Posts Tagged ‘Parenthood’

You Have A Gift For Understatement, Son

August 17, 2017

“I’m feeling unnormal,” my son told me last night as I was tucking him in.

“‘Unnormal?'” I asked.  “Does that mean you’ll be going to sleep easily tonight or what?”

He then proceeded to answer me by spewing over half his bed and a good portion of the floor next to it.

(He seems to be fine, by the way.  Just another entry in the cavalcade of life, but if you hear me using the term “unnormal” in the near future, this event is probably why.)


Me: Exactly!

August 16, 2017

My son, L. (six years old),  while working on a school worksheet:  These really are tricky letters!

Me:  Yep.  Definitely truth in advertising on this one.

L.:  There is truth in advertising.

Me:  Well . . . not always, but in this case, yes.

L.:  There is truth . . . and there is advertising.

So I’m Obviously Feeling A Bit Better

August 11, 2017

And just what do you think you’re doing?  You know I’m still not feeling one hundred percent, and you picked now to start trying to tussle with me?!  It shall avail you naught, varlet!

– My response to my son attempting to pounce me in my chair right before the tickling match started.  (Full disclosure:  The above quote wasn’t exact at first, but captured the spirit of my initial reaction, so I lured him into a quick rematch so I could say those exact words.  The things I’ll do in the name of accuracy . . .)

Pretty Slick There, Son

July 27, 2017

I . . . am going to have oatmeal, but I haven’t had it yet.”

– My six-year-old son’s response to his mother asking him what he had for breakfast right after I had (unbeknownst to him) told her that his first meal of the day had been potato chips.  (Let the record reflect that he did indeed have oatmeal not long after this.)

Lead Into Gold Is Easy By Comparison

July 26, 2017

The transformative power of love is truly an incredible thing.  For instance, this morning it transformed my thought of “If you don’t stop with the imaginary trumpet noises, I’m going to imagine folding it into sharp corners and shoving it somewhere the sun don’t shine,” into the words, “Good morning to you too, son.”

A Holiday Observation From The Perspective Of Parenthood

July 4, 2017

After a while a child’s noises, be they of excitement, frustration, griping, or what have you, all start to sound the same . . .

But I’m Going To Put Mine On Now

May 25, 2017

Today is my son’s last day of kindergarten, and I’m feeling . . . maudlin, not because time continues to pass, but because he is profoundly unimpressed by this day.

Up to a point, I understand.  I’m not one to enjoy pomp and circumstance myself (I remember arguing with my parents about me not wanting to “bother” with attending my high school graduation ceremony.), but we both walked a hard road together, son, and it’s okay to acknowledge that fact.

And, again, no, you don’t “have to” wear the party hat.

And That’s Exactly What Happened Too

May 24, 2017

You know what the worst part of when your child spills ice water down your pants leg and ice ends up in your shoe is?  It’s that you know it’s only a matter of time before somebody asks you if you can get them more water!

Current Parenting Challenge Level: Advanced

May 12, 2017

Parenting Challenge, Basic:  Figure out how to get your work done on time with your child around.

Parenting Challenge, Intermediate:  Figure out how to get your work done on time with your child “helping” you.

Parenting Challenge, Advanced:  Figure out how to get your work done on time while pretending to still be asleep so your child can finish preparing their “surprise” party for you.

Something I Never Said Before Becoming A Parent

May 5, 2017

“I either need the chance to eat . . . or to finish a sentence.  Either one will do.”