So I’m Doubling His Salary And Taking The Rest Of The Day Off So I Don’t Fire Him

While I’ve been trying to come up with something to write here today, my editor (i.e., my son) has pointed out not one, but two errors I made in previous posts.

I’m Kidding, But I DID Amuse Myself For A Bit By Asking Where That Voice Was Coming From When She Tried Talking To Me Right After That

“Just handle the situation the way you would as if I weren’t around at all,” L’s mother told me the other day.

So I ignored it.

So I’m Getting Some Business Cards Printed Up

So yesterday somebody posted one of those “Find Your Offensive St. Patrick’s Day Name” name generators on my social media feed, and I had a few moments, so I checked and saw that my generated name was beyond anything I was prepared for even knowing the name was supposed to be “offensive.”

I mean, this was a name that could only appeal to a drunk and hor. . . monal teenager who was at the stage of intoxication that everything is funny (especially the stuff that isn’t) and the delusion has set in that whatever they say will come across as witty and charming, and there is simply no way I am going to ever post or even say that name in public!

I Hoped He At Least WORKED There!

“Please take any of these carts; they have all been personally wiped down by me,” the guy at the grocery store told me this morning.

Yuck! I thought.  That would explain the dampness . . .

This Isn’t Just A Joke Either

The other day I overheard someone talking about an unnamed politician who was “obviously incompetent and getting worse every day,” and I realized that didn’t narrow the field down enough for me to know who they were talking about.

At Least That Had BETTER Be What They Meant

The other day it came up in conversation that I’m currently studying the Hawaiian language.  It’s nothing serious, just something I poke at here and there (Poké pun unintentional in this case), so I wasn’t prepared when someone boggled at me.

“You mean that you’re studying a new language at your age?!”  (I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that what they meant was that most people study languages when they are in school or college, and I am admittedly above the average age for a college attendee.)

“Don’t be ridiculous!” I snorted.  “I started a year ago.”

So I Guess What I Said Remains Technically True For Today

Last night I was asked where I get my ideas, and I replied they come from any number of sources.

Today I am reminded that zero can be included in the category of “any number.”

I Should Feel Better After Some Sleep Tonight

Fortunately for my self-image, I know I’m not always this dour, but today my processing filter seems to be “Things I don’t care about,” “Things other people think I should care about, but I don’t care,” and “Things I know I should care about, but right at this moment I don’t care.”

That’s Probably Even A Real Thing Too

My thoughts on overhearing someone ordering a “Snap Decision” from the bar today:  I wonder what you chase a “Snap Decision” with?  My money is on an “Instant Regret.”

It’s Obvious I’m Kidding, Right?

I always wanted to join the marching band as a kid, but my mother never supported me.  “Robert, you’re just not good enough,” she told me.  “You’re too delicate,” she told me.  “Nobody in their right mind tries to play the pipe organ in a marching band,” she told me . . .