I’m Still Looking For It Every Time I Go Outside Now

What made the other day even weirder though is that the day prior I had seen the iguana corpse in my front yard in the morning when I went to check the mail, but it was nowhere to be found when I went to dispose of it later. At the time I figured either the city or one of my neighbors had helpfully cleaned it up, so it was, to put it mildly, a “surprise” to see it return for a guest appearance in my own very special episode of Wild Kingdom the next day.

At least I was less surprised that it had vanished again the second time I tried to dispose of it.

So, Yeah . . . That Happened

Here’s another one for the “Things Like This Really Happen To Me” file:

The other night L’s Mother had a dream that “nature spirits” wanted to get her something for her upcoming birthday. She didn’t tell me this because she didn’t take this terribly seriously because . . . dream, but yesterday evening she found herself thinking, “Well, if they are going to get me something for my birthday, they need to do it soon.”

Cue me walking in with a large blue-green bouncy ball saying, “This just floated down the waterway and stopped at our yard. Maybe it’s a birthday gift from the water spirits . . .”

Social Media Can Tell You Surprising Things Sometimes

Today on this date, according to a shared memory, one of my nieces spent an amazing day riding horses with friends.

Apparently on this same date (albeit some years prior) *I* was waxing nostalgic about Jonah Hex.

That’s just not something I ever expected to know.

Ladies And Gentlemen . . . Welcome To Florida

(We interrupt our intended line of thought with this special announcement.)

I’m rarely at a loss for words, but learning that a full grown man tried to invoke the “stand your ground” defense over his killing of an iguana just has me gobsmacked today.

Fortunately I Knew That L’s Mother Had Recently Ordered Something For Her Snake PLANT

Today has been filled with a series of odd little out of context moments for me, but nothing tops the text notification I received informing me that my “live indoor snake” had shipped.

He Uses Them As Nightlights

Me:  I’m just going to change the batteries in L’s candles.  *pauses*  We live in a weird age!

The A.I. Awakening Edges Ever Closer

Okay, this a new one.  I’m used to spam and spambots at this point, but I’ve got to admit that today is the first time a spambot has ever tried to talk football with me.

Huh

One of my favorite gags in Mystery Men involved the idea of “chicken rentals.”  So much so that for a time I included “chicken rentals” on my business cards in the hopes that somebody would ask “Who would want to rent a chicken?“.

Today I learned that chicken rentals are an actual thing.  (Apparently a lot of people learned this today and the sites seem to be overloaded, so I’m not including a link here, but you can seriously search for “chicken rentals” yourself and see what I’m talking about.)

Yes, Things Like This Really Happen To Me

What follows starts out as something that was actually said to me recently (albeit paraphrased for clarity), and ends with something completely made up to make it even funnier:

Tipsy Fortuneteller:  “You have . . . changed your destiny.  Remarkable.  You were born to be a sociopath . . . a monster, but you have changed that . . .”

Me:  “Go home, Mom.  You’re drunk.”

That’s . . . A Good Question, Actually

In honor of this week’s unexpected food theme, here’s another food related entry:

A friend of mine was playing around with a new touchscreen order board at a popular American fast food establishment near him when he discovered something . . . odd.

The price of a sausage biscuit was $1.

The price of a regular biscuit though was $1.39, leaving him to wonder if the sausage was somehow subsidizing the biscuit?