Posts Tagged ‘Snark’

Sometimes You Need To Consider The Alternatives

January 10, 2019

“They keep playing ‘encouragement’ songs in my class!” my son complained today.

“Would you prefer they play discouragement songs about what a terrible day it’s going to be and how nothing is going to go right?” I asked him.

“No!” he laughed.

“There you go then,” I told him.

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Because I Get Nervous When People Talk About What They DON’T Do Instead Of What They Do Do

January 3, 2019

I may be the only person who sees a label that says “Animal cruelty free” and mentally adds, “But we torture the **** out of plants and humans!”.

Overheard While L. And Lala Were Playing Chess

December 24, 2018

Lala: (after L. had taken her pawn)  Bye, pawn!

L:  You know what they say, “let ‘bye pawns’ be ‘bye pawns‘”.

You Have To Think Of These Things When You’re Planning How To Use Space

December 19, 2018

We’re finally getting the chance around here to put our (literal) house back in order in the wake of the three months of construction work, so today Lala asked me if she could make recovering the hall closet her day’s project.

“That depends,” I answered.  “What do you intend to do with it?”

“Turn it back into a linen closet,” she replied.

“Perfect,” I said.  “I just didn’t want to tell you to go ahead and find out after the fact that you were using it to store . . . I don’t know . . .”

“Bodies!” she suggested.

“Yes, exactly!  That closet would be terrible for storing bodies in!”

“I thought it would be perfect,” she said with a facetious pout.

“Well you’re wrong then,” I told her.  “It’s too narrow for a start, and you’d have to chop the bodies up to fit them on the shelves and that would be a huge mess!”

Five Minutes In And I Was Asking For Peanuts

December 18, 2018

So while the vacation was good, like I said yesterday, we all got frustrated at points.  One of the most notable times for me was when I bellied up to the poolside bar for some downtime, and quickly (not to mention unwillingly) made the acquaintance of a gentlemen suffering from the unfortunate condition of not being able to not talk at length about how great he was.  Two minutes in and I found myself thinking about the scene from the movie Daredevil where Bullseye flips a peanut into a chatty woman’s throat to make her stop talking.

Words Overheard On A Drizzly Day

December 14, 2018

There’s nothing worse for me in the world than to be wet.

– Spoken by someone who presumably has never been on fire.

Thoughts While Listening To An Ad The Other Day

December 12, 2018

Ad:  Blah, blah.  Blah blah blah.

Me:  Yeah . . . not going to happen.  The lines are going to be terrible!

Ad:  Blah blah blah blah!

Me:  You can try and put all the positive spin on it you like, but it’s still going to be hours of standing around for a disappointing payout.

Ad:  “It’s all waiting here for you!”

Me:  And the “all waiting” part is why I don’t want to go.

Because It Really Could Be Worse

November 23, 2018

I could try to be funnier about this, but, bluntly, this is one of those days I’m just thankful I don’t feel any worse.

And If You’ve Only Just Now Gotten That Song Out Of Your Head, You’re Welcome

November 12, 2018

This is the work that never ends; yes, it goes on and on my friends . . .

Because To Me They Are CLEARLY “Less Invisible” Than They Were A Moment Before, Now Aren’t They?

November 6, 2018

An ever increasing number of years ago I failed a question on an English test by asserting that “less invisible” was proper grammar.  I was told since something was either invisible or it wasn’t, there was simply no way for it to be less so, end of discussion.

So I didn’t discuss it . . . with the instructor.  I know a losing battle when I see one.

But to this day whenever I see someone or something invisible in movies or on TV have their position revealed by their footprints, or by steam, or by something being splattered on them, or however it happens . . . I always chuckle.