Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

Yet Another Tip You Won’t Read In A Book About Parenting

December 31, 2021

Nothing brings a parent and child closer faster than embarking on a mutual conspiracy against the other parent.

My Parenting Experience This Week In A Nutshell

April 19, 2019

Mr. Furious (AKA “My Son”):  Why am I doing this again?

The Sphinx (AKA “Me”):  When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.

Mr. Furious:  And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?

The Sphinx: I don’t remember telling you to do that.

– Mystery Men

Yesterday’s Parenting Experience.

November 15, 2018

Me:  Okay, kiddo, it’s been one of those days, so I’m going to lie down for just a bit while this headache passes.  Get me if you need me, of course, but try to keep in mind that I need to rest as best I can.

L:  Okay!

(A few minutes later.)

L:  *opening door*  Dad?

Me:  *opening eyes*  Yes?

L:  Isa went poo on the pad, but I cleaned it up for you so you didn’t have to.

Me:  Thank you!  But why are you waking me up to tell me this now?

L:  I can’t find her treats for being a good girl.

Me:  They’re in the office.

L:  Okay!  *shuts door*

(Less than a minute later.)

L: *opening door*  Where in the office?

Me: *eyes already open because I’d been waiting for this*  Left of the trampoline.

L:  Okay! *shuts door*

(A few minutes later.  Just enough time to lull me into a false sense of security.)

L:  *opening door*  Dad?

Me:  *opening eyes*  Yes?

L:  Isa had more poo, but this time it made me sick and I threw up in the bathroom.

Me:  *getting out of bed*  Well . . . your heart was in the right place; too bad your stomach wasn’t.

“No, Mom, I DON’T Need To Put On Socks, But I Assure You That I Know Where To Find Them If That Should Change.”

January 4, 2016

I realize this is a very “Dad” parenting decision, but I just see no need to argue with my son over if he needs to put on warmer clothes.  If he gets cold enough, he’ll put on warmer clothes, end of discussion.

I wonder where I got that idea from . . .

That! That Right THERE Is The Essence Of My Parenting Experience Right Now!

April 30, 2015

Today my four-year-old son asked for a pancake for breakfast, so I reluctantly prepped him one.  I did so “reluctantly” because I know he prefers the strawberry ones (we keep some premade pancakes around for breakfast emergencies), but all I saw were chocolate.  Predictably, he took one bite and started complaining (vehemently and at great length) that they weren’t strawberry.  I told him that was the only kind we had, and that if we had any strawberry ones, I would have made him a strawberry one, and then to end the argument, I doubled checked once again that we were indeed out of the strawberry ones.

Then I found some.

“Huh,” I said.  “Sorry about that, slugger.  I don’t know how I missed them, but we do have some strawberry pancakes left after all.  Would you like me to make you one?”

“After I finish my chocolate one,” he said as he shoved a big bite in his mouth.

Another One

March 16, 2015

Annnnd today’s parenting tip is as soon as you think to yourself, “I should probably move that,” move it!  Don’t tell yourself it’ll be fine for “just a moment,” just move it!

I lost a coffee mug over the weekend by not doing this . . .

Guard Your Face And Groin In Particular

January 17, 2014

I’ve alluded to this before, but it’s time to say it specifically:

Something that nobody (but me) warns you about before you become a parent is just how much of your attention you’ll end up devoting ensuring that your child doesn’t hurt you too badly.

And no, I do not mean emotionally.

Again, She’s Fine . . . Really

January 3, 2014

One of the biggest challenges of sitting down to write is learning how to tune out distractions like the cries of the one-eyed woman in the other room who is upset just because she had two eyes before she agreed to play with the three-year-old so you could get some work done.

(She’s fine, but seriously, watch out for errant claws when playing with children.)

Something I Learned The Hard Way

January 2, 2014

Before I forget to record this for posterity, it should be noted that Mega Bloks designed for toddlers hurt so much less than Duplos when you step on them.

Phoning It In

September 20, 2013

Unless your child is on the other end of the line, you simply can not parent while on the phone.