Two Things I Want My Son To Learn Early (Part One)

Correlation is not causation.

Possibility is not probability.

Okay, Maybe It’s Not So Much Of A Secret, Come To Think

“Do you know where Miss Eat-n-arf is?” my son asked earlier today, thus revealing to me the secret identity of Social Distancing Dog.

Thanks For Saving Me Some Time Today, Son

The basic idea of Isa (our dog) is easy.  You just need fur and a stomach.

– Today’s drive-by observation from my son, L. (age 9)

When He’s Right, He’s Right

Today my son asked if he could have some more orange slices, but this time could I “set them closer to him.”

“Okaaaay!”  I gleefully told him, which really should have warn him, then I carefully balanced the plastic bowl with the orange slices on top of his head so he wouldn’t forget about them like he had the previous slices.

He sighed softly.  “This is a one time joke, right?” he asked me.  “Because it wouldn’t be funny a second time.”

A Confession

Look, I don’t have anything good to say today (I’ve got plenty of “not good” things I could say, but I’m just not in the mood.), and my son is waiting for me to be free to play with him, so I’m going to do that instead of sit here any longer.

So I’m Doubling His Salary And Taking The Rest Of The Day Off So I Don’t Fire Him

While I’ve been trying to come up with something to write here today, my editor (i.e., my son) has pointed out not one, but two errors I made in previous posts.

The Answer Is, Yes, I Should Be

Should I be worried that my son has been giving me a 48 hour countdown to April Fools’ Day?

Disney Yet Again (Part Five)

Now that I think about it, there was one event worth the telling that happened.  (It had slipped my mind because I’d already told the tale elsewhere.)

One of my son L’s favorite places to eat at Disney is Casey’s Corner, and on our last visit he got to toss out the opening pitch (a tradition at Casey’s when it opens its doors in the morning).  This was followed by the crowd singing  “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” (another tradition when Casey’s opens), and my son enthusiastically joined along.

But he didn’t know all the words.

So now whenever I hear “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” I’m going to hear my son singing, “Something, something, SOMEthing!”

Maybe I Should Buy Him A Hat

My son:  Yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer . . . 

Me:  (Glancing at the sky, then at my son’s mother)  I’m glad the sun’s starting to go down; I’d hate for the boy to sunburn his tongue.

“Interpreting Context Clues”

“So that’s how she ended up leaving the building with a police escort and sporting a lovely new set of bracelets!” I finished my story at the dinner table last night.

My son chuckled.  “That’s a funny way of saying she got handcuffed,” he said.

His mother (who’s been taking point on our son’s school recently) beamed with pride.  “You definitely get an “A” in school today for that!” she told him.

Flabergasted, I turned to her and asked, “What exactly are you teaching him?!”