Posts Tagged ‘Pictures’

“Now Bother Me No More For This Day”

September 21, 2022

Some years back (as social media helpfully reminded me today) I took a picture of my then toddler son looking suddenly exhausted right after he had managed to smear green cupcake frosting all over the lower half of his face. (I knew the cupcake was too big for him, but I dramatically underestimated the amount of mess he would make.)

But it was the caption I added to said picture that made me chuckle, because it’s a phrase I’ve revisited from time to time over the years since:

“Life . . . she is the mystery understood only by the clown of ennui.”

So That’s A “No” To Your Request

April 17, 2020

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of “post your senior pictures” requests on social media.  I dislike revealing weakness or sociopathy in public, but it seems I’m going to have to address this, so let’s see . . . how should I put it?

I detest all pictures of me, no exceptions, but there is a spectrum involved.  The positive end of that spectrum starts with, “I can tolerate this picture’s existence if I must,” and it ends with me foaming at the mouth, champing at the bit for the day my promise to my mother is no longer binding and I can turn those abominations into the smoke and ash I’ve dreamt of them being for years, and ideally I can use the burning hatred of a thousand thousand stars to start the flame.

And this is me understating my feelings on the matter.

Because That’s Exactly What I Was Thinking

May 15, 2019

While reviewing the latest vacations pics, even *I* was struck by how much my expression in the pictures I consented to be in (or couldn’t avoid being in) said “I’m humoring you . . . but don’t push it.”.

There’s a reason for that.

Not Even REMOTELY What I Meant!

July 19, 2018

Noting that her hair looked particularly good one day, L’s Mother asked me to take a picture of her; pleased with the results, she decided to use said picture to update her work profile picture.  Personally I felt the picture, while technically fine, didn’t really capture her . . . . essence, for lack of a better word, so later on I mentioned I didn’t care for the picture because it “didn’t look like her” to me.

This prompted her to burst into peals of laughter.

Suspicious and wary, but still needing to know, I asked her what was so funny.

Still laughing, she gasped, “Everyone at the office today told me they liked it because it made me look pretty!”

Things You Notice After You Start Shaving Your Head

April 10, 2017

Me:  *silently staring in obvious disapproval at a picture of myself*

Someone else:  What?

Me:  My head has five o’clock shadow . . .

Pregnancy Is Making Her A Little Foggy Right Now

April 13, 2016

While I contemplate the L. Naming Issue, here’s a quick interlude:

“Pictures are magic,” L’s Mother announced as she admired a painting last night.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Pictures, paintings, drawings, animation . . .” she clarified.  “All magic because they’re things I can’t do just like going to the grocery store and remembering everything I meant to pick up there.”

Come To Think, I React The Same Way To Someone Telling ME To Smile Too

October 16, 2013

I should prelude this by explaining that whenever L. and I are watching videos on YouTube, I frequently end up telling him to “ignore the ad.”  Being two, he almost as frequently tells me to “ignore the ad,” but I had my doubts he really understood what he was saying.

Until yesterday.  (Yes, I should have known better.)

Lala had taken L. to the playground, you see, and was trying to get him to pose for a picture, and I’m told the exchange went something like this:

Lala:  “Hold still, I wanna take your picture.  Smiiiiile!”

L.:  (Walking on by without looking up.)  “Ignore the Lala.”

The Odds You Want To Beat

September 26, 2013

I remember the days when I used to look at a picture of a girl posing in a certain way(1) with her boyfriend or the like, then wondering if it was unfair how often my first reaction tended to be “He looks like such a [original word censored and replaced with the milder term “jerk”]!  These days I wonder no longer.

These days I know I’m just playing the odds.


(1)  I can’t really precisely define this poise . . . but it usually includes things like looking a touch over clingy, a smile a little too big or a little to stiff to be natural, and/or a happy looking expression that doesn’t quite reach the eyes.