Posts Tagged ‘Suicide’

But On A More Serious Note (Part Four)

February 4, 2022

I’m of two minds on if yesterday was an adequate wrap-up for the topic of the week, or if there’s more that needs to be said.

Actually, that seems rather appropriate.

The topic of suicide, like the act itself, can be a messy, convoluted business, and at the end of the day clear answers and feelings may not be in the cards. (What is it with me and gambling analogies lately?)

I’ve shared a little bit of what has helped me and others through those dark moments, and hopefully that will at least help you find your own reason(s) to live if you need it. Maybe I know you, maybe I don’t . . . but you’re not the first person to have those thoughts, and even if you were, that would still be okay. Life can be hard sometimes.

Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve to live, which is not true, but even if it were, consider this: Pick the worst person you can think of from history, a real monster . . . someone responsible for sickening atrocities that make it hard not to think that the world would have been a better place if they had never been born.

Somebody still loved them, and somebody mourned them and missed them when they were gone. Maybe it was only a single person, and maybe this historical monster didn’t even know that they cared.

But they did. There’s always someone. Always.

Maybe it’s me.

Good luck out there. I’m pulling for you.

But On A More Serious Note (Part Three)

February 3, 2022

And while I like to think that it has been sufficiently clear that my words are the words of someone discussing suicide as a topic, and not the words of someone contemplating committing the act itself, to say it specifically, it’s still on my day planner to outlive you all.

So why am I talking about it?

In part it’s the usual reason, the subject came up in a private conversation recently, so it’s on my mind, and I like to write what’s on my mind.

But more than that, everyone I’ve ever known well has admitted to me they’ve considered suicide at some point in their life, and maybe my sampling is biased (and I’m presuming that *I* am not the common factor in their consideration), but I couldn’t help but notice that everyone who felt able to talk openly on why they were thinking about killing themselves seemed less inclined afterwards to . . . you know, kill themselves. Those that I’ve known that have actually done the deed didn’t talk about it first . . . not with me, at least.

Sampling bias be damned, I consider that significant.

But On A More Serious Note (Part Two)

February 2, 2022

The times the impulse was more than fleeting and mild required a stronger thought to stop me though. In the end, it was the thought of what a huge mess I’d leave behind both emotionally (a devastated family, especially my mother) and, honestly, physically. (Somebody has to deal with the body, after all, and I’ve never been able to bring myself to be that kind of rude, not even to a stranger.)

But that’s me.

Other people have told me the thought that stopped them was about their pets. They were in a bad enough place they had convinced themselves their family “would be better off without them,” and would “understand that in time,” when they realized their pets would never understand and would just carry around that hurt for the rest of their lives. Later on they realized this applied to their family as well, of course, but at that moment it was only the thought of their pets that stopped them.

Some times it really is all about what gets you through the night so you can greet the dawn.

But On A More Serious Note (Part One)

February 1, 2022

For those who were wondering how serious I was about “folding from the game of life,” the answer is “not very . . . this time.”

I suspect just about everyone has considered the merits of “cashing in their chips” (to continue the gambling analogy) at least once in their life, and I’m certainly no exception. I’ve expressed my general reaction to suicide in the past, and I’ve certainly had more opportunities to learn how I react when other people suicide than I care to admit. So many, in fact, that I can summarize my personal reminder when the thought crosses my mind (however fleetingly these days) as, “Just because yesterday and today sucked, that doesn’t mean tomorrow will.”

That thought helps . . . when the impulse is fleeting and mild.

Suicide Isn’t Painless

August 14, 2014

Ironically enough, it took yesterday’s news of a death to delay my acknowledgement of a death, specifically the death of Robin Williams.  By now there’s been enough general outpouring of emotion and opinion over it that I was tempted to keep my own reaction private, but I decided that would be doing a disservice to myself and to Mr. Williams.

Mr. Williams, I’ll do my best to keep the guilt trip to a minimum since you’ve gotten plenty of that already, I’m sure, but I want you to know that at this moment my anger at you taking your own life is greater than my sadness at your passing.  Once I realized the news was more than just another Internet rumor, my first reaction was “What the ____ were you thinking?!”

The sad truth is though, that I knew what you were thinking.  Oh, not the specifics unique to you, of course, but in general.  I’ve thought it too.  I think most of us have from time to time, just some of us more than others.

But you made the wrong call, sir, and left the rest of us to live with it . . . but live with it we shall.  I’m still angry, but I’ll get over it in time, so I forgive you.  You may well not need my forgiveness, but I know I need to give it, so there you have it.