Posts Tagged ‘Snark’

Either Way I Regret Nothing (PG-13ish)

July 10, 2018

Warning Sign I Saw On The Back Of A Semi:  “Cover and secure your load.”

Me:  “Birth control ads are everywhere these days!”  (Okay, what I actually said was  “Do you want pregnancies?  Because that’s how you get pregnancies!”, but I was playing to a particular audience.)

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I Wonder Why They Don’t All Do That? Oh, Wait . . . They Do!

July 6, 2018

I just saw a political ad and the guy must be honest because it said so on his label, right?

An Ill Wind Blows Today

June 22, 2018

Arguing nutrition with a child is as effective as arguing meteorology with a hurricane.

I Learned That From A Political Ventriloquist

June 19, 2018

Just because the old adage of “You can always tell when a politician is lying because their lips are moving” has technically become outdated in the age of social media (assuming they are capable of typing without moving their lips – a trick I’m not convinced all of them can pull off, truth be told),  doesn’t make the core idea of the adage any less valid.

On The Other Hand, Nobody Has Ever Criticized My Singing While I Was Swinging A Battle-ax Around

June 18, 2018

Something that caught my eye while checking my social media feed:  “Grab your ax and come sing us the song of your people!!”

Me (thinking):  Now, you see, that right there . . . that is an excellent example of exactly the sort of thing you should never say to me!

Do Pod People Even Come In A “Healthy Living” Variety?

May 21, 2018

Technically the last day of school for us is tomorrow, but all assignments having been turned in, tomorrow is really more of a celebration day than a school day.  With little for us to do today but fill the time waiting, I figured my son would want to goof off.

Instead he asked me to jog around the house ten times with him as part of his new “healthy living” summer program.  Which I did.

But I’m still confused.

 

 

It’s Not Like She Was A Personal Friend Of Spartacus, So It Can’t Possibly Be “Too Soon,” Right?

May 10, 2018

The other day I got L’s Mother to look at me in horror just by making a simple (and I thought logical) observation as we drove past a metal cross that easily towered twenty to thirty feet above the highway.

All I said was, “They must get really big criminals in this area . . .”

But I’m Glad I Tried It

May 8, 2018

I tried the gray stuff, it was . . . okay.

“Lumiere oversells it,”

So the dishes say.

But That’s What They Get For Asking Me A Question Like That

May 7, 2018

The other day I was asked if I was over 18.

After giving it some thought I answered, “Yes . . . yes, I am.  I am so over even the very idea of eighteen that it actually surprises me a little.  Thanks for asking.”

That wasn’t what they meant.

This Conversation Got Old Fast

April 25, 2018

As further proof that I’m currently hovering around a particular stress level, yesterday somebody made the mistake of trying to play the “Let me guess your age” game with me when I was just not in the mood:

Them:  “Why won’t you tell me your age?”

Me:  “Because I don’t dwell on my age.”  (But thinking Because, stranger, it’s none of your damn business!)

Them:  “I’m going to guess then.”

Me:  “You can guess if you want.”

Them:  “The starting digit . . . 2 or 3?”

Me:  (Thinking Nice try with the lowball there, but no cigar.)  “The starting digit was zero, just like everybody else’s.”