Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Her Response: “Well . . . YEAH!”

August 3, 2017

It turns out that a while back someone asked my wife and one of her coworkers what the secret of a successful marriage was.  The coworker stressed the importance of harmony and that the wife should tend to all the husband’s needs, wants, and comforts.

It was at this point in the story that I interrupted my wife’s telling to laugh and observe that “Clearly your philosophy is different!”


Sometimes It’s All In The Framing

April 21, 2017

After a couple of hours of struggling to keep my son on track for today’s schoolwork, I finally got the chance to pour myself a cup from the pot of coffee that had been brewed fresh around the time the day’s conflict had begun.  Instead of a stream of coffee, however, I was rewarded with a drizzle.

“Really?”  I sighed.  “All that work and my reward is coffee dregs?”  I sighed again, then added without enthusiasm, “Yay, fatherhood.”

At this point L’s mother beckoned me over and made a gesture that is really none of your business.  Suffice it to say that once I caught my breath again, I managed a far more enthusiastic “Yay, fatherhood!” and got on with my day.

Sometimes It’s Just The Right Thing To Say (And Of Course I DID Promise)

March 24, 2017

L’s Mother and I haven’t had much time for each other lately with all of us being some degree of under the weather . . . and because L. is six.  In fact, last night she was bemoaning this fact, so I gently pulled her into my arms and assured her that soon we’d all be feeling better again and that she’d be [Censored.  SERIOUSLY Censored.  Whatever you think I might have said here, it’s probably tame in comparison to what I actually said!] in no time.

Now I’m pretty good at gauging my audience, but I wasn’t 100% sure I’d said the right thing until I saw her eyes mist over as she smiled at me and asked, “Really?!  Promise?!”

I’ve Always Wanted To Say That To Someone

March 6, 2017

I’ve heard that some people like to introduce role-play into their relationships from time to time.  (Mental note:  Pick up  the Alan Scott cape from the drycleaners, then check on how much it would cost to get the mandolin retuned.  Remember to delete this note before posting.*)  I’ve even heard that some people like to do this in public, so when I saw an opportunity to try this with L’s Mother in the grocery store the other day, I decided to give it a try.

Moving the cart up close to her, I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Lady, would you please just get the hell out of my way?!”

It was strangely satisfying.


*  I’m kidding . . . the mandolin doesn’t really need to be retuned.

So Don’t Worry, She’s Ahead On Points

August 4, 2016

Now if any of you out there felt I was being a tad . . . unrelenting on L’s Mother last week, rest assured that she got her own back.  (She always does.)

Last Friday she came in looking about as worn down as I’ve ever seen her, and she confessed to me that she had just been “faking it” the entire day.

She then smirked and informed me that if I played my cards right, I “could be a part of that later in the evening.”

Well . . . She Should Have Been Clear That She Meant That You ORDER It Online

July 29, 2016

The same conversation with L’s Mother that sparked my dating “wisdom” comment also featured the following interaction:

Her:  I thinking about using an online test for a particular vitamin deficiency.  It’s supposed to be pretty good.

Me:  Okay.

Her:  It’s simple too.  You’ll know if you have the vitamin deficiency depending on if you can taste something or not.

Me:  Wait . . . you said “online,” right?  What are you supposed to do, lick the screen?

Her:  (Deadpan) Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

“Wisdom” Might Be Overstating It

July 27, 2016

Last night L’s Mother asked me if I could do her a favor.

“Sure,” I said.

She then proceeded to tell me at some length about why she needed the favor, how important it was to her, how much she appreciated me doing this for her, and so on.

“Honey,” I finally interjected.  “Let me share with you a bit of wisdom I learned back from when I was dating.  Once someone says yes, it’s a good idea to stop talking.”

Now If I Could Just Find The Red Die

July 15, 2016

There’s a reason I don’t hold too tightly to the idea of “I know what I saw, and what I saw was real, end of discussion!”, and today I got a fresh reminder of why that is.

My son was looking for some missing dice, particularly a red one, so I checked the dice bag and saw a red die inside the dark bag.  Because I was in a hurry, without looking I set the “red” die beside the other dice and moved on, only to be called back because the red die was still missing.

“I sat it with the others,” I called out.  “Just look.”

“He’s right,” L’s Mother chimed in.  “There’s an orange die here now, but no red one.”

For some households, this would have been the beginning of a fight, but I had a suspicion of what had happened, and sure enough, the orange die looked demonstrably red when it was at the bottom of the dark dice bag.

Even If The Answer Is Just “Stop Hanging Out With Jerks”

September 28, 2015

As a conversation with someone reminded me last night, there can be lots of reasons why relationships don’t work out, but the only certain commonalty between all your relationships is you.  The more the same things keep happening to you with different people, beyond a certain point it’s time to start asking yourself what you need to start doing differently . . .

This Sentiment Drives Me Insane

August 12, 2015

If somebody were to tell you, “You have such a nice car that I just want to keep it in my garage because I can’t stand the idea of anyone else even looking at it!”, you’d almost certainly think they were crazy, right?

So when somebody talks about you like that, don’t take it like a compliment!