Posts Tagged ‘Snark’

It Just Leaves Me Cold

January 27, 2022

Last week I flippantly told someone that the world of legal documents “wasn’t my world,” and the more I thought about it, the less flippant it sounded to me. A world where you have to spend twenty or so minutes with a notary signing document after document is as alien to me as life in an Arctic research station. I know some people do it, and I know I could do it if I had to, but I’d have to have a powerful reason to do so, and I doubt I’d ever like it.

It Really Is

January 19, 2022

“I’m not happy with you,” I told our dog, Isa, last night after she had been especially obnoxious while the rest of us ate dinner. (She eats after we do because if she eats before we do, she’s still incorrigibly obnoxious and is dramatically less inclined to behave because the treat I give her after our dinner if she does behave is less appealing.) “But I’m still going to feed you, of course,” I added as I left the dinner table to prep her food.

Halfway to her bowl I paused to glance over my shoulder at the rest of the family, and slyly said, “It’s amazing how often I’ve had that thought in my life, you know.”

I Knew It Was Only A Matter Of Time

January 18, 2022

According to my Fitbit, I got seven hours of good sleep last night.

Well . . . it’s official, technology is now sophisticated enough to lie.

She Won That Round, But There’ll Be Others

January 14, 2022

Knowing that I was feeling exhausted last night after a long day, L’s Mother made a show of awkwardly patting my shoulder. “I wanted to make a gesture,” she explained with a grin.

Smirking, I retorted with, “And now I’m feeling inspired to make a gesture of my own.”

Before I could make good on that threat with an appropriately rude gesture, however, her eyes got big and she cooed, “Aw! I can still inspire you!”

Maybe It’s Off Picking Me Up Some Pie In The Sky

January 7, 2022

I know it’s a meme and all, but seriously . . .

Where is my flying car?

Somebody Wake Me When It’s 2023

January 3, 2022

It’s one thing to not be ready for the start of a new day or even a new week, but it’s quite another thing to not be ready for the start of a new year.

Three Times If It’s “Just” Blackmail

December 16, 2021

Look, I know I have a cynical streak big enough to function as an aircraft carrier in a pinch, and I really, really want to believe all the heartwarming holiday sentiment I see this time of year is genuine, but even so, there are times I feel perfectly justified in my first thought being, “That’s nice. Now blink once if they’ve got a gun on you, and twice if they’re holding another hostage . . .”

“Yes”

December 13, 2021

Recently I did the “Oh, by the way, these are my sites” thing to someone after they had known me long enough to express frustration about how difficult I am to get to know, and since I specifically started this blog so people could get to know me better, it seemed like a logical thing to do.

Also logically, after reading some of it, today she asked me (and I’m blatantly paraphrasing for comedic effect here), “Am I crazy, or are some of those entries inspired by me?”

Spoken From Experience

December 8, 2021

Just because you understand trajectories doesn’t mean you’re good at pool.

I’m Not Sure What’s Going To Happen Next

December 3, 2021

Today my son reprimanded me for playing my music too loud.

He wasn’t wrong (it was that kind of song), but I still feel like a fundamental balance of the universe has been disrupted.