Posts Tagged ‘Snark’

Then I’d Hang Up

September 4, 2018

On one hand I feel like modern parenthood has become too much about “Can you believe what that parent did?”, on the other hand, if my child called me at work asking me if I’d bring them a bottle of spring water because they didn’t like the water at their school, I’d tell them to ask their cockroach father.

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This One Is For My Son

August 23, 2018

One of my son’s biggest gripes about school is their overuse of “motivational” phrases.  Even when he doesn’t agree with the phrases, he understands why they use them and what they are trying to say, but he also recognizes that some of them are just silly.

Case in point:

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Yeah . . . I can see my son’s point here.  That just demonstrates a profound lack of understanding of the concepts of gravity and escape velocity, not the mention the logistics of lunar vs. interstellar travel.  If you’re shooting for the moon and miss, you definitely want to return to Earth and try again!  (Just ask the crew of Apollo 13.)

By The Reports It’s Surprisingly Low

August 15, 2018

Today for absolutely no reason I decided to look up the rate of alcoholism among educators . . .

This Sums Up This Day Perfectly

August 9, 2018

Your busy sounds like more fun than my busy.

– Something I wrote in a personal correspondence today

Either Way I Regret Nothing (PG-13ish)

July 10, 2018

Warning Sign I Saw On The Back Of A Semi:  “Cover and secure your load.”

Me:  “Birth control ads are everywhere these days!”  (Okay, what I actually said was  “Do you want pregnancies?  Because that’s how you get pregnancies!”, but I was playing to a particular audience.)

I Wonder Why They Don’t All Do That? Oh, Wait . . . They Do!

July 6, 2018

I just saw a political ad and the guy must be honest because it said so on his label, right?

An Ill Wind Blows Today

June 22, 2018

Arguing nutrition with a child is as effective as arguing meteorology with a hurricane.

I Learned That From A Political Ventriloquist

June 19, 2018

Just because the old adage of “You can always tell when a politician is lying because their lips are moving” has technically become outdated in the age of social media (assuming they are capable of typing without moving their lips – a trick I’m not convinced all of them can pull off, truth be told),  doesn’t make the core idea of the adage any less valid.

On The Other Hand, Nobody Has Ever Criticized My Singing While I Was Swinging A Battle-ax Around

June 18, 2018

Something that caught my eye while checking my social media feed:  “Grab your ax and come sing us the song of your people!!”

Me (thinking):  Now, you see, that right there . . . that is an excellent example of exactly the sort of thing you should never say to me!

Do Pod People Even Come In A “Healthy Living” Variety?

May 21, 2018

Technically the last day of school for us is tomorrow, but all assignments having been turned in, tomorrow is really more of a celebration day than a school day.  With little for us to do today but fill the time waiting, I figured my son would want to goof off.

Instead he asked me to jog around the house ten times with him as part of his new “healthy living” summer program.  Which I did.

But I’m still confused.