Today on this date, according to a shared memory, one of my nieces spent an amazing day riding horses with friends.
Apparently on this same date (albeit some years prior) *I* was waxing nostalgic about Jonah Hex.
That’s just not something I ever expected to know.
(We interrupt our intended line of thought with this special announcement.)
I’m rarely at a loss for words, but learning that a full grown man tried to invoke the “stand your ground” defense over his killing of an iguana just has me gobsmacked today.
Today has been filled with a series of odd little out of context moments for me, but nothing tops the text notification I received informing me that my “live indoor snake” had shipped.
Me: I’m just going to change the batteries in L’s candles. *pauses* We live in a weird age!
Okay, this a new one. I’m used to spam and spambots at this point, but I’ve got to admit that today is the first time a spambot has ever tried to talk football with me.
One of my favorite gags in Mystery Men involved the idea of “chicken rentals.” So much so that for a time I included “chicken rentals” on my business cards in the hopes that somebody would ask “Who would want to rent a chicken?“.
Today I learned that chicken rentals are an actual thing. (Apparently a lot of people learned this today and the sites seem to be overloaded, so I’m not including a link here, but you can seriously search for “chicken rentals” yourself and see what I’m talking about.)
What follows starts out as something that was actually said to me recently (albeit paraphrased for clarity), and ends with something completely made up to make it even funnier:
Tipsy Fortuneteller: “You have . . . changed your destiny. Remarkable. You were born to be a sociopath . . . a monster, but you have changed that . . .”
Me: “Go home, Mom. You’re drunk.”
In honor of this week’s unexpected food theme, here’s another food related entry:
A friend of mine was playing around with a new touchscreen order board at a popular American fast food establishment near him when he discovered something . . . odd.
The price of a sausage biscuit was $1.
The price of a regular biscuit though was $1.39, leaving him to wonder if the sausage was somehow subsidizing the biscuit?
When using an electric razor to shave your head, it sounds disturbingly like you are grinding your skull away.
This morning via text L’s Mother tried to congratulate me on replacing a door handle, but for some reason “handle” autocorrected to “hydrangea.” Her response to this was very . . . her:
Seriously? THAT’S what it gets from ‘handle’? Whose vocabulary needs that on autocorrect?
I could only think of one response:
Landscapers?
