Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

And That’s When I Knew Her Day Was REALLY Bad

June 14, 2022

L’s Mother: I’m not having a good day, and I also don’t feel well, so I’m going to take a bath while I’ve got the chance.

Me: (Knowing that we’ve had lightning strikes in our area recently.) Would you like me to check the weather for you first so you don’t get electrocuted and die?

L’s Mother: *pauses just a little too long before answering*

Because I Learn From My Mistakes

June 2, 2022

“My eye is a little red today,” L’s Mother announced a few days back.

Then I noticed she was wearing a red top.

I like what you’re wearing,” I told her.

And I Consider Being Able To Breathe One Of The Best Parts Of Waking Up

May 26, 2022

“Oh nooooo!” I heard L’s Mother exclaim from the kitchen this morning, and from her tone I knew she’d noticed that I was using the coffee maker.

“Relax,” I assured her as I walked into the kitchen. “I slept well and feel fine, I just woke up a little stuffy.”

And This Is True Understanding (And It Was Her Stomach)

May 24, 2022

“I’ve been awake and productive since 6 A.M.” L’s Mother announced this morning.

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “Was it your stomach?”

That’s True Love Right There

May 23, 2022

This morning L’s Mother looked at the breakfast I had worked hard to prepare for myself, and she expressed a temptation to steal it even though it wasn’t on her diet.

And I looked at her, and at that moment I realized *I* was tempted to not kill her if she tried.

She Was So Happy She Got One That She Included A Fist Pump With Her “Yes!”

April 27, 2022

My son and I are currently studying (to use the vernacular) “Eastern” history and culture, and an especially patriarchal period of one culture had a list of seven reasons when a daughter-in-law or wife could be disowned. (I’m not calling this culture out by name because many, many cultures all around our globe throughout history have had similar attitudes, albeit not always quite so specifically stated.) Before hearing the list, I turned to my son and facetiously asked him how many of those reasons he thought might apply to his mother (who is a very independent person).

He wisely declined to answer, but when I told his mother this, her response was a hopeful, “Did I get all seven?”

“No,” I had to tell her. “I’m sure you would disobey your parents-in-law if you felt the need, but they’ve never ordered you to do anything, so that’s never come up. You’ve borne a male heir and you’re one of the least jealous people I know, so neither of those apply, and neither do adultery, stealing, or having an incurable disease. ‘Talkative,’ on the other hand . . .”

It Didn’t Bother Me Any More After That

March 9, 2022

It’s happened several times in my life (fortunately, not recently). That moment when I woke up (probably later than I should have) and realized that I didn’t like how I was being treated in a relationship (be it a job, a friendship, or a more personal relationship), and things weren’t going to get any better. The first significant time this happened to me (regarding a job) the advice I was given was, “Don’t let it bother you.”

I didn’t take this advice very kindly at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw the wisdom in it.

So I quit.

L. Was The One Who Pointed Out She’d Gotten The Date Wrong

March 2, 2022

It was easy for me to remember my anniversary this year because L’s Mother helpfully marked it on the calendar . . . incorrectly, but she did mark it.

Yeah, That’s Why I Called Her That

February 28, 2022

Over the weekend I had to call the bank to authorize a fund transfer (nothing grandiose, it was basically just to authorize a savings account with delusions of grandeur). Since L’s Mother had done the bulk of the set-up on this one, when the customer service rep asked me how we wanted to handle the transaction fee, I told her I needed to consult my “financial advisor,” and the rep chuckled politely as I handed the phone over to L’s Mother. L’s Mother informed the rep that she’d get that information, and to give her “one moment, please,” unconsciously slipping into her best professional phone voice as she did so.

There was a stunned pause, and then the rep, recognizing the signs of someone long accustomed to dealing with numbers and people over the phone, blurted out, “She really is your financial advisor!”

I’m Going To Mark That One In The “Maybe” Column

February 25, 2022

“You look like an alien!” I told L’s Mother this morning after being startled by the unnatural sheen coming from whatever product she had coated her entire face with.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. You don’t know,” she replied.

Not long after that, once the product had dried and she’d removed it, she came into the room to show me that, “Look! I peeled off my entire face!”