But Since It Wouldn’t Stop Me, I Never Do

Today I spent some time poking around on some of the earlier entries I’d written on this site.

Let the record reflect that, yes, sometimes I’m so glib that even I briefly consider punching myself in the face.

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Musings Upon My Current Quandary

*mentally sighing*  I’d pay a lot to not have to deal with this.  Wait . . . I already have, and that hasn’t worked out so well.

I’ve Been Struggling With That My Whole Life, Which Includes The Entire Time She’s Known Me

Last night L’s Mother had an ephipheny.  I’d just finished saying that I needed someone (not her) to stop telling me that I was going to react in a certain way, because it was only making me defensive and therefore less likely that I would react in the way they wanted, when L’s Mother looked at me and said, “I just realized something; you are innately defiant!”.

I have to admit, her saying that to me shook me to my very core.  “You mean you just figured that out now?” I asked in genuine utter disbelief.

Because That’s How I Learned Not To Do It Anymore

I don’t believe in “Do as I say, not as I do,” but sometimes I have to admit that I’ve had to use “Do as I say, not as I did.”

I’ve Been Working On My “Person Skills” Ever Since

I spent the better part of my life believing I was a terrible person before I realized I wasn’t a terrible person, just an unskilled one.

Now What Was I Supposed To Do Again Today? Oh, Hey, That Looks Interesting . . .

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

– Zen Proverb

When the student is not ready, distractions will appear.

– My personal addendum

Time To Find Some New Tricks

I’ve never really counted, but I’m pretty sure I easily have dozens of methods and tricks to help me with motivation and focus.

Today not even a single one of them has worked yet.

I’m Off To A Good Start

This year I resolve to have more calories, more sweets, more self-indulgence, and more self honesty.

Of Course It’s Still Early Yet

For someone so dedicated to the concept of “if you can’t make it better, at least don’t make it worse,” I have a lousy track record, particularly as a parent.  On the plus side though, I have managed over time to gradually increase my number of successes, and this morning was one of those all too rare successes.

That Just Wouldn’t Work

Yesterday it came up in conversation that someone Lala knows makes it a habit to say “I love you,” to all her friends.

“I couldn’t do that,” I admitted.

“Why not?” Lala asked.

“Put simply,” I replied, “because by my definition of love, I don’t love all my friends.  Some I do, but some I just like, and I’m there for all of them whenever I can be because that’s what friendship is to me, but love them all I do not.”

Lala seemed kind of saddened by this, and it’s not like I consider it ideal myself, but that’s the honest truth of the matter.  I would like it someday if I could be the type of person who genuinely loves everyone, but I’m never going to get to be that person by lying about it.