Posts Tagged ‘Names’

It Just Would Have Confused Things Too Much

October 8, 2020

It literally hasn’t been mentioned in years, but today the fact that L’s Mother didn’t take my name when we got married came up obliquely in conversation, and it got me thinking.

I remember some people wondering if that bothered me, and it didn’t then, and it doesn’t now. I’m actually grateful she didn’t take my name because can you imagine how awful it would to be to hear someone call out “Robert!” and neither of us knowing if they were to talking to me or her?

So I’m Getting Some Business Cards Printed Up

March 18, 2020

So yesterday somebody posted one of those “Find Your Offensive St. Patrick’s Day Name” name generators on my social media feed, and I had a few moments, so I checked and saw that my generated name was beyond anything I was prepared for even knowing the name was supposed to be “offensive.”

I mean, this was a name that could only appeal to a drunk and hor. . . monal teenager who was at the stage of intoxication that everything is funny (especially the stuff that isn’t) and the delusion has set in that whatever they say will come across as witty and charming, and there is simply no way I am going to ever post or even say that name in public!

Sometimes You Have To Consider The Possibility That Reality Might Be Funnier Than You Are

May 15, 2015

As my week of snark continues, I was glancing over a drink menu last night and found myself contemplating how drink names have gone from the mildly risqué “Sex on the Beach” (And if this is the first time you’ve ever heard of that drink, welcome to the Internet!  Enjoy your first day.) to legitimate grounds for sexual harassment, and I’m not talking about the drink.  (Because, of course, there is one.(1))

In light of that, I found myself tempted to saunter up to the bar and order the most fantastically offensive list of random words and concepts I could string together, the sort of thing that if I posted here I’d ended up self-censoring out every word except for “the” and assorted prepositions, just to see what happened, but in the end(2) I restrained myself.

NOT because I was afraid of causing offense, mind you . . . but for fear the bartender would just nod and start mixing my drink.


(1) Yes, I noticed the typo too, but I suspect so long as all the alcoholic components are spelled correctly, typos don’t really matter in drink recipes.

(2) I will neither confirm nor deny the possibility that particular phrase might contain a clue to some of the words/concepts I was considering including.

It’s A Bit Late For That, Son

April 3, 2015

“Rob, can you help me?” my four-year-old asked me today.

“Can you call me ‘Daddy?'” I countered.

“No,” he answered with a hint of a pout.  “I don’t want you to be a Dad.”

Because I HATE It When He Calls Me Rob

February 20, 2015

Yesterday I mentioned that my son wanted to be called Diesel 10.

This is a pretty common thing around here right now, though I suppose it must be a sign that he’s growing up because he used to call me Diesel 10.

I miss those days.