Posts Tagged ‘Tongue-In-Cheek’

This One Is For My Son

August 23, 2018

One of my son’s biggest gripes about school is their overuse of “motivational” phrases.  Even when he doesn’t agree with the phrases, he understands why they use them and what they are trying to say, but he also recognizes that some of them are just silly.

Case in point:

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Yeah . . . I can see my son’s point here.  That just demonstrates a profound lack of understanding of the concepts of gravity and escape velocity, not the mention the logistics of lunar vs. interstellar travel.  If you’re shooting for the moon and miss, you definitely want to return to Earth and try again!  (Just ask the crew of Apollo 13.)

My Mobility Is Impaired. I Cannot Move (Without Pain)

August 21, 2018

Over the weekend while moving a small (empty) book shelf an inch or so forward away from the wall to see if anything had fallen behind it, I participated in an unscheduled gravity check.

Unsurprisingly, gravity still works, as proven when the shelves gave way and landed on my foot (primarily my big toe).  The shelves were only particle board, so I seem to have escaped with nothing worse than bruising, but I’ll be limping for a while.

But if you have any concerns at all on the status of gravity, I can assure you that it’s still working fine in my part of the world.

An Open Letter To Pretty Much Everyone I’ve Ever Known In My Life

August 20, 2018

Look . . . we need to talk.  Maybe we’ve talked recently, or maybe it’s been years, but there’s something I need to say.  If we spent any significant time together at all, it’s something I would have tried to say before at least once, but I may not have said it well,  so I’m going to try again.

If I ever told you that you were smart, it’s because you are smart.  The same applies if I ever told you that you were pretty/handsome, talented, funny, or any other positive trait I might have commented on.  I get that everyone has moments of self-doubt sometimes, but it bothers me if you start to wallow in them.  When you doubt yourself like that it bothers me a larger scale because I can clearly see that your doubts aren’t based in fact, and it bothers me on a more personal level because (and I say this somewhat tongue-in-cheek, of course) it feels like you’re calling me a liar.

Stop calling me a liar, damn it!

The Trip (Part Three)

December 6, 2017

Now I flat-out said last week that I was dealing with more people than I normally do and catching up with old friends, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that I was at a family event.  Since I don’t do those very often, I was on my best behavior.

Well . . . I did my best to be on my best behavior, at least.  Like I said a couple of times, I was there for a 50th anniversary, and if anyone felt that my behavior was lacking, they could just rescind my invitation for the 100th.

That sounded fair to me.

Facing The Truth

May 1, 2013

My family has been after me for a while to give contact lenses a try again, and none of them seem to be able to fathom my reluctance.

“But then we’ll be able to see your eyes!” they chime.

“Yes, I know,” I retort.  “But at the price of having to see more of my face!”