Posts Tagged ‘Puns’

She Actually Swore At Me For That One, So I Know She Appreciated It

November 27, 2019

To put it simply, L’s Mother likes talking about food, and I prefer eating food to talking about it.  Even so, I do my best to stay engaged when she’s on the topic, and that’s no joke, but the longer the conversation goes on, the more likely it becomes that a joke will be told.

L’s Mother forget this recently, and was completely unprepared when I said, “Speaking of tempeh, the other day I read that someone is trying to create a tempeh-derived milk substitute.  They’ve had a promising start, but it may be years before they get a viable final product.”

“Really?” L’s Mother asked me.

“Yes, really,” I assured her.  “It could happen someday, but right now it’s a long, long way to tempeh-dairy.”

I’d Hoped At Least One Of Them Would Say “Wait . . . What?”

November 20, 2019

Last night when I warned Lala and L’s Mother that it was going to get a little cool (relatively speaking) in the “ennui” hours of the morning, it actively bothered me they both instantly knew what I was talking about.

I Woke Up Thinking This Today. I REALLY Hope I Read It Somewhere

March 27, 2019

How do church towers in Ireland lose weight?

They go on a “bell fast.”

Groan All You Want, I’m Proud Of That One

October 30, 2017

And to start the week, one of my jokes:

The other night we were having penne for dinner, and L’s Mother asked him what he thought of it.

“It’s good,” he said.

“It’s the last from that bulk mix of pastas I bought a while back,” she told him.  “Since you like it, I’ll be sure to buy more.”

“In other words,” I interjected.  “In for a penne, in for a pound.”

I Walked Into That One So Hard My Nose STILL Hurts

October 27, 2017

And to wrap up the week, a quick joke from my son:

We were going over some of his classwork earlier this week, and I made the mistake of telling him that something was the “same principle” as something else.

“Of course it’s the same principle!” he said with a grin.  “Every school only has one principal, you know.”

Here’s Looking At You, Kid

September 5, 2016

Several people have pointed out to me that the Pokémon Go craze in this household won’t last forever, and that’s certainly true.

But we’ll always have Paras.

I Never Forget These Things

July 19, 2016

Last night Lala tried port wine for the first time and announced, “I wasn’t so sure about this port, but I’d heard that starboard was good, so I wanted to try it.”

Now I like a good pun as much as the next guy, but I thought this was a bit much coming from the person who didn’t like my molasses pun.

I Wasn’t Braced Enough

March 16, 2016

In response to yesterday’s question regarding the Ides of March, I got few answers, but several jokes.  The worst one was a suggestion that I celebrate the day by eating a doughnut or, even better, that I should “eat two, Brute.”

The worst one, that is, until I shared that joke with L’s Mother.

“I would think crème brûlée would be more appropriate so you could ‘eat two, brûlée,'” she remarked after some quiet consideration.  I knew something bad was about to happen though when she added, “But only if it’s done with a Spanish flair.”

“Why?” I asked her as I braced myself.

“Because,” she responded, the very picture of innocence, “Brûlée is an honorable flan.”

Yet Another Reason I’m Ready For This Flu Season To Be Over

February 17, 2016

In the past couple of weeks I have written and received so many rain checks that I could start my own cloud bank . . .

Today’s Random Bit Of Silliness

March 5, 2015

I don’t yet know what I’m going to do with the name “Egregious I” (a phrase supplied to me via L’s Mother’s phone’s autocorrect), but I’m going to do something with it.

As a band name I think it stands as is, but as a supervillain name I think it flows better as “The Egregious Eye” . . . unless of course their power is the ability to force people to subconsciously vote in favor of flagrantly awful measures on the ballot before them.  In that case it would have to be:

(Drum roll please.)

“The Egregious Aye.”