Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Today’s Safety Tip (And Feel Better Soon)

May 10, 2022

While it’s okay advice to “grab with both hands what life gives you,” as a caveat, if what life is giving you is straight out of the oven, put on oven mitts first.

A Brief Review Of The Symphony Of My Soul Of Late

April 28, 2022

Too many notes, not enough silence between the notes.

It Worked For Winston Churchill

April 14, 2022

As I continue to teach my son about the values of patience and perspective, naturally I find my own patience and perspective being regularly tested, and this week has been a particularly challenging one on that front.

So much so that after numerous setbacks I found myself factiously thinking, “Maybe I need to aspire to become a functioning alcoholic because then at least I’d be functioning!”

“Is That Fair, I Ask You?”

March 31, 2022

Yesterday my son observed that (to paraphrase) it seems like in this world if you do ninety percent right, people will focus on the ten percent you did wrong.

He’s not entirely incorrect, of course (John Wilkes Booth will never be remembered for his acting skills, for instance), but I tried to convey to him that the scale of what you do right and wrong does tend to matter. To do so, I cleaned up (in a sense) an old joke I know:

A traveler was out hiking one day and got completely lost as it started to get dark. Before he lost the light entirely he noticed a finely made fence leading up the hillside. He followed the fence up to an equally well built cottage and knocked on the door.

“Excuse me,” the traveler said to the old man who opened the door. “I hate to bother you, but I’m lost and it’s too dark for me to find my way into town tonight, so could I stay with you until morning?”

“Of course!” the old man said. “I don’t get many visitors these days, so I’d appreciate the company. Did you find me by following the fence leading up here?”

“I did!” the traveler answered. “It’s a very nice fence.”

“I built that fence all by myself, you know,” the old man said with pride. “This cottage too, but never got any credit for it. Do they call me a master carpenter, no they do not!”

“Why is that?” the traveler asked.

“You know how it is,” the old man said with a shrug. “You kill and eat one hiker, and suddenly you’re ‘The Mountainside Strangler’ . . .”

And Some Days The Universe Laughs At You

January 26, 2022

Yes, I was feeling pretty proud of myself the other day. This lasted right up until the following day when I went to get something from the car and it wouldn’t unlock.

Sighing heavily, I began to prepare myself to deal with what it could mean if the battery I had just tested and installed the other day was dead already, when I noticed the car’s security system (which, of course, requires power) was still active.

Turns out the battery in my key fob (which had worked the day before) had died.

Unfortunately, I’m Playing Against Type

December 30, 2021

In life we play many roles.

Today the role I’m playing is “person trying to rest so they can heal.”

“I Wonder If The Watermelon Is Still Good?” I Asked Myself Today

November 15, 2021

Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: ‘I’m saving food!’ Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: ‘I’m saving my life!’

George Carlin

My Other Morning Thought From Yesterday

August 27, 2021

Hmmmmm . . . from the sound of it, either there’s a leak somewhere in my roof, or a little gnome carpenter is working on my ceiling in the rain.

Who Ya Gonna Call For Something Like That?

May 3, 2021

My new end of life goal is to be the guy contemplating a gravestone in a graveyard at midnight so that when somebody asks me what I’m doing I can sigh and say, “I just can’t get over how they spelled my name wrong.”

And Sometimes It’s A Hard-Won Peace

October 21, 2020

With voting, as with much of life in general, sometimes you have to make peace with the fact that you don’t want to have to deal with this ****, then go deal with it.