somewhere

March 27, 2019

How do church towers in Ireland lose weight?

They go on a “bell fast.”

Groan All You Want, I’m Proud Of That One

October 30, 2017

And to start the week, one of my jokes:

The other night we were having penne for dinner, and L’s Mother asked him what he thought of it.

“It’s good,” he said.

“It’s the last from that bulk mix of pastas I bought a while back,” she told him.  “Since you like it, I’ll be sure to buy more.”

“In other words,” I interjected.  “In for a penne, in for a pound.”

I Walked Into That One So Hard My Nose STILL Hurts

October 27, 2017

And to wrap up the week, a quick joke from my son:

We were going over some of his classwork earlier this week, and I made the mistake of telling him that something was the “same principle” as something else.

“Of course it’s the same principle!” he said with a grin.  “Every school only has one principal, you know.”